dating and religion?

[sandmanDSP]

I'm curious... should religion be a factor in who people choose to date? Reason why I ask is that I've been dating a born-again christian girl on and off for quite a while... I really like her a lot, and she tells me that she has great times with me and really likes me too, but doesn't want to get too attached to me because I'm not "Christian" ...Sure, I'm not as into religion as she is, and I don't go to church or read the Bible much because I don't agree with a lot of things, but I was raised Catholic and went to church until I was about 13, and I do believe in God and Jesus and in all the messages of the Christian religion, and I try to be a good person... Can anybody out there who is religious tell me if that really seems like such a big deal when choosing who to date? Is there something in the Bible that frowns upon people really "officially" into God and religion dating someone like me who is only partly into it and kind of worships God in my own way?

[Soullus]

Lord would never command to marry an improper man.. (not saying that you are...) which would be contradictory to His command to: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"
2 Cor. 6:14

Its because of her personal convictions with GOD. But, possibly her parents may have a role in her not making a commitment to you.. for anything. If you like her the way that you say you do, then why don't you attend church with her.. I mean you do like her... right? Then show some effort, on your part and ask to attend church with her. She may then see that you are truly interested in "her" and not her body parts.. (no offense given..)

What exactly is it that you don't believe about the bible? Because for a true Christian it is vital that your partner be one likewise, less temptation...

[Dreamer18]

WEll I have always been told that if you are a christian that you should date other believers, because that will make your christian walk with God more strong. In my personal opinion, I feel that if dating a non- christian allows you to continue to be yourself and worship God then you should do what you want. In the bible it isn't frowned upon persay, but 2 Corinthians 6:14 talks about how if you are a christian, you to should be a christian. I think going to church with her would be a good idea, but not for the same reasons.Don' go to church because you want to see her and make her happy, go to church because you have a true thirst and hunger for the word of God. Don't try to use her religion to impress her, but let her be willing to use her faith in hopes to turn you into a more christian man. And as far as the bible is concerned, that is God's word, and if you believe what I am saying about being unequally yoked, then you should believe the bible in it's entirety. It is our sword to fight off the devil and to use as our link with God, Prayer is also a very powerful tool of Gods. Hope I was helpful! And read Matther7:7!!! Good luck!!

[sandmanDSP]

Oh, I'm actually familiar with that verse... And I just said that I DO believe in God and Jesus and that I was raised Catholic.... Why am I still labeled a non-believer and a non-Christian???? She does that to me too sometimes, and I can't stand it. I have read the Bible before (not in a while though, but I'm getting back into it), so I do know whereof I speak.... I agree with the morals and lessons and stuff... but I am also a scientist... I don't believe in using the Bible to explain scientific phenomena... It's a guide to the way a person should live their life, not a textbook, and unless the whole story of Creation is a metaphor for 400 billion years of evolution, then that is an example of something I don't buy... My girl also believes that in a marriage, the man is supposed to lead the woman and family in prayer and worship, and being that she will always be so much farther ahead in all that than I am, she thinks it would be against God's word... Personally, even though I know the Bible is God's word, keep in mind that is was transcribed from God by humans... and humans are by no means perfect, so there is a lot of room for interpretation... When I'm with her and she's talking about the Christian walk, it is very encouraging to hear... I actually have gone to church with her before just to remember what it was like, and it was good... I know if I was to accept this "Neo-Christian" way of life (I call it "Neo" because being raised Catholic and being a believer in Jesus Christ, I AM ALREADY Christian, no matter what anyone says), I'd want to do it for myself and God, and not for this girl though.... But I know that being with this girl would make me happy and it kind of angers me that apparently God doesn't want me to be with her... Sometimes I even question my faith in God over this, but then I realize that God has a plan for us all and He will give us our life-partner when the time is right... Although, I also know that humans often mess things up, and in that case who's to say that she isn't the right one for me, but that we're just messing this up since it was God who allowed us to meet each other? Actually, could I get some non-religious views on this all also?

[Kaisharga]

Let me, as the token heathen of this board, take up a stance on this.

To quote, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers..."

Allow me to focus on a slightly different bit of this. Look at the fourth word--unequally. This is VERY important. This indicates consternation for relationships where one person thinks their religion, and therefore themselves, superior to the other, where the other person kind of accepts that and is badgered because of it. Et cetera, similar situations, yada yada. This is the 'darkness' and 'unrighteousness' that is referred to later. However, if the two people can love eachother regardless of their religious affiliation, then it's okay--it doesn't matter if one's Catholic and the other's Satanist (i have a whole big rant on that, if anyone's interested), or if one's Zen Buddhist and the other's Wiccan. The big deal here is the 'unequal' part--each person has their own right to their own beliefs.

