how to make a relationship work?

[nancy]

Why is it whenever I have committed to someone, it always doesnt work? Im trying my very best to make it work but it always fail? can you guys give me some advice how to make a relationship work, and can you give me some tips on how can I put some spice on my relationship. thanks!:love: :love:

[Kaisharga]

Don't forget that a relationship has TWO people. It might not be something that you were doing wrong, it might be something that the other person was doing wrong. And the best thing you can do for a relationship is to be yourself. After that come things like be kind and caring, be sensitive to their needs, be willing to do things for them--but don't be desperate and clingy, don't be overcome by their every want, etc--you have to be your own person, as well.

--Kaisharga, who was sure he had something else to say too

[Angeleyes]

Maybe you’re trying too hard to make the relationship work…….what’s that saying……………treat them mean………..keep them keen.:)

Men (well what little I know about them hehehe) - like a challenge. So you could do like I have done in the past for a laugh. When he calls for you and knocks the door – throw a bucket of water from the window above - that is sure to get a good reaction - it did when I did it - (when he finally got hold of me we started play-fighting and it ended up with him getting his revenge by throwing me in a tub of cold water… and then it progressed - well you can probably guess the rest :o ).

Or you could when you next bake a cake – put loads of cream on it then shove it in his face and then proceed by licking it off (I haven't tried this one out – yet :D, but hope to sometime in the near future);) :lol:

Good luck.

[bmoregirl]

GIRL ALWAYS KEEP THEM GUESSING ABOUT AT LEAST SOMETHING. THAT WAY YOU STAY IN CONTROL OF LEAST SOMETHING!!!!

[JimmyBlue]

Originally posted by nancy
Why is it whenever I have committed to someone, it always doesnt work? Im trying my very best to make it work but it always fail? can you guys give me some advice how to make a relationship work, and can you give me some tips on how can I put some spice on my relationship. thanks!:love: :love:

Maybe you keep trying to make something work, that
just won't. That is, perhaps you are attracted to guys
who aren't the settling-down type, and when you try
to obtain their commitment by offering yours, they
decide it's time to split before you order the dress.
If you like the exciting men, but expect to domesticate
them, your life will be... interesting.

You can make a relationship work, but that's, like...
work. If it's something that needs constant maintenance,
sooner or later you're going to get tired of it unless there
are substantial rewards. And you need the effort of your
partner, who similarly might just get tired of working
and decide on a vacation instead. So you have to be
on your toes (and often enough on your knees ;) )
if you have a make-it-work type of relatonship.

Sometimes, though, you find someone who's no trouble
at all, and just simply enjoys your company (and being
your chew toy). When you just play happily together,
that's better than work any old time.

Also a good chance there are cultural nuances I
don't get. Only Filipina I ever knew, decided I was her
forever boyfriend after one night and threatened to kill
me if I looked at other women. Suffice to say that I
didn't go back for a second date on that one. Anyway,
maybe you're trying to set up roles for people that
they don't want to step into (boyfriend, OK; husband,
no way!).

[Pandora1980]

You need 2 things here.
1- a relationship worth working at. Do you think you're really a perfect match with the guys you're dating or are there a lot of things you both wish were different about the other?
--- DO NOT try to fix those things- find someone else who's not broken. Sometimes it's not a matter of making it work- it's a matter of picking right.

Make sure you're with the guy b/c you really, honestly think you're good together.

2- Communication, understanding, insight (ok- that's more than 2 things). Provided #1 holds true- you gotta communicate with the guy- don't play games (but don't go the psycho route either). Some games are ok- but if he does something that bothers you tell him- and tell him that you REALLY want him to do the same for you. There's no need to harbor ill feelings towards eachother over small things.

Make sure that when he does do something that bothers you, you think about it, try to understand where he comes from and when he explains why he did whatever- listen and try to understand why he did it. Don't let him get away with it though- tell him it still bothers you.

Look at what you're doing in the relationship- think about if you would like that if you were him. This doesn't just include messing things up- If you wish he'd bring you flowers more often- make him cookies- he probably likes that just as much as you like flowers.

One thing that I find messes up my relationships- sometimes it's me- sometimes it's him-it's very imortant that he's not your world. HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE! and make sure he has his own life too. Think about it like living with your parents- you love them to death but how great is it not living at home with them seeing them ALL THE TIME!! having something to tell them when you do see them?

The most important thing is make sure he's worth your efforts and is willing to put some effort in too. Make sure you're not with a guy just to be with someone- to get rid of the lonliness.

Goodluck finding Mr. Right- if you find him ask him if he has a brother and send him my way. ;)