A question for girls - difference in 'cute' and 'hot'

[DesertStar]

This is mainly a question for girls.. but if any guys think they know as well, then all answers are appreciated...

I am a VERY shy person.. because I have severe social anxiety disorder, so I have never had a girlfriend before, simply because as bad as I want to, I do not have the courage and confidence to go speak to one.

If you dont know very well what several social anxiety disorder is.. do some research on it before you bash on me about being a 'wuss'. (Click here for a good explaination (.trappedminds./content/view/176/56/#anx5))

Anyway.. so yea.. ive never been able to get a girlfriend. Even when I feel like one might like me, I absolutly cannot get a hold of myself in public and overcome my huge amount of nervousness and tension to speak with her. Just being involved with a small group conversation to me feels like im standing up on a stage in front of the whole school giving a speech that I am not prepared for. So talking to a girl I like is like standing up in front of thousands of people and answering a very hard question that would determine whether or not all those thousands of people live or die.

The thing is that I am very well known although I wouldn't consider myself 'popular', and I am very nice so a lot of people love me. Just walking to each class everyday there are several people who say hey and smile or even yell to me over a crowd of people. A lot of girls flirt with me.. and they all say im cute.. but most of them never even attempt to talk to me other than just saying hey and asking me how my day is going. I answer them nervously but they just say 'thats good' or whatever and walk off. Only one girl has ever actually told me that im hot.. and that was a girl that i am not attracted to at all. There have been a couple girls in the past that I acted like I didn't even exist.. and then I end up overhearing a conversation or something and notice that they like me.. so maybe they just figure I dont like to talk or something.. i dont know.

I kinda met a very very pretty girl today.. i didn't say much.. she is on the yearbook staff and was taking a picture of me and a couple other people for something and somebody mentioned how shy I am and she smiled at me and said a few things and said 'i think its cute'.. refering to the fact that i smile all the time but never say anything. What does that mean?? When girls say somebody is cute or something about them is cute i dont know if they are attracted to me in any way, or if they are just being friendly...

Any thoughts, girls?

[DesertStar]

i dont know why the link wont work.. ive copied and pasted the thing 4 times but it keeps changing when i submit.

This is the url: .trappedminds./content/view/176/56/#anx5

[DesertStar]

ok forget it... go to trappedminds. o r g and on the left click on 'anxiety disorders' and then click on 'social phobia (social anxiety disorder)'

EDIT:
uhhmmm... are url addys not allowed to be posted on this forum or something..?

[Fireangel]

hey man, chill hehe. We girls are not as difficult to understand as you might think. Of course it's cute if you are shy. But remember to take your shyness and fears away when trying to persue something. Life is about fighting for whatever you want. If you want a work you have to fight for it, if you want a girl you have to fight for it, if you want money you have to fight for it , if you want friends you also have to fight for em. I know you are not a coward, everybody has some kind of different phobia or disorder or something they are afraid of. If rejection is one of your fears, I mean, everybody is afraid of rejection. We are human right? But if you don't get out of the shell, you are never gonna meet that girl. It's kind of cute when a boy is shy around you and whatever, but then it's really important for them to start feeling confidence around you, cause if not you can't establish a connection. I am kind of inspired today so, sorry if it's like I am preaching he he . Hope I helped :sparty:

[DesertStar]

thats the problem.. i absolutly can't make myself :(. it is much easier said than done. every day at home before i leave for school or wherever else i work up plenty of confidence and tell myself im not ganna be shy and im just going to ignore my anxiety.. but it does no good. Its not just a phobia i have, its a disorder often accompanied with serious depression.. you can get diagnosed with it and be put on a lot of medication for it, just like depression. But i dont want to get into that.. i want to get over this myself without having to get into doctor perscribed drugs that could affect me in other ways perminantly. I want to talk to her but i never see her and dont know where i can see her. Only reason i saw this one particular girl in the first place was because she is on the yearbook staff and i was pulled out of class for a couple pictures. Honestly.. overcomming my shyness (and for a good number of very shy people actually) is much easier said than done. In a way.. its almost like im seriously addicted to it. It would kind of be like telling an alcoholic never to drink again.. when there is a whole countertop covered in alcoholic drinks 5 feet in front of him.

Life sucks...

[Fireangel]

Hehe life doesn't suck. It's just the way you look at it if it sucks or it doesn't. I mean, just because you are shy it doesn't mean that you are not cute, or nice, or intelligent or the other wonderful things you might be. And just think that if you pass through that wall, she will be able to see the wonderful stuff you might give to her, it all depends in you going up to her and starting by saying hi. You know what? We girls are shy too, and it absolutely sucks, no matter how beautiful you might be, you always have a little insecurity thing unless you are not human. We're all shy, no matter how beautiful or whatever a person may be. Like we all have those kinds of insecurities. If you ask her out or something, she might say yes she might say no. But at least you tried to ask her out and approach her. Besides, what if you do ask her out and you are the one who finally things she's an airhead and it's not worth talking to her anymore. She is the one who's gonna be concerned if you haven't called.

