:sick:I need HELP!!!:sick:

[ritagyrl]

HI guys, i have a serious question... I have been engaged for almost a year now and really love my fiance. Well not too long ago, i found out he had posted a personal and all that stuff. I was extremely upset. We have since moved to a new town "away " from all the drama but come to find out, he has been talking to girls he has met off a singles site. he is always hiding his phone from me and he knows i am of course going to ask who he is talking/ texting to. I got into his e-mail (which may have been really bad of me) and saw that he had been talking to one girl in particular more than i would say is correct for "friends" to talk especially if you don't know that person, so i e-mailed her and told her who i was and everything..

She responded and said that my fiance had told her he was single but that she had made it clear that she just wanted to be friends. Fine... well he continues to deny that he told her that along with a bunch of other things. I had told him to pack up his crap and leave cuz i don't want to go through crap like that. He turned it all around on me and said that i neede to atay out of his "personal" life and not worry about anything because he comes home every night to me and treats me well. in a way he is right but i just don't understand why he has to do things like that....

i have told him that if i see or find out that he is playing games, that we will not be together ever again. i don't know what to do.

so really, my question is, why would someone go into single sites and start talking to girls and everything when he swears he loves you and you are everything in the world to him? this guy has cried to me in the past telling me how much he loves me and wants to be with me.

i am just dumb for believing him huh???

PLEASE HELP ME....

[brina7133]

To be very honest....I feel for you. Believe it or not, I am going through the same thing!! Albeit, I am not engaged to this man, but we have been together for around 1 year, and from the beginning we had problems with his lies. He lies about everything, including talking to his ex-girlfriend, and recentely I discovered he had posted a personal as well. I confronted him and he says that it was just a joke, and he would never meet anyone like that.....don't feel bad about getting into the emails...I did the same, I also got in to the cell phone bills online!!! When it comes to matters of the heart, we should not blame ourselves for protecting ourselves. He may say that it is his 'personal life', but when it comes to you anticipating spending the rest of your life with this man, you have every right to know the truth, and apparently he is showing you that the truth will not come from him. The tears, and the promises, I've heard them all, but take it from me, a leopard never changes his spots, no matter how many times he will try to convince you, and how much you may want to be convinced, if he lied once, he'll do it again. Guaranteed. He will try everything, if you leave. He will promise to never let you go, and will make it hard for you, but by you catching him in his lie, and staying with him in the end, you are teaching him that you will stay no matter what. He doesn't deserve you as his wife. It sounds to me like he is a man who is always searching for something better or different, and people like that are never satisfied with the blessings they have before them. The problem is that for all the things that you have discovered, there is always more that you haven't. I believe that if you are being shown this before you walk down the aisle, there is a reason for it. You need to figure what you can handle, and remember that EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE STEMS FROM THE VALUE THAT YOU PLACE ON YOURSELF. If you believe you deserve better,go find better. It's hard, because I am sure you love this man a lot, but if he truly loved you he would never be able to lie to you. True love cannot do that. The other factor to this is that even if he 'changes' his ways, you will always have that doubt in the back of your mind, and trust me, that will drive you crazy. Do you want a life of wondering what's in his email, who's texting him, why his cell phone rings more than usual...etc...that is not a good way of living. The man you marry should be every bit as capable of loving and respecting you as you give to him. Remember, marriage is for life. You need a man who will quit trying to charm you, and will respect you. Always remember that you have to respect yourself enough to ask the toughest questions of yourself...what are you willing to handle, and what are you willing to let go??? I wish you all the best.

[l4linda]

Your fiance isn't being honest with you. A relationship that's not built on trust and honesty is not going to be successful. Things usually happen for a reason, and you should take this opportunity to re-think whether you really want to marry this man. Use it wisely.

The stress of cancelling a wedding is much more fleeting, much less painful and heartbreaking than going on marrying a man who says he's committed to you but says you should stay out of his personal life. If he were really committed to you, YOU would be the center of his personal life, and he wouldn't need to hide anything from you.

There ARE good, honest, principled men out there, and it's better to have no relationship than a relationship with someone you can't trust.

There are lots of people who put up with lying, cheating spouses. You have a chance to decide now, knowing what you know, whether you want to be one of them, and whether you want to raise your future children in a home like that.

It seems to me your fiance has made the decision easy for you, because in spite of the sneaking and dishonesty, he has made the truth about what he's doing, and his attitude about it, pretty obvious to you. You just need to decide what to do about it - stay and put up with it knowing what you know, or leave and look for a relationship where you are treated with dignity and respect by someone who shows by his actions that he is worthy of your trust. Kinda seems like a no-brainer, don't it?