This, however, makes me wonder why there's nothing referred about unequal yoking-together of Believers. Or maybe that's the next verse? I've never actually read the whole Bible front-to-back, so I don't know.

I just love how people can twist verses like these to mean 'You should HATE anyone who's not Christian JUST LIKE YOU!"

Doesn't the bible also state, "Love thy neighbor?" Something about all God's children being equal in His eyes? Someone who actually owns a bible, help me out here.

--Kaisharga of Undenoted Religious Affiliation

[Dreamer18]

Well i guess now i am going to have to go off on my christianity!!! God knows that we are all equal. The sins in our lives are washed away by our God, if we believe in him and know that when he comes back one day that we will die and go to heaven, then are sins are forever gone. All sins are equal! No matter if it is adultery or if it is lieing to your mother. God tells us not to hate the sinner but to love the sinner, it then goes on to say but hate the sinner. " can two people walk together without agreeing on a direction?" Amos 3:3. God tells us to date christians that believe the same as we do. being a satanist is not being a christian. Yes if in the case that you do date someone of a different religion, in my opinion the christian is the superior. The man of the house is supposed to be the leader of all things including religion. In my personal opinion if you can be happy without being equally yoked then do so. That is not saying one is any less than the other in religion. It is saying that you should be of the same religion,not better or worse. Once again God tells us not to hate anyone. The bible does say love thy neighbor, i never said it didnt say to love thy neighbor, all it says is to hate the sin in their lives. Maybe before you quote your opinion you should get the facts straight! I hope I was of help. Living through him,
Dreamer18

[Dreamer18]

in part of this posting i said hate the sinner, i meant to say hate the sin, and love the sinner. Correction, I am sorry!!

[Kaisharga]

*Whips out the dissection knife 'o' logic*


Well i guess now i am going to have to go off on my christianity!!! God knows that we are all equal. The sins in our lives are washed away by our God, if we believe in him and know that when he comes back one day that we will die and go to heaven, then are sins are forever gone.


I've never been really knowledgeable about this whole 'when he comes back' stuff, but I have to commend you on saying 'our God' instead of just 'God.' Otherwise I could pick on your ethnocentrism ;)


All sins are equal! No matter if it is adultery or if it is lying to your mother. God tells us not to hate the sinner but to love the sinner, it then goes on to say but hate the sin. "Can two people walk together without agreeing on a direction?" Amos 3:3.


I'd say no, but then again religion does not equal direction. It's more of a map--if two people follow different maps, they may yet find the same path to walk. To put this in non-metaphoric context, most, if not all, religions have a basic 'be a good person' basis--they just go about some of the methods in different ways.


God tells us to date christians that believe the same as we do.


Where is this? I find this one a little strange.



Yes if in the case that you do date someone of a different religion, in my opinion the christian is the superior.


OK, now you get an ethnocentrism point ;)
*just realized he sounds really critical*
Um, don't mean to sound harsh or picking on you personally--just trying to figure out all this stuff, and you happen to be here. We can make this a whole big debate-like diatribe--that would actually be pretty cool :agree:


The man of the house is supposed to be the leader of all things including religion.


That's funny, I've always known the females to be 'the boss' around the house. Especially in Catholic families...

And what if the Christian is the female? Is the man still the leader of all things, including religion?

In my personal opinion if you can be happy without being equally yoked then do so. That is not saying one is any less than the other in religion.


Getting mixed signals. Didn't you just say the Christian would be the superior?


It is saying that you should be of the same religion,not better or worse. Once again God tells us not to hate anyone. The bible does say love thy neighbor, i never said it didnt say to love thy neighbor, all it says is to hate the sin in their lives. Maybe before you quote your opinion you should get the facts straight! I hope I was of help.


Uh, this one is My Bad. Shoulda made it clearer--the last two paragraphs in my last post were just to the general public, you yourself were not guilty of the things I was poking at. Sry about the misunderstanding.

*puts down the surgical tools*

As a post-thought, I'd better mention that this isn't supposed to be an attack on you or your views--and I apologize if anyone takes it that way--I'd rather hear intelligent conversation, clarification, discussion on the topic. Put me in my place, please! :agree:

--Kaisharga, who LOVES talking intelligently about religion

[Dreamer18]

You've been put in your place. You are the superior one!( Do you sense the sarcasim? I hope so!) Cause i could go on and on about my religion and the beliefs of God. If you need any clarification I am here!

