Guilty after finishing????

[Natalie1727]

I am so frustrated. Why are guys so closed off and hard to read? Why do they put up these walls? Last night, my guy friend spent the night at my place, and for those of you who have read the previous post of mine, he has never let me touch him, etc. Well, last night, he finally let me. I went down on him, and everything seemed to be going well, but he (a) refused to have sex (which makes me nervous, won't most guys just want to jump on an opportunity like that? and (b) he acted really skiddish the entire time, and once he finished he said he felt guilty, but I could not get him to tell me what he felt guilty about! I swear, this guy is driving me crazy because I really like this guy, and he his a good friend of mine, but I can't understand what is going on in his head! He wont talk to me. So, I tell him, I can't help him feel better unless he opens up to me, and all he says, all cryptically, is "I am not up for hurting people right now." What?! I don't get it. He said he was concerned about the emotional impact this would have on me? I don't know. So I asked him, are you worried you are going to do to me, what this other girl (a girl that he got close to and then she rejected him saying, we're only gonna be friends) to you? And he said, maybe, I guess that could be part of it. So I asked what the other part was, and he said, he didn't know. Does this make any sense to you? I swear, he is like, making me insane. Then, we are just casually talking, and we are talking about our respective families, and he said something about how he knew his brother got laid on prom night, and I asked how he knew that, and he said laughingly, "None of your business, that's my family." What??? I mean, he brought it up, why does he do that? Bring things up, or bring me closer, then all of a sudden push me away and put up these walls? I am so lost. It is almost like, he is hot and cold. I did end up getting out of him, that he is cool being friends who mess around. What does that mean? He doesn't like me as a girlfriend? But if he wanted to be friends with benefits, don't you have to receive benefits from it? This is the first time I have made him cum! Every other time, it has just been me, or he came while we were kissing, without me doing anything. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, someone help decode his language, is there something I am missing? Should I confront him? Leave him alone? Let things be? What? I am so lost. Thanks for ANY help. It is greatly appreciated. Sorry so long, just had to vent.
- Natalie

[TiggerLover]

Although my guy friend isn't quite as cryptic, I definitely understand your frustration. I wish I had some great words of wisdom, but even this baffles me. I know for my guy, he had been married once, and after 10 mo. she just came home out of the blue and told him she didn't love him anymore. Now tell me that isn't going to bruise a guy's ego. I think to some degree, guys (especially ones that have been hurt in the past) have a tendency to shut themselves off. I'm sure that my guy doesn't want to be hurt, but the fact that we have some distance issues doesn't help the matter either. Guys are so hard to read, I've never been able to figure it out. Then again, if you're anything like me, you might be reading more into it than there actually is. Hard to say. It may be that he likes your friendship so much that he wouldn't want to ruin it by getting too involved. You know women have a tendency to be more emotional when it comes to sex, and you already know you like him as more than friends. Maybe you should lay low for a little while and see what happens. Maybe you should try spending time together without actually getting physical and see what happens. I know most guys would jump at the chance for sex, and I was quite shocked myself when my guy said we couldn't because he didn't have any protection (even though I'm on the pill). For him, he doesn't want kids and he wants to take every precaution possible, maybe that's the same with your guy. There are so many different things that could be going through his mind, but I couldn't tell you what it is. Maybe one of the guys here should speak up and give you some advise, they might have a better idea as to what's going on. I wish I could be more help. You'll have to let me know how it all goes. Take care.:)

[philcambron]

First of all i am a virgin guy but i think i can see what is going on in his head.

There is just one thing i am curious about... How much time went by between you two and the moment he has been rejected by the other girl ?? this could be important...

BEcause he went with you because he wanted to punish the other girl of not picking him up... some guiys go like that, and some girls do that too...


About not letting you touch him... Maybe he went thought something like that that left him empty handed (the other girl, is she a close friend of him ??). Cause he is in a mess right now, and he feels that if he was goign to drop you tomorrow you would feel as bad as you are right now...

this could be a result of not letting enough time after a rejection to get his confidence level up again... When you go out of a relationship or an intense crush you need to let yourself some time to heal yourself in some way... here it is obvious he didn't have the time and i don't know if you just juimp on him or if he made the efforts to come to you... that is important...

like the other poster mentionned you should give him some distance and see what happens...

phil

[Natalie1727]

Thanks for your reply. It has been 7 months since he was rejected by the other girl. Is this enough time?

[voland]

He doesn't really like you in a sexual way. You may be good friends and he may genuinely like you as a person, but he doesn't want you for a girlfriend. He will let you go down on him till the cows come home because he's a man, but at the same time his conscience is bothering him because he fears that he'll hurt you. Believe me... every man out there has dealt with this situation before... I'm just trying to save you from a great deal of pain.

[Gan]

Originally posted by voland
He will let you go down on him till the cows come home because he's a man, but at the same time his conscience is bothering him because he fears that he'll hurt you.

...well all the men who don't respect themselves or their female friends anyway...

-Gan

[voland]

..well all the men who don't respect themselves or their female friends anyway... -Gan

All the men who accept their masculinity and don't think of sex as a dirty act.

[defyant]

...well all the men who don't respect themselves or their female friends anyway...

Men typically don't respect women, and everybody (male or female) out there is apt to allow a simple act like 'going down' to take place even though they aren't really -into- the person giving the pleasure. I think this goes back to the whole sexual animal thing...I -could- be mistaken, although I sincerely doubt it.