About Shyness

[negc]

Hi all this forum is new to me but I would like some advice regarding shyness. My gf who is 30, is very shy mainly because of her weight and how she was treated in her past relationship by being put down with name calling. She's about 200lbs but I must say looks good, we have been together for 2 years, our sex life is good but when it comes to being nude shes afraid of that. She would like to shower with me but of course you have to be nude to do that but it holds her back. My question is this and she likes the idea of it, do you think that having her blindfold me during sex or even showering together will help her build up her confidence and self esteem until she gets to the point where the blindfold wont need to be used. I tell her all the time that shes very pretty and theres nothing wrong with her and again this is due to her past relationship. Any advice will be surely appreciated.

Thank You

[NHO3]

I think the blindfold is a good idea for sex not sure how it would work in the shower. I would try to get it to work with sex before the shower. Once she is comfortable having sex with the blindfold then you can go to sex with no lights on so its pitch black no need for blind fold. I think eventually she will work up to shower with no blindfold. As I mentioned in another post on this forum I dated a large girl once and she had low self-esteem regarding her weight. We always had to have sex in the dark but eventually she got comfortable and we could do it with some light. Unfortunatly we broke up before we got to the point where I could see her naked in plain light. Communication helps here a lot. It would help to know what makes her feel good about herself and what doesnt. One thing that overweight people have an issue with is being touched in certain ways that reminds them of their excessive fat. You might want to become aware of those things if your woman has them. There are certain ways to make her feel better about herself I am sure. It may be more involved than just seeing her. If she ever does let you see her nude it would be helpful for her to see you have an erection from seeing her nude if thats possible. That would really help her feel good about how she looks. If the sight of her alone makes you hard I am sure she would want u to see her nude again.

[cassie]

What a sad story...it is too bad how we let past relationships shadow us in the present. I understand your girlfriend's desire to come across invisible because she does not like her body, but life is too short to hide from someone that you love. I suggest that you don't get into the practice of blindfolding. it is not a helpful habit--I understand your concern and that you are trying to help, but this method both literally and figuratively 'masks' the true problem of her insecurities. You are doing the right thing when you tell her that she's beautiful and show unconditional respect...keep on reassuring her; gradually the scar should heal...

Cassie

[edwardpaul214]

I've always felt that the key to romance is having trust and feeling safe. All you can really do is make her feel loved and safe around you. Ultimately, she has to trust you that you like her for the way she is.