Help!!! Please.... I Need Opinions

[elvenmistress]

I am a mwf who accidentally began a SERIOUS flirtation with a man whom I see professionally (not for sex or anything) on a regular basis. He is recently divorced, approx 10 years older than myself. I am so confused because he is BEAUTIFUL on so many levels and he just seems so taken with me. We just talk and talk talk through our short time together and he always makes direct eye contact, has touched me "accidentally" on a few occassions, etc. It is obvious flirting. And I am EXTREMELY attracted to him. Should I make a move, should I respond if he makes a move? I would not be able to say no. HELP!!!!!

[E76]

If you are married, it would be very inappropriate for either of you to make a move.

[elvenmistress]

while i realize that, unfortunately it is not always that simple. i truly feel a connection between this other person & myself & wonder if it's worth it to take the chance. how do i know i'm not letting fate slip away unless i try? you can't help who you fall for and timing is always, always wrong! i know it's unfair, cruel and dishonest. i wish it weren't so complicated. but i know me & i know if he makes a move i won't be able to resist. i guess i am weak. and still utterly confused. thanks.

[Chuckie]

Did/do you have this same connection with your husband?

Is this guy worth your marriage. Do you feel that good with him?

[elvenmistress]

well, there was a connection with my husband at first, we've been married for almost 5 years. but somewhere along the line we became more like buddies instead of husband and wife. we haven't had sex in months, literally. we get along fine but it's like were roommates & not married. i don't know if this other man is worth my marriage but i just feel like i have to know. but yes, i do feel that good with him. he couldn't be more of what i want in a man. but i do still love my husband, but it's like i said, we're buddies. this whole mess just sucks anyway you look at it.

[dewshine]

Yikes what a situation.....

I understand your situation but you have to take into account your husband. Give it some serious thought, maybe try to communicate with your husband how you feel, he maybe is feeling the same way and maybe you two could work things to where you feel that connection again.

I really really REALLY advise against extra-marital affairs. Things like those onlly make things worse for you in the long run, even if your husband never finds out you will have to live with the fact that you cheated on him. Maybe you won't care....but being emotional about two men will confuse you and make you make wrong decisions and cloud your judgement.

Think about things....

[elvenmistress]

i appreciate your honesty. i was just thinking to myself on the ride home from work, that i need to take a step back from the situation & really think about it...hard. i really don't want to hurt my husband either. but at the same time i do need to consider my happiness as well. i think he & i do need to sit down & talk about what has happened in our marriage & why it has reached such a stalemate. but w/ this person in question, NOTHING has happened physically yet, just major flirtation. i just don't know how strong my will is to resist becoming physical w/ him if the opportunity presents itself. not to mention i am starved for physicality w/ a man. and my husband never wants to have sex & the more & more we become "friends" the less i am attracted to him physically. it used to be so good, but somewhere along the way it just stopped. i haven't gained a ton of weight or whatever, i think i look more attractive now then i ever have. i'm not sure what the problem is. maybe we need counseling. problem w/ that is i couldn't drag my husband to counseling at gunpoint. ugh!!! this is a heavy thing to deal with.

[zara]

Well, I'm not married nor have I ever been in a situation like yours. But I can imagine how stressful in can be.
However, like everyone keeps saying, you don't want to get involved in an extra-marital relationship just like that...over some flirting moves from a man. Think about the hurt you'll inflict on everyone: yourself, your husband and that man if you guys do get involved. THese kinds of relationship never work because they started on the wrong foot.

I know you say you have problems in your marriage, that you guys haven't had sex for a while. Maybe that's why you're so attracted to this man's attention, from the lack of it from your husband. So like someone else said, talk about it to him. Men often justify having affairs on the 'fact" that their wives neglected them. I personally think it's a useful excuse. Sorry! if you get married with someone then there should be something to it more than the sex and when you don't get it you should be able to speak about it. every marriage has its up and downs. It's your ability (and your husband's) to work through those ups and downs that will make it work at the end of the day

That being said, maybe you still want to risk your marriage to be with that other man. You can totally do that. But make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and that you can deal with the consequences: hurting your husband, possibly him finding out and issueing a divorce, you being free for the other man then and him not wanting to be with you anymore because deep down he won't trust you as someone who cheated on her husband, and if your husband doesn't find out can you live with this, and if you can just know that once a cheater is always a cheater.

Sorry if I seem moralistic. Just giving my thoughts on it and hope it helps. Good luck.

[Chuckie]

If your husband doesn't want to improve your relationship, maybe it's time to move on.

Honestly give him a chance. I know some people who are closer after they get divorced than when they are married.

Take it a step at a time. Have you considered going away for a little while? Maybe you will miss him. It might ignite the spark again. Things are always more valuable when you don’t have them.

In any relationship it changes after a while. Getting out of this one might not be the answer. You might get into another one and the same thing happens.

[dewshine]

Well here's some ideas for you about your husband...

1. DO sit and talk about how you feel about your marriage.

2. Try to take a weekend trip together somewhere away from the stresses of your home. Maybe go somewhere that has magical memories for you both or go do something that you both enjoy doing together...that may help you both see how much you belong together and put a bit of spark back into it. I've done this one before and it helps.

And if that doesn't work, then maybe you should try a trial separation and see where you both are after a while of being without each other.

Good luck!

[Chuckie]

Well here's some ideas for you about your husband...

1. DO sit and talk about how you feel about your marriage.

2. Try to take a weekend trip together somewhere away from the stresses of your home. Maybe go somewhere that has magical memories for you both or go do something that you both enjoy doing together...that may help you both see how much you belong together and put a bit of spark back into it. I've done this one before and it helps.

And if that doesn't work, then maybe you should try a trial separation and see where you both are after a while of being without each other.

Good luck!


Good Advice !