Really lost and need help please

[vegakvd]

hi...I don't know if u can help or not but here is what happened. I was with a girl for 3 years engaged, we broke up and I found a new girl who made me soooo happy. She was great, I loved being with her every second, and I was in love with her. She treated me soooo good and was really letting me stay at her place every night, get to meet her family. She used to go for walks in the park and things, I loved just being with her..this is after 3 years of thinking i would be with one girl then finding the girl of my dreams. Last week, out of nowhere it seemed after months of affection and loving she suddenly said this is not working and she broke up with me. I was hit by anxiety and depression like never before. I stopped eating for 6 days......I sit home, not wanting to do anything...drinking heavily sometimes...I cannot take the pain and the thought of not being with her. I dont know who to turn to...

[ct63]

I was married for 21 years and thought my marriage was happy and stable. One day things started falling apart and we ended up in a divorce. That was bad but I was in denial and thought maybe we could work it out and get back together. About three months after the divorce he had a new woman in his life. I to experienced anxiety, I lost weight I didn't need to lose, I was sick at my stomach all the time and had nightmares every night. I stayed drunk for 6 months. My work suffered and my kids hated to be around me because I cried all the time. I was a miserable and depressed. I used to wonder often how I was gonna make it thru the day or get thru the night or heal from the hurt. But let me tell you honestly, there is nothing anybody can say or do to take your pain away. Alcohol is not the cure either. The only thing that helps is time. Allow yourself to hurt but stay busy. Its a little over two years now and I am still healing but I have come along ways and am doing much better. I sleep now, I do not drink anymore and I can laugh again. Just hang in there, time heals all wounds.

[l4linda]

I can sure empathize with you. Breakups are so painful, especially when the relationship seemed to be going so well and the end seems to come out of nowhere. It's a terrible shock and the shock waves and pain can reverberate for a very long time, and then come back fresh and new when we aren't expecting it to - when a song plays on the radio, when we drive past an old haunt, when we come across pictures or other keepsakes, sometimes even years later it can hit again . . . Everyone goes through a period of mourning when a relationship dies, and it can hurt like hell, and in the middle of it, it doesn't feel like it's ever going to be ok again.
Time does heal wounds. Be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself. Hopefully you have some good supportive friends you talk to. If not, or even if you do, sometimes it really helps to get some professional counseling when you're going through a particularly painful breakup. Seriously, a gut-wrenching experience like that can really throw your mental health off kilter, and a good therapist can make a huge difference in how long it takes you to recover your emotional balance. A wise person knows when to ask for help. Try to eat - not enough food, too much alcohol, not enough sleep, all those things mess with your blood sugar and your emotional energy. Even if you don't feel like it, EAT! Especially make sure you're eating protein - even if it's a burger from a fast food joint, eat! I promise you that eating at least two, preferably three meals in a day will help your emotional state and your energy to deal with the feelings bombarding you. I wish you the best. Write again so we know how you're doing.

[cassie]

Hi,

It sounds like you are going through a really rough time--stay strong. The hurt from a broken relationship can be the greatest pain of all. My boyfriend left me out of the blue and I stopped going out, eating well and laughing; but I realized also that I had to let go of the pain. I think the key is not to let negative thoughts weight you down--don't stop believing in yourself and don't blame yourself for what happened. You are still a great person. It always takes two for a break-up.

Do you have a craft or hobby that you can do to stay busy? Sometimes having an outlet to express yourself can really help to sort through the pain of a break-up. Some examples that have helped me are: art, music, running...

Take care,
Cassie

[NHO3]

Hi I am a guy and I have or am having similar pains. I was with a woman for 5 years and now we are getting a divorce. The last two years have been very painful. Seeing the end of my marriage come I started to feel depression and anxiety among other things. It wasnt until my wife attempted suicide that I started to seek professional help for the both of us. We started to go to marriage counseling and my wife went through personal therapy. Like ct63 said loss of love and death hurt more than anything else in the world. I almost expereinced both of those at the same time. After working on the marriage for two years I finally accepted what had to be done. I swallowed the pain and talked to my wife about divorce. We both knew it had to be done because we could never be happy together. So now I am experiencing the pain of losing the woman I loved so dearly for the past 5 years. My best friend has helped me more than anything. She has kept me sane and alive. Friends can make a huge difference in your life. I have also started working out and running which helps quite a bit. Like these other posts suggest eating right helps a lot. Your emotions are directly tied into the neurotransmitters in your body. These neurotransmitters come from the food you eat. If you dont eat right then you will lack important components of the emotion system in your brain. I find when I eat the right foods I feel much better no matter what mood I am in. Sleep also helps me to deal with my emotions and pain. I find that the more quality sleep I get the better I can cope with whatever is happening to me. When a person sleeps and goes into REM sleep the brain sorts and processes the things that go on during your life including your thoughts and emotions. When you wake up your are able to think more clearly and understand things better. Anyway I think I might be saying to much lol. Like they said time will heal anything including this. In my experience talking with real friends and doing things that give you energy and stimulate your mind are very helpful. If you like to read that will help as well. I like to read non-fiction books since they teach me stuff. I use computers for entertainment. I just finished playing Doom 3. I pretend the monsters are my pain and loss and destroy them with my guns. Releasing the pain I have in that game helps me to relax and release stored up agression and negative energies. That might not work for you but I think you can get the idea. Find a safe way to expell your negative energies is basically what I am saying.

Hope this helps.

[vegakvd]

I want to thank everyone for their advice. It's been awhile now and you all provided great advice. I am feeling a bit better..however sometimes I will stumble upon a picture or a item that makes me just break down. The thing about this whole situation is this...she basically came to me, i mean, i know that dosen't mean much but she was soooo affectionate and always doing things for me, always thinking of me. She brought me into her home where i basically stayed almost every night. Everything was going great. Her comments were that i didn't know what i wanted in life, and we seemed more like friends lately. I wrote her a note telling her i love her and that i want to work it out but she basically said it was a nice note but dosen't change anything. What do u think caused this drastic change? How can someone want someone soo bad and love them, then be too busy? Should I contiue to try and win her affection back or am I just furthering the pain? Please keep in mind that i absolutely love her and never met anyone like her. Thank you

[ct63]

to get my ex back. I tried to make changes for him and fianlly realized I needed to walk away for my own mental health. I was killing myself by setting myself up for rejection. Has she said anything to give you hope of getting back together? If she hasn't, I know how difficult it is to let go, but you must. Once you let go you can begin to heal. Its not easy but you can get thru it.