[Kaisharga]

Please do, I'd like to hear some arguments against my previous post :)

--Kaisharga

[RosaMystica7]

I'm Catholic and yes I'd love to date a guy that I could bring to Church with me and stuff, but I really don't think God would want to keep me from loving someone. He was the one that said to love everyone. He was the one that sent Jesus out healing people, even the Samaritans whom the Jewish people despised back then. REAL love knows no boundaries. God made everyone, God loves everyone. 'Love one another as I have loved you' not 'Love only the other Christians as I have loved you'

[bngnprg]

I'm kind of in a similar situation... Loving all people is one thing, but loving one particular person romantically seems to be an entirely different thing to these people... Seeing as how the Bible is full of contradictions, I'm sure there is some verse which clearly refutes the whole "unequally yoked" verse... If we could find such verse, it would solve all our problems

[amanda1]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WAS SO GOING TO POST SOMETHING, take two, becaue my computer froze the first time I tried.. but apparently I was idle for too long.. and it ate my message.. it was good, too.. ::sigh:: sorry, but I don't feel like rewriting it now.. leave me a message or something if you'd like to hear what I have to say anyway, for all I know you don't even need help anymore! :mad:

::amanda1, who is extremely peeved at technology at the moment::

[bngnprg]

i'm still interested in what you have to say :)

check this out... the girl i'm interested in says, "you're one of my best friends, but you're just not mr. right... mr. right to me is a practicing christian... that's what i really really want right now." i think its a shame that she's limited herself like that... as long as she finds a great guy for her, like i think i am, it shouldn't matter, if he was to turn out to be a practicing christian, all the better for her...

its a dumb reason not to want to go out with a person... i know quite a few practicing born-again christians and quite frankly, a lot of them can be mean and be assholes, but its ok, they can do whatever they want because they are "saved" (yeah right)...

does this girl mean she'd rather have a jerk who just happens to be of the same religion over a great guy no matter what faith he chooses? personally, i'm not into religion, but still i would treat her like gold because i want to and not because some book (bible) tells me thats what i should do...

why is it ok for someone to base their relationships on religion? hypothetically, that is like saying, "i won't date anybody who isn't white, even if they are a good person for me" its a kind of discrimination, religious discrimination... discrimination of any kind is generally not good... laws protect against racial/sexual/religious discrimination in the work force and stuff.... and there is a reason for those laws... everybody deserves an equal chance at life, liberty, and happiness...

and i feel that the same should apply to romantic relationship... people, especially "christians" who are supposed to be all loving and all, need not to be so closed-minded when it comes to relationships with other people because ultimately closed-mindedness is what brings about all social conflicts.... wow... that was a good rant... thoughts anyone?

[amanda1]

This post is going to be much shorter than the other one I had written, mainly due to the fact that I have class in half an hour...
Why the hell do people think Catholics aren't Christian??? I don't understand that, since there was no mainstream Protestant religion until Martin Luther... in the 1500's... ::sigh:: people are so ignorant...
Don't go to church simply because she wants you to. That's being hypocritical- read Matthew 6, it's all about not praying and worshiping and doing good deeds so others can see you. That's when Christianity becomes a title and not a way of life.
It seems to me that this girl, as good and Christian as she thinks she is, is judging you. Read Matthew 7- "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get."
I like that passage, hehe.
You might want to point that out to her- it seems she's doing something she'd be against without even realizing it!
She also might be viewing dating the way it used to be seen as- that every person you dated was a possible consideration for marriage. That's why people went 'out on dates' before 'going steady'. Of course, not many people do that today- but if she has this mindset, that's why it's bothering her so much.
Onto the 'unequally yoked' passage that everyone seems to like so much. I went to Bible Gateway (don't feel like finding the url) and searched under several different Bibles, and not all of them had 'unequally' in that verse. Mine doesn't- therefore, you can either read it as being literally, "if we don't have the EXACT SAME faith we can't be together", or as figuratively- not to date or become influenced by people who do not believe in God at all. I think that was the main point, because back then you either believed or didn't believe. There was no variations, like today, where there's 7 million religions and each person believes something different. Religion today has become such a big deal, and I don't understand why.
SandmanDSP, in your second post you say, "But I know that being with this girl would make me happy..." I don't know about anyone else, but being called a non Christian or non believer would piss me off IMMENSELY, and since you also said that it bothers you, I don't understand where you're getting the happiness from. Obviously if it wasn't bothering you there would be no need for these posts at all.. so, I'm sort of confused there- also, you never mentioned anything about love, just like.. maybe you can clear this up for me!
To bngnprg- maybe those are just her standards. You can't help what other people want; say you really wanted to be with someone who loved playing a certain sport-if ms perfect comes along, and doesn't play that sport, you might not give her a chance! It can go both ways- wanting your s/o to be a practicing Christian shouldn't be looked at as being closeminded- she wants that for a reason, and maybe she'll get it and maybe she won't, but either way, if mr perfect isn't a practicing Christian, and they're REALLY meant to be, she'll realize that. Fear not!
Sadly, I think your comment about born agains is sort of true- people who take the Bible literally think that everyone else is going straight to hell if they don't believe the same thing, and they spend so much time telling everyone how they're wrong- I don't belive that's right, but whatever- to each his own, I'm not going to judge anyone :D
AHHHHHH class now! I might have left stuff out, if I did I'll be back :) Feel free to post in responce, I'd love to hear other people's opinions!

