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Thread: Why does this bother me?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2006

    Why does this bother me?

    Hi everyone, so here's the story:

    I've been dating this girl for almost 5 months now, and a week after we started I asked her if she was a virgin. She replied no, which bothered me a little, but I got over it quickly. We have since had sex several times; I am her second sexual partner, unless you count oral sex, in which case I am her 5th. Before her, I'd never even seen a girl naked.

    In general, we have a great relationship, but every so often, I get stuck on the thought that she had sex and other sexual experiences before I met her, and it bothers the hell out of me. It usually goes away within a few days, but this current bout has lasted a good week and has made me feel the worst out of all of them. I've talked to her about it several times, but it doesn't help and I don't want to keep bringing it up. My question is: Why does this bother me? I try to explain it to even myself, and I'm at a loss. Does anyone have an idea what's wrong with me? I really care about her alot and don't want this stupid thing to ruin our relationship. Thanks in advance!
    Last edited by Squills; 15-Jan-2006 at 11:34 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006

    Questions and Answers

    In general, guys don't like it when girls have previous sexual experience...whereas most girls don't care all that much.

    Dude, you're just gonna have to suck it up. Worrying about it won't make any difference, it won't magically make her a virgin.

    Why it's bothering you isn't something we can tell from that short message, or even a longer message. It probably has a deep psychological root. But if we had to guess, how about;

    • Maybe you're worried about STDs from the relationship previous
    • Maybe you're worried that she'll leave you, because she has had 'experience' but you don't (You didn't mention if YOU had experience or not, but guys don't like to be outdone by some things. Maybe you're feeling inferior in bed?)
    • Maybe you're worried she'll leave you because you don't 'live up' to what she had before (Not something to worry about. She's with YOU and girls don't rate sex as the most important part of a's nowhere near the top)
    • Maybe you fear others will look down on you for NOT having a virgin girlfriend (Seriously, I know adults who counsel youth to only go out with virgins. It's stupid)

    Post back and let me know if this helped!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    First of all you will find as you mature that this issue becomes less of an issue to you or to anyone else for that matter. It does not look like you were experienced before (never seeing a girl naked) and that actually probably is not an issue for your girlfriend. What will become an issue for her is if you continue to obsess over her sexual experience. So what if she has had a previous partner. Do you think that it would matter to her if the roles were reversed. For some of us guys it is something that we think about when we are very young. If it bothers you try thinking of all of the women that have obviously had experience (children - married) that you are certain that you would jump at if given the opportunity.
    In reality it is no large issue at all. Don't let it bother you now because it certainly won't bother you when you get older and wiser.
    As far as the issues that Funnyguy brings up.... a couple are valid in that STD's are something to be concerned about. On the other hand us guys seem to be a lot less concerned when we are aroused and ready if you know what I mean. And your sexual experience would not be an issue to your girlfriend unless you are also totally uneducated or uncaring about her needs and desires. Inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of. We were all there at one time and being able to sexually satisfy our partners is something that you will learn in time. Women also have a sexual drive that seems to be as strong as ours. But because of social issues they seem to control their desires a great deal better than men.
    As far as men being councilled to seek only virgins I do not pretend to understand all religions but it does not sound like anything a mature adult would council. When I here that statement it makes me think of the old mothers saying of "go out and find a nice girl for yourself". That advise is usually issued along with "that will make you go blind". :looko:
    Anyway enough for the book here. Just relax and enjoy your relationship. What you are concerned about will mean less to you as you mature.
    Bill B


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