Is it possible to love again?

[Dreamer18]

I recently got out of a serious relationship, with a guy that i was involved with for 11 months. After we broke it off I was really depressed. I sleep all day long and want to become more motivated. Within the last 3 weeks I met a wonderful guy. I think I love him but at the same time I don't want to fall in love with him, because I am afraid that I will be hurt again. I don't know what to do. My mom has told me not to fall hard for this one like I did for john, but I really want to because I was happy. In that relationship it was like when I realized things were going down for me I just wanted to keep it together and I felt miserable all of the time. Will I be able to love this guy like I did my first love without worrying about losing him? I am really concerned and I know thin\s guy is so much better for me! Please help me !:bawling:

[Kaisharga]

It sounds to me like you're struggling with your feelings, and trying to clarify whether you're in love with this guy, or in love with love. It's good that you're considering the possiblity, because all too many people delude themselves so, and end up with a whole long line of people they never really liked--they just wanted 'someone to be there for them.' I can't repeat this loud enough, and kudos to the one who pointed it out here first, you have to love yourself before you can love another. I'd advise against getting into a 'close' relationship with another person until you're comfortable with who you are--if you jump in too soon, you may end up using this person as a crutch, and that's not good for you or him. So take your time, and just be friends for a while. Take it slow, and things will be much better in the long run.

--Kaisharga

[philcambron]

I think you should have waited a bit to get into another relationship. I believe that you have a problem to deal with the dependacy towards men... That means that you need a man to feel nice about yourself.

When you quit a relatioship, you should take all the time it takes to get the person you loved out of your head. Why ? to grow up, make your conclusions about certains issues, what could i have done to make it last longer... Jumping with this new guy isn't a good thing because you'll end up comparing him to you last boyfriend (you won't say it but you'll have more diffuclties than if you took the time to take your ex out of the picture and get up of your depression state by reinforcing you).

And something you should know : love could last forever, not can... those dreams about finding mr perfect... don't count on it... and don't try to fix every problem in the name of staying together. Sometime, if a thing is bothering you, it is good to argue about it, and work it out, if can't well it is good sometimes to break it off..

good luck ;)

Phil

[Dreamer18]

thank you for your advice i really hoped your reply would have come sooner. I feel so stupid and used. You see i slept with him, and he told me yesterday he just wanted to be friends, that hurt, i told him i thought that i loved him and he felt bad that he couldn't say it back. I feel horrible but i am not hurting!
Thank you

[JimmyBlue]

You can love as much, and as often, as your own
heart allows.

You experience pain and loss deeply now, because
you have never before; like uncallused hands unused
to heavy work, you blister and bleed. But toughen up
you will.

Get back on the horse, and ride smarter each time,
is about the best advice for a cowgirl.

[Aprilsky]

I see what's happening to you, and I know that you were hurt by the things he said. You have been dragged around long enough and it's time to stand up for yourself. You just broke up with john not too long ago, you need to give yourself time to heal before you jump into another serious relationship. Could the reason that you think you are in love with the new guy be because you are afraid to be alone? Try to enjoy the single life and learn to love yourself, and the right guy will come in time.
Well thats my advice stef, i hope you consider it, but only you know what's deep in your heart and, where you go in life is up to you in the end.

Love April

[Dreamer18]

April,
Thank you and you are totally right, i need to wait it out and get strong you did and look where you are. I am so lucky to have a best friend like you. I am still deeply hurt but only time will heal. So maybe we can go to grahms tomorrow?
Love ya,
Stef

[Kaisharga]

Ya know, this is why I love this place. People can be local and still discuss things openly on a messageboard like this, and help people by relating their own experiences. I'd like to extend my gratitude for such generosity on both your parts. And also I'd like to tell you to keep us updated ;)

--Kaisharga