your opinions PLEASE!!!

[PTC99]

so confused.............i finally started crushing on a guy that i have been REALLY close friends with for a couple of years (and everyone tells me that he has a crush on me)....the thing is, i just don't know if he likes me "that way"!!! i mean, we hang out for hours on end, we can talk to eachother about anything, i know i'm not ugly but i just don't wanna be turned down! it's too crazy for me to just straight out ask him 'cause if he says "no", then our friendship is completely ruined! to put the icing on the cake, he just admitted to me that he messed around with a mutual friend of ours a couple of months ago but that it "didn't mean anything" to him. my questions are: if he likes me as much as everyone thinks he does, why would he mess around with her? why would he admit it to me? MOST IMPORTANTLY: how can i dropt subtle hints that would make him realize that i am ready and willing for a relationship with him??????

[Kaisharga]

I think you're imagining things when you say that he'll stop being friends with you if you ask him out and he says 'no.' I can't find any reason why that would be the case, in all my knowledge of sociology and psychology. And, speaking of which, all signs point to the idea that he wants to go out with you, too. So see if he wants to have lunch/dinner/whatever sometime. Make it casual, so there's no 'date' obligation. Just friends. Then you can move it along further if you want to.

A good idea might be if you ask him to lunch, make sure he comes alone, no friends invited, because you need to 'talk to him about something.' And then, when you do get together, you can bring up your feelings for him. Or, if he forgets about it and you just talk about other things, you don't have to bring it up if you're too nervous. It's a very free-form situation, you guide the path that you travel. Or some similar better-worded metaphor.

Summary: Just go for it. Stop talking yourself out of it.

--Kaisharga

[Soullus]

Well, from what I can see your thoughts are revolved around assumptions..

Quote:

--I just don't know if he likes me "that way"!!!--

--but i just don't wanna be turned down!--

-- if he says "no", then our friendship is completely ruined!--

These are all "Assumptions" we all are guilty of it one way or another.. the key is to stopped ourselves from self abuse and self dispare... We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything.. the problem with assumptions is we believe they are the truth. We could swear that they are real.

We make assumptions about what others are thinking or doing. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole bug drama for nothing.

All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Take a moment to consider the truth of this statement. The whole world of control between humans is about making assumptions and taking things personally.

In the human mind creates alot of chaos which causes us to misinterpret everything and misunderstand everything. We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We have the habit of dreaming with no basis in reality. and then sometimes we do, but throw it all out of proportion.. by making an assumption.

We are literally dreaming things up in our imaginations. Becuase we don't understand something, we make an assumption about the meaning, and when the truth comes out, the bubble of our dream POPS and we find out is was not what we thought it was at all.

An example.. from personal experience here..

In any kind of relationship we can make the assmption that others know what we think, and we don't have to say what we want. They are going to do what we want because they know us so well. If they don't do or say what we want them to say, what we feel that they should say or do, we feel hurt and think, " How could you do that? You should know" Again we make the assumption that the other person knows what we want. A whole drama is created because we make this assuption and the put more assumptions on top of it.

Its very interesting how the human mind works. We feel the need to justify everything.. In your case.. something is in need of justification.. but in others its in order to feel safe.

We have millions of questions that need answers because there are so many things that the reasoning mind cannot explain. For us, it is not always important to have the correct answer, but just to have an answer itself makes us feel safe. This is why we make assumptions.

If others tell us something, we make assumptions, and if they don't tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to COMMUNICATE. and I stress communicate. Even if we hear something we don't understand, we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions.

These assumptions are made so fast that and unconsciously most of the time because we have agreements to communicate this way. We have agreed that it is not safe to ask questions; we have agreed that if people love us, they should know what we want or know how we feel. I could go on forever maybe even gone to far I felt compelled to share this with you.. Please feel free to comment about what I have shared with you and veryone else that have read this message..(Novel) lol

On a closing note please remember these four agreements.. if you'd like I can elaborate on all of them..

#1 Be Impeccable With Your Word--- Speak with integrity, Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

#2 Don't Take Anything Personally--- Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, thier own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won't be the victim of
needless suffering.

#3 Don't Make Assumptions--- Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.

And #4 Always Do Your Best--- Your best will change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are
healthy as supposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse,and regret.


Well best of wishes--

[RosaMystica7]

I've been friends with this one guy for 5 years. 4 years ago, I somehow had a crush on him and wrote him a letter asking him if he'd go out with me. He said he didn't wanna date friends and he wasn't looking for a relationship at all anywayz. Now, 4 years later, he's one of the best friends I've got. I can talk to him about anything, and if I'm in a bad mood all I have to do is call him and we'll talk for hours. Even if it's about nothing, he still cheers me up. So if things worked out for me after asking him out, things'll work out fine for you!