The importance of the first impression...

[philcambron]

Well, well, well...

I am new out here, this is my first post on this board ;)

Well, i am not new on the forum thing and i am a member of another "love forum" if i can say... I just wanted to know the opinion of ppl about the first impression...

I am a 23 man from Canada (a french speaker lollll), and i have had difficulties to just meet a woman. I loved one woman in my life and liked many others... but i think i have a problem with my first impression...

I am a reserved guy who opens up when he knows that these ppl won't stab him in the back (well, that must be the result of 7 years of being how ugly i was... but i am over that, i am pretty nice looing guy, tall, athletic, beautifull eyes, etc.). But i still have this protective or serious face to keep ppl away when i face a new situation... (like meeting someone new).

I tried to relax, or smile, but it shows that i am really not comfortable... so i end up either friend or either the lady stops talk ing to me because she feels like i am not stable since i change attitude when i get to know her better...

Anyway, i just wanna know how it is important to have a first impression to ladies and how a up/down attitude contributes to bring closer or to push away a lady... I am willing to work on myself since the first girl i fell in love with, i felt that i needed a girl in my life, and i think that i missed a bunch of things on the "how to" because of my sport commitements (not my fault if i believed that i was a basketball superstar ;) i just had to work and work harder... but to do so, i had to keep women out of my life, i didn't feel the need to have one except sexually maybe lolll).

I don't regret it, but it is weird just to have to work on myself ;)

Phil

[Pandora1980]

I understand where you're coming from- I'm generally reserved when I first meet people and then I'm a totally different person. I find that alcohol works well to get rid of the reserved part (ok- a lot of alcohol does that).
I'm a very forgiving and accepting person- so what I will tell you will probably differ from the behavior of other women- but you probably don't want those anyway.

First impression means a lot- it is of course the difference between whether or not she ever wants to talk to you again. It also has a lot to do with any reservaions she has about you. My las boyfriend was 25 when I met him and I was 20. Well... I was concerned about the age difference, but then I thought about how much fun I had with him and how much we had in common- obviously I thought I'd give it a whirl. We're broken up now b/c we have personal issues to deal with but I still really love him. We said we'd think about another chance after we get our issues resolved. Anyway- I think it's not out of the question that I found the love of my life b/c I gave him a chance b/c his first impression was that good.

Then again there's the 2nd chance- if you know you;ll see this person again- there's always the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th..... impressions- at least I always give a person another chance- I'm sure some other people do too.

Good luck with your dating life

[ChrisIv]

Yes. Me too. I understand where you are coming from. It has happened to me, and I just get a feelingh of unreality. I have had very few relationships, and no serious ones, which is now beginning to hurt, real bad. I guess first impressions do count. But i do not like to lerk behind a mask, or act that is not me. I have a serious face, probably because of all the knocks and disappointments I have had in life. At my age I have missed out on one hell of a lot of things.

Get sweet, sweeter than sweet, get it now...

[MNor]

Well look at it this way. I have no trouble meeting people and I'm a very humoristic, charismatic, charming person (this I know from others) but I've never ever loved a girl in my life. Actually I've never ever really felt anything for any girl. You've atleast loved.

But I too have troubles with first impressions if I've drinken too much. I become sleazy.

[opaque]

I have heard this advice before and thought I would share it with you.I think it sounds like good advice to me anyway.

On the course of your day make a point to say hi to as many people of the oppisite sex as you can. Don't forget to smile too.
You never know ,you just might make someones day!!

[Swift]

From my experience, first impressions are certainly important. If you act like a real jerk-off, forget about getting a look-in further down the track. However, that doesn't mean you need to act in the manner that you think the girl wants you to act. Just make an effort to be yourself. Trying to be someone you're not just to impress the ladies, or make a 'good' first impression, is a complete waste of time. Just relax and don't try too hard.

-Swift

[aterese]

I was in your same situation recently although I was not looking for relationships just friends.

I find that as a female it is not as widely accepted that we can have interests in guy things and not the women's topics. I mean like computers, console games, formula one, motorcycles, rollerblading, electric guitar, running my own businesses etc.

So after posting a similar line on a few forums and receiving advice to be myself and maybe a bit more friendly here's what happened:

* I smiled a lot more at people at work
* I started conversations instead of waiting for people to approach (which never happens to me)
* I invited people out to coffee who I seemed to get along with (they actually spoke to me for a few sentences instead of ignoring me)
* I asked questions to these people non work related and generally tried to learn more about them
* I thanked everyone around me for any small favour (people recognise nice traits fast)
* I learnt to ignore all the gossip and annoying behaviour of the women around me (it was making me depressed and angry before)
* I slowly became more social in my emails to other staff across the organisation (across other offices too)
* After knowing a bit more about some close males, I started asking the usual how was your weekend, what you doing tonight and generally showed ongoing interest
* Eventually I found there is a small group of people whom I can have conversations with now and who I consider 1 a close friend I am happy to disclose anything to and the others just friends at this stage
* I go out to lunch probably once a week with one of these new friends and the close one I catch up regularly and even play console games with

So the moral is if you make yourself more open to others, especially if you show genuine interest in their lives/thoughts, smile a lot and try to make jokes or be socialible....you will find that you make more friends and attract the right females.

It worked for me and whilst I'm knew at it....I find it much easier to follow this routine with any people I meet and eventually becomes friends.

By the way, I still have a hard time with female friends as I find they just don't share common interests or with my senior position feel I am a threat and not a friend.....so yes most people I get along with are still males. I can accept that though.

Cheers....aterese