frustrated, confused and hurt

[nekosmilee]

I need some serious advice. I just found out that my ex still has feelings for me. However, I'm not at all mad or pissed off about that, the only thing that matters to me now is why won't he show it to me then. I mean I completely still love him with whole heart and soul and hearing these things were such an overwhelming feeling that i could not hide. I'm totally frustrated because how am I to go back out with him after what he put me through and how am I supposed to be with him when my feelings of him hurting me again starts to come back. I want him back into my life because I still love him....but how when my family disapproves of him having to be in my life. What do I do? Please help me, I need your advice. :(

[Kaisharga]

I'd have to vote for Forgive and Forget. Especially forget. If you can just skip over what you two had done previously, like it was imagined or whatever, and don't let it impact your relationship now, then things will probably be better. It sounds like he's already considered those things to be moderately insignificant. Now it's your turn to let him have another chance--I can tell you want to.

As for the whole my-family-doesn't-like-him thing, I say, who cares? They're not the ones that have to love him or be with him or any of that--that's your priviledge. If you're still high-school age, this becomes a little tricky as it becomes difficult to see him outside of school grounds, but if you can drive it becomes a little easier--even moreso if you have your own car and/or can borrow a family car without a whole lot of hooplah.

...Going backwards, let's address the why-won't-he-show-his-feelings-to-me thing. I'd guess that you probably dumped him on the first go-round (just a guess), and now he's being cautious about showing his feelings; if he tells you that he still loves you, then that can cause unnecessary emotional stress to you when you may or may not reciprocate--he doesn't know for sure, and so he's playing it safe, and has your feelings in mind. I, for one, commend him on his willpower.

Hoping this helps,
Kaisharga

[JohnnyB217]

I say that if you love him, and he loves you, go for it. I was in a similar situation this past summer. Me and my girlfriend of a year had broken up (she cheated) and I really wanted her back. She was hesitant due to my family and confusion about feelings. We talked it over one night for a long, long time and she said she wanted to get back together. I was so happy. And today, 4 months later, we are stronger than we ever have been. I say, go for it!!!

[TiggerLover]

Not to sound negative or anything, but I've seen too many friends and family members do that whole on again-off again. I couldn't tell you how many times my aunt broke up and got back together with her husband, more so before they even got married, and now they're divorced. I'm not saying don't go for it. By all means, if you've still got the feelings and he does too, then try it and hopefully it'll work out better for you the second time around. I guess it really depends on what it is that he did to you in the first place. I know for myself, I went through hell and back with my ex, and there's no way on God's green earth I'd ever go back with him. That's not to say that I don't still love him though. My philosophy, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" If he screws up again, cut your losses and move on with life, there are plenty other men out there that will treat you right.

[hurley0496]

ok yall, i have a girlfriend that lives 4 1/2 hours away. so that is hard in it self. but i kinda met someone else that also lives a long ways a way. and i dont know which one i like more. or if i do like any one more. like when i with them, i haven't done anymore than kiss them. but the girl that i'm not going out with i've only like bairly kissed her lips... ya fallow? anyway what do i do about this, which one do i go for. i only get to see both of them 2 times a year, and if i wanted to i could cheat on my g/f and she will never find out. but i'm not that kind of kid sooooooooo....

[CelesteDeVive]

First of all, Neko sweetheart, if the guy hurt you so badly in the first place why does he deserve a chance to hurt you again? I understand that you love him and what you are feeling right now, I have been in this situation, but from experience my advice to you is to steer clear of any romantic entaglement with this man. I know that isn't what you want to hear, and in your head right now you are listing all of the reasons why my logic does not apply to him, "He has changed, he realizes now that what he did to me was wrong and he is sorry for the pain he caused me. He would NEVER do it again." But usually, and I emphasis usually because I know that not all men out there would do this ( I apologize in advance to all of the guys on this board who will take offense, exceptions are made to every "rule"), if a man hurts you once he will do it again. Not that he doesn't care for and/or love you, its just what he does. Not only have I been through this but one of my best friends as well. She has been with the same guy for almost 4 years now and he constantly hurts her. He cheats on her, lies about her, makes her look bad in front of people, etc etc, and she always forgives him because he "loves" her and has "changed" but he never does. This is my advice to you, save yourself more heartache and leave this one alone, time heals all pain and eventually you will come to realize that there are so many better options out there. I know that will be dificult (believe me I know!) but you will be happier in the end. I would hate to see you get hurt again.

Secondly, Hurley, you are still young! You don't need to be in a relationship in which you are tied to someone when you cannot truly nurture that commitment. Obviously you are upset about the whole ordeal, I imagine it is hard to have a partner that you only see twice a year, but what would be the use of ending one relationship like that and then entering another? If you truly are committed to your present girlfriend, and I must say that it doesn't sound like you are or you wouldn't be too worried about this other female, then stick with her and make it work, otherwise I say end all of the headache and just live, enjoy dating and having fun with lots of people, not just girlfriends.

Of course this all just my two cents.