[sandmanDSP]

i think i've realized that a lot of it is sometimes people use differences in religion, among many many other things, as a front to cover up their own fears and insecurities about getting in a relationship with someone... it just really sucks when you're really into the person, and even though you're great friends, they start going after other people who they think fit their criteria better, and you have to hear about it... i really need to get over this girl so that i can be just friends, but its hard... plus its not like i have millions of beautiful girls knocking down my door every day

[Kaisharga]

What I wanna know is WHY she wants another of her religious denomination. Is she worried about any kids she might have being brought up under the 'right' religion? (Oh gawd, my skin crawls at using that word combination together...) Does she want to practice the rituals daily, but never alone, for some reason? Is she worried that you'll 'corrupt' her or the kids or your family name and bring ruin down upon your house, damning it with a curse of a thousand years?

No wait, that was something I read in a book somewhere.

In any case, I sure as hell am curious.

--Kaisharga

[RosaMystica7]

Yeah I agree with Kai a little and something someone posted earlier. A lot of Christians still teach that dating is interviewing for marriage. I've heard that before at different retreats I've been to. I've heard a lot of problems like people of 2 distantly different religions marrying and not being able to agree on what to teach their kids. So they don't teach their kids any religion and the kid has to find out everything about different religions and pick one if he/she wants to. That can be kind of hard, mommy and daddy fighting about what's right who's right and where you go when you die. I don't know her well enough to say what her beliefs are but maybe she's worried that if you 2 get too attached you may get married someday and you'll have this problem.

Now I try not to get into religious conversations like this cuz I get a little protective of my beliefs. I'm trying reeeeeeeeeeally hard not to so that shouldn't happen here. But you know what really set me off. This comment by amanda1:

"people who take the Bible literally think that everyone else is going straight to hell if they don't believe the same thing, and they spend so much time telling everyone how they're wrong"

I take the Bible very seriously, and I know for a teenager living in NY that's weird. The last thing I believe is that everybody's wrong and going to hell! If someone takes the Bible literally they would've read the part about being humble! Being humble means that you know you're not always right and you're willing to admit that you can be wrong sometimes. Just because I'm a Catholic and I follow the Bible doesn't mean I'm a god and can say who's right who's wrong and who's going where. What I've gotten out of the Bible is that the God written in it actually loves the people He made... He doesn't say anything about loving only the people who love Him. Actually He says to love the people that don't love you, cuz what good is it loving only the people that love you back. So for all I know Hitler could be in heaven. Just because I'm Christian doesn't give me the right to judge ANYONE.

"people who take the Bible literally think..."
Is it just me or is that stereotyping. You don't know me, so how can you say what I think? I can go sit in Church and every single person there can have different opinions on the one same religion. How can you say what each of them think?

"to each his own, I'm not going to judge anyone "
But you just did. :confused:

Then from bngnprg

" "christians" who are supposed to be all loving and all, need not to be so closed-minded when it comes to relationships with other people because ultimately closed-mindedness is what brings about all social conflicts"

You're telling a huge group of people not to be close-minded right... Well you're being close-minded by saying "christians" are all close-minded!

"can two people walk together without agreeing on a direction?"

Ok if you're gonna quote Bible verses, remember the text that they're in. The whole beginning of Amos chapter 3 is talking about how God favoured Israel and they backed away from Him. God favoured the people in Israel because at the time they were the only ones that worshipped Him and not some statue made out of gold. With God's favour came responsibility to keep on doing what they were doing for Him, and what did they do but turn to golden statues instead. So God is telling them that He can't walk with them while they're worshipping golden statues. In the Bible I own (there's different versions of Bibles, this is just the one I have) 'Can two people walk together unless they have agreed?' is like God saying in modern day language 'Do you love me or not. I can't walk with you unless you want me to.' Take that as you will, I can't tell you how to interpret anything.

We can throw quotes... take them in and out of text... send our own opinions flying... but no matter what ANY of us say it won't change the world. Everybody's different, people will date who they want to date, and who are we to say they're wrong? None of us here know what's ultimately right or wrong, no matter what religion we are IF we have one.

Sorry to write a novel, that wasn't my original intention. It's hard to stop me once I get started on religion.