HELP!! What Should I Do Now? Need Male Advise

[TiggerLover]

This is my first time doing anything like this, so bare with me. There's a guy that I've become pretty good friends with, and have been talking to for a little over a year now. We've had a few times where our conversations got a little on the "dirty" side. We'd talk about what we'd like to do to one another, etc. We finally got the chance to meet one another on a business trip, but it didn't give us a lot of time to be able to really put our words into action. We didn't have sex, but we did a lot of touching and teasing which was just as much fun. He even called me the next morning and took me out to lunch. I'd like to try to get together again, but how do I approach it? Should I just lay low for a while and wait for him to come to me? Or should I ask him if he'd like to see me again? It's been over a year and a half since I've had any kind of physical contact with a guy, so I was quite nervous, but I definitely want to take this further. I know he's not interested in dating me because I live out of state. However, I am moving out there next year. Can anyone give me any advise about how to pursue this? I think there's some definite chemistry there, the distance is what's hurting it. I just want to show him how much I care and how much I want him. I'm very open to suggestions and I'm willing to try pretty much anything. I really like this guy a lot and I want to get his attention, gain his interest, etc. I'd like our friendship to become more at some point. I think it's important that we build the friendship that we have right now, I just need some pointers in this area. It's pretty sad, I'm 25 and have very little experience in the guy department. Any help, suggestions, etc. would be greatly appreciated. :confused:

[shelle]

I'm not a guy, but I would lay low for a few days and see what happens. See if he calls you.
If you come off as too into him........he will run. You might not be thinking you're coming off like that, but your words sound like you might. really really really like this guy. Maybe he's sensing that and it's scaring him.
He said......I don't want you to get hurt. That's an odd thing to say. Since you live in another state, could you not know all about his life? Could he be involved with someone?

shelle

[TiggerLover]

I'm sure he knows that I like him, but we're friends. I definitely don't want to scare him off. I haven't been calling him since we got back from the trip. He called me a couple times this past week relating to work (I handle his account, so we talk on a fairly regular basis as it is). Sometimes our conversations stay strictly professional and other times we play around. I'm very big about honesty, it's extremely important to me. He was just being honest with me about not wanting me to get hurt. He knows a little about my history and knows that I'm sensitive. Since we live in two different states, he didn't want me to get emotionally attached to him since we can't really see each other. I don't know if that will change or not when I move out there. And my reason for moving has nothing to do with him. I know that he's very sensitive, but doesn't really show it. He's opened up to me on a few occasions (because he trusts me) and for him that's a pretty big thing. I know he's not involved with anyone. He would've told me so, and I know he wouldn't lie to me. We have a unique relationship. I prefer the hard truth about something to have everything sugar coated to spare my feelings. I hate it when guys tell me things they think I want to hear.

[shelle]

I've heard many a men say.......I'm not involved with anyone and then BAM! ........they're married or deeply involved.
Trust is one thing, but he's living in another state with another life. He might like the flirting and the friendship and not want it to end with you. How old is he?
Something's going on with him.
Just watch your self.

[TiggerLover]

He's 32 years old. He's not a player at all. He's close to his family, which I like. A co-worker of his (female) is very good friends with both of us, she's actually the one that's playing a kind of match maker in hooking us up in the first place. Trust me, she would know if he's involved with anyone. He's just not a very open person. He goes out but it's with friends, he doesn't really date, and he doesn't sleep around. I know it may sound fishy, but he's one of those guys that you rarely ever find. Not to mention, I have many people that know him that have told me what a great guy he is. He's not the type to fool around. And like I said before, if he was involved, he definitely would've told me. He doesn't beat around the bush and he's very straight forward. He's just not that type of guy. I've known him for over a year now. I do know he had been married a few years ago, kind of a touchy subject. I think in some ways, he's actually self-conscious about himself, but he'll never let it show. I will definitely be careful with it, lord knows I don't want to get hurt. But I just have a feeling about him. Call it my gut instinct or something.

[shelle]

That's good that you know someone that knows him. I would play it cool.
Trust me, I've been there....almost exactly like you and we are married now. We should email about it.

[TiggerLover]

Yes, definitely email!!!! I'm trying to keep a low profile and not pushing anything. Like I said I haven't been calling him, especially since I don't want him thinking I'm stalking him or attached to him. What I'd like is to just let the friendship grow in the next year before I move. I'd like to see him again, but I guess in that department I'll have to let nature run it's course. I'm hoping that when I do move there he will want to spend more time in getting to know one another and try the dating thing. Again, I know that one of the things holding him back from getting close to me is the fact that we are so far apart right now. He doesn't know that I'm moving there yet, but our mutual friend does. She told me just to take it slow and see where it leads us. I know I'll be making trips out there because I need to check out apartments, etc. There's going to be lots of preparation. Not to mention that I may have to make a business trip out there to his company to iron out any problems we may be having. I'm just feeling a little antsy and unsure. On one hand I know he enjoyed the time we had together, but on the other hand, men have been so confusing to me in the past, I can't tell if I'm reading things right or not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things go. Do you think it's a good thing that he's still flirty as he was before our encounter? That he's still interested?

[Natalie1727]

I would like to email you too. We are in a VERY similar situation with men, and I would really like to share our experiences, catch me online sometime at AIM, Natalie1727, or email me at sonbelange@hotmail.
- Thanks, Natalie