[pamelarosew]

I hate computers! Anyway, if you are phobic about something the best way to get better is to "condition" yourself to the phobia. I am phobic of spiders, so I have had to literally let spiders live in a web in my kitchen so I could get used to them. In your case, maybe it would help to just hang around where girls congregate. Go to the mall or someplace where there are alot of girls you DON'T know. You could actually practice talking to them at the food court or something. Just say hi or ask them for directions to something. If you have to stand in line for something, try talking to the person next to you. You're not asking for a date at this point and you don't know these people and there's nothing to lose. And maybe you'll make a new friend. Hope this helps.

[jgkhjgkh]

the main difference between cute and hot is dat cute is something they would wanna settle with when they are married...and hot is wat they want now...girls are just pigs just like us men lol...its like mentally they don't mature...they realize that the "bad boys" aren't for dem...and nice guys like us are...iunno...dats my opinion so don't hate...

[DesertStar]

the main difference between cute and hot is dat cute is something they would wanna settle with when they are married...and hot is wat they want now...girls are just pigs just like us men lol...its like mentally they don't mature...they realize that the "bad boys" aren't for dem...and nice guys like us are...iunno...dats my opinion so don't hate...

i love you!! w00t! Oh God i hope she thinks im cute.. :D

[Fireangel]

Ok guys, I am gonna try to explain this to you in your own vocabyulary. It's not necessarily hot or cute in a personality way, but in a physical way. Like for example, you guys could say Mandy Moore, or Jessica Simpson are cute. Cause their physical appearance projects certain girlie goodie look you know? And you would say for example that Carmen Elektra is hot. For example, for us..well for me, I would say Brad Pitt has a baby face type of look, I would say Lenny Kravitz is hot, just cause he is very sensual physically.

[DesertStar]

so then does that mean there is any real difference in what girls favor more? cute or hot? According to your comparison, I know i would probably go with what jgkhjgkh said.. i would probably want to settle down and marry a 'cute' girl rather than a hot one.

[Spice]

i think cute is more of permantant thing.. hot is more of physically attraction.. i mean... like brad pitt is HOT.. but i wouldnt go marry him because i am not looking for a guy like him.. im not sure how to explain that exactly hope it helps make sense ?

[DesertStar]

spice your a sexay son of a buscuit, and yea that does make since

[Spice]

*grins* heheh :bunny:

[Hikari]

Wow, you sound just like me! Except for the fact that people talk to you. :lol:

I most likely have social anxiety disorder too, plus a lot of shyness. When my friends or family talk to other people, I tend to just walk away. Me: "Oh look! An antique collection of floss! Something that I'll never use! I think I'll just go over here and look at it..." *walks away slowly*

Anyways... I don't understand why everyone thinks that "cute" is a long lasting thing and "hot" isn't. Husbands and/or wives can still be "hot" even when they get older, and sexy women or men can still be "cute". I'm considered "cute" by all of my friends, but does that mean I can never be "hot"? ... ... Ok, maybe it does, but that's not the point!

It's all in the eye of beholder.

I, personally, try not to judge people on whether they're "cute" or "hot" or even "sane". I like personality, and someone could be really "cute" or "hot" (or "sane", lol) but be a really big jerk when you get to know them. So, I believe appearances are overrated. :rolleyes:

If she says your cute, then at least she noticed you! People don't even notice me, so you're a whole hell of a lot further then I ever got! Yay for you!! :cheer2: (Sometimes I just say things to have an excuse to put in a smiley. It's sad, really.)

My advice in talking to the girl would be to... STALK HER!!! :agree: But, that's my advice for anything, so it's very vague and might not apply to you. :p

Or... you could just say, "Hi". It's a great pick-up line, you know. ;)

...Hey! I just thought of something else you can do to get her attention!

Give her gifts!! It works on me (if anyone ever even thought about giving me something... :bawling: ... lol, just kidding)! Girls love flowers, and jewlery, and cooking! COOK FOR HER!! Aw! That's would be great! Find out her favorite meal and make it for her!! Wow, I'd love that! I made a lemon merengue pie for my best friend once (who's a guy) and he really liked it (even though he didn't eat it all, that bastard). :)

I guess, if you decide to give her gifts, then you should do something "from the heart", something that'll make her go "Oh, that's so sweet!" and then she'll kiss you, or hug you! CONTACT! YES!!! (I know, that sounded slightly dirty, but that's not what I meant... -_-)

OK! Well, now I'm rambling, so I'll stop now. Wish you luck! I'm rootin' for 'ya! :cheer: