What to do with this girl?

[tab1985]

Setting: College

I met this girl one night at a party about 1.5 months ago. The next day she asks one of my friends for my phone number and we end up talking and exchanging screen names. A week later we have coffee together, and that was really the last time we did anything 1v1. We talk online quite a bit, and will do some group things like lunch or watch TV, but for the most part it's real non-romancey kind of activities. Recently, I brought her some treats cuz she was sick, and she really seemed to like that, and my b-day was recently and she gave me a card and said how she was really glad she met me, etc. She also mentioned how I was one of her only guy-friends, but she didn't just randomly throw that out there, it fit well into the convo so I don't think it was a pre-meditated blow.

Now the obvious question is am I stuck in the friends zone and should therefore just accept it.... or would she be receptive to more 1v1 things? THe more important question is what kind of things can I say or do that will A) get the idea across that I'm interested in being more than just friends and B) get a better idea of what she wants from me (ie friendship, dating, etc).

Thanks

[mrrocko]

Have you ever been attracted to a girl who just wants to "be friends" with you? If so, this email is probably going to be the most important email you've ever read this month. In the next few moments, I am going to show you how you can turn a "friend" into a "girlfriend" without jeopardizing your friendship with her.

A lot of guys like to fantasize about befriending a hottie and sucking up to her until she finally sees what a great guy he is and starts dating him.

Ugh. It doesn't work that way.

You see, to a women, there are 2 categories of men:
"potential lovers" and "just friends". Once you have fallen into the "just friends" category, it's hard to get out.
You are most likely to be stuck for life. I call this the "friendship trap".

So...if you meet a girl you like, please?make your move. Do not become the "doormat" she runs to when she is between boyfriends.

Now, maybe you're "stuck" as a friend already (too bad you hadnt read this earlier eh?) so I'm going to give you a few tips on how to turn a friend into a girlfriend.

First of all, DON'T tell your friend you like her!

I am serious. DO NOT tell your friend you like her directly.

Most guys spend days or weeks gathering the courage to tell a girl they like her, only to fail miserably!

Remember the key to attraction is...it's not how much you're attracted to a woman, but how much she is attracted to YOU that matters.

Women do not care about a man loves them. They only care about how much THEY like a man. I am sure you like her, but does she like you? YOU DON'T KNOW! And that's why you should NOT risk embarrassing yourself!

Also, men who "gather the courage" to "suddenly tell the girl he loves her" usually do it at the "wrong" time, like when a girl least expects it. Surprises are scary and women don't know how to react. Their NATURAL reaction is to turn you down on the spot ("I have a boyfriend" or "I am not looking for someone right now", etc) just to be safe - even if they regret it later.

So, instead of putting the focus on your feelings and worrying about how you can tell her you love her, I want you to focus on getting HER to tell you she likes you.

Now, the biggest difference between a friendship and a relationship is that there is sexual/romantic chemistry, and that's why I want you to start flirting with her and drive the chemistry up. It's time to ATTRACT her, not to chase her. Your goal is to get HER to fall for you and eventually ask you the "Are we together?" question.

Lastly, flirting with her will allow you to see if she likes you or not. If she ignores you or doesn't respond well to the flirting, then she's not interested in you. But if she flirts back, she wants you!

-Marius Panzarella



good luck, hope that helps

[tab1985]

yea thanks, i've only recently come to that conclusion, and I'm glad other people support that plan.

The only problem is I've heard many people say that girls are way more timid than guys when it comes to asking out and may even expect the guy to do it. I do plan on playing this 'flirt with her in the friend zone until she asks you out game' but for her to beat me in it is really simple, if she happens to get with another guy while I'm in the friend zone it will be devastating(especially if he ends up asking her out and she says yes cuz that could've been me). So the way I see it, I'm playing a game in which the odds are constantly against me, and she holds the trump card.

But this definitely seems at the very least to be a good start of a good strategy for escaping the dreaded friend zone.

[TheRev]

It is true that generally guys are expected to take the initiative, though exceptions are more and more frequent these days. The thing is, it's generally the woman that is in control, whether she knows it or not. Guys (not all of course) tend to worry about catering to the woman, not doing anything that may offend her. It is the woman's job to make it clear to the guy what he can do without offending her.
Once again before anyone flames me I'm speaking in general ideal terms, these roles are certainly not always filled or applicable.
The application to your situation is simple. Flirt with her, make her view you as a possible sexual/romantic partner. See how she responds. If she's interested, I have a feeling you'll know.
One thing you must make sure you DO NOT do is become her b*tch. This happens to all too many nice guys who are infatuated with girls that don't like them. Not all girls will do this, but it happens. You'll find her never fully rejecting you, and giving out mixed signals. She may be nice to you when she has a favor to ask, and then blow you off later. Cases vary, and I don't think it's usually a conscious decision on the part of the woman. If you want a good example take my sister. She has a guy who has been infatuated with her for years, nice but whiney and annoying after a while so she isn't interested in having him as anything other than a friend/acquaintance. Early on he worked at a movie theater, so she had to be nice to him every time she wanted to get in free. Sure, it's taking advantage, but hardly premeditated or sadistic in any way. Now she generally calls him up when she needs a car, because he's one of her only friends who has one (they live in a city, there's usually no need). He even bought her a Playstation 2 for Christmas, and gave her his old computer. Whatever you do don't let yourself fall into this kind of submissive situation.