i don't know what to think

[justtrey]

well...i meet this girl over the net and we became really close friends...but one day she came out and told me that she was in love with me and i really felt the same way...so we decided to start a relationship...she stays 3 hours away from me...but everytime we are about to meet...she backs out...recently she told me that she had been involved with someone else...but this was before she and i...now this is what i don't understand...she goes to college and she has 8am classes...she stays on the phone with me until 3 and 4am everynight...she says that she wants to be with me but she don't want to hurt her other boyfriend and that she really don't know how to tell him that she is in love with someone else...well i can understand what she is saying cause i know breaking up with someone is really hard to do...but at the same time i don't know if she is playing games with me...i mean...she tells me that she loves me and we talk all night long when she has classes early...one mind says she playing with me but the other asks the question why would she waste her time if she didn't really love me...right now i'm just so confused i don't really know what to think...cause i know that i love her alot but i do feel like she have some strong feelings for me...so let me know what yall think...please consider the facts...

[shelle]

Have you ever seen her? In real life or in pictures?

[Angeleyes]

Even though she says she loves her current bf maybe things aren’t going too well. Therefore (because she loves him) kinda doesn’t want to let go in the hope that the relationship will improve. As you said breaking up is hard to do.

However, another part of me tells me that she might be playing you along – maybe her bf doesn’t pay her enough attention etc. and since she’s met you she feels attractive again and attracted to you. People can talk for hours at a time whether it be on the phone, IM etc. For example its not much different to sending PM or posting messages on ACME boards. You do tend to build a kinda friendship/attraction to certain people especially regular ACME members as you sort of get to know a bit of their personality etc., by their replies.

Don’t know whether this has helped any. Good luck though I hope you find a solution.

PS I too would like to know whether you actually know what she looks like or seen her.

[Kaisharga]

I'm going to work on the assumption that she is STILL going with this 'other guy,' because though you made it sound like she and he had been split up before you two got together (so to speak), that wouldn't make any sense...

Do correct me if this is not the case.

Otherwise, it sounds more like she should be the one posting in here--you really can't do too much about this except advise her, and even we here would be better able to help the whole situation if we heard every angle from her point of view.

She needs to figure out a way to do what she needs to do--she seems to already know that she has to break up with this other d00d. It's only really a matter of time, but she seems to be wondering about the 'how' bit.

As for her nervousness in meeting you, I can vouch for this firsthand--a friend of mine whom I have known for years on an internet-only friendship (due to about 16 hours' driving time between our locations) asked me if I would attend his graduation, volunteering to offer his place (of which I had seen photos and heard tales) as a place for me to stay for the time period in question, and really it was hard for me to seriously consider myself doing that. I'm not sure whether it was about the internet-only element, that breaking that boundary may have ruptured the thing we had going, or whether it was just a concern for my security (being in a state where I knew absolutely NOBODY, and having so little money it's not even funny, and depending completely on this guy for my daily needs). But I ended up pulling out of that, even though he's one of my better friends.

...the point is, it's hard to transition between a text-based relationship to a reality interaction thing. I hope it works out for you guys, because she seems really commited to figuring it out and getting connected with you, just she has a few hesitations. Best of luck to ya.

--Kaisharga