Am I just on the side for when he's ready?

[IceIceBabyNYC]

Hey all, I'd love some opinions on my current situation. I started seeing my boyfriend in April of this year. We were together all summer, then separated for various reasons in September, one of them being him being very busy and thinking he wouldn't have time for me, and it wasn't fair to me, etc. So about a month ago he contacted me asking me if we could try and work it out and that he missed me. I agreed that we could hang out and give it a try.

So with that said, we've been hanging out here and there. Usually only once or twice a week. He tells me he's very busy and I believe him but I know that he spends alot of time with his friends, drinking and at bars. This weekend he went out drinking Thursday with his friends, then I asked if we could hang out Friday. He said he was really tired and had work to do, so I said it was cool. Then I find out on Saturday that he was out at a bar with his friends on Friday. Then again on Saturday. So he calls and asks me to hang out today. So I go over there and he ends up getting sick while I'm there. So I suggest maybe I leave so he can rest and he agrees. An hour later he calls me and he gets a call on his house phone. And he tells me its his friend who's coming over to watch the game. I'm trying not to let it bother me, but it does. I was gone for an hour and he already made plans to hang out with somene else????

It just makes no sense to me. I mean I don't buy the whole "I have no time" line anyway. I believe you make time for someone if you really like them. And it's so confusing because just last week he left me this long message telling me how he never says it but how much I mean to him and how he always thinks about me and he wants this to work out. But am I crazy for letting this bother me????

[cassie]

Hmm...

I may be wrong in making this assumption, but it seems that this guy is younger (maybe college years) and is torn between wanting to be with someone he really likes and wanting to be with the guys. The sad part for you is that you are the victim of all of this. My mother is old-fashioned, but she always said that if a man really loves a woman he would do anything for her...I think you should abide by this little rule. If this boy really wants to be with you he'll make a true committment--you don't want all his time of course, it's healthy for him to still hang out with the guys, but he needs to make up his mind and know where his priorities rest; you should be the person he goes to at the end of each day...

I suggest walking away from this 'in limbo' state...you dont have to condemn him or give him a reason as to why you are walking away--just do it. if he really likes you he'll follow.

Hope this helps,
Cassie

[IceIceBabyNYC]

Yes, you are right. He's in college. We're both 22, but I have graduated and he has another year left. I have never had a problem with him hanging out with his friends, I've usually encouraged it. And it's not like his friends want him to ditch me. Most of them have girlfriends who they often bail on hanging out with the guys to spend time with or they invite them along. I think he's obsessed with not looking whipped and keeping control here. But in the mean time, I'm feeling like I'm last on his list. And I'm not the type of girlfriend who is demanding, so I would never demand to be a priority to him. But when I don't hear from him for days at a time, but I find out he was with all these other people it makes me feel pretty bad.

[edwardpaul214]

I was in a relationship with a girl a few years ago, that was very similiar to your situation. She was in college and enjoying the social life in campus.

After a while, she just kept telling me that she was too busy with school, too busy doing this and that....

I'll be honest with you, we never really officially "broke up". We simply just interacted less and less.

I just feel that if someone truly cares about you, they'll find the time for you. Even if it's just a call during the middle of the day just to say "hi".

At some point, you have to confront him about this. Otherwise, you'll always find yourself "waiting" for him.