Go Back in Time

[quietlady1566]

Several months ago a friend of mine (we've worked together for over 6 years and have been friends for about 2-3 years), got together. I won't go into the way it happened, let's just say that I initiated it but he doesn't know it. Anyway, after a week or so of talking to each other on a daily basis, we made it quite clear to each other that we were interested in seeing where things might lead. After about two weeks of continuous talking and him coming over to my place on a regular basis, we both realized that our relationship was going to turn sexual. Something we both really wanted in the beginning but were taking things slow. The night he came over and we were "necking" on the couch, he stopped to tell me that he wanted to make sure I knew and understood that he had other women friends. It's not something that I had really thought about, but told him that we could take things day by day. Well, to make a long story short, we continued with our relationship, friends, lovers, confidents, etc. I realized after about 2 months that I had began to love him. To back up a bit, the reason I initiated all this in the first place was that I found out he was getting a divorce. I wouldn't have gotten together with him if he was still with his wife. So, all is going along just fine (I thought) and then out of the blue, things changed. Well, they didn't change either. Even now, he still calls, we still see each other on a regular basis, but out of the blue the sex stopped. He stopped coming over to my place, he stopped being affectionate. But everything else is the same. He calls me 2-4 times a day, we have lunch several times a week. But no sex. He tells me that he's got complications in his life and that he wants to be friends. But that's what we've always been, friends. Sex was just an added bonus for us. I never made any demands on him or his time, I never asked for a committment, never told him I loved him, none of that. but boom, things changed. He won't tell me what happened either, just that right now he has complications. If it's because of the other women friends he has, that's something that I knew about all along. I'm 99.99% sure he wasn't seeing anyone else while we were together anyway, unless he was burning it at both ends of the stick, he just didn't have the time. I guess what my question is, what if anything is there that I can do to get things back to where they were for us? I don't want to ruin our friendship, he really is a great man, but I miss being with him and the enjoyment that we both got from each other. I've thought about trying to seduce him, but am afraid that he'll reject me and then things will be even worse than before. Does all this seem like stuff of teenagers? Well, I'm 41 and he's 43. Both divorced and have kids. Should I jsut walk away and remain his friend, should I see if things could heat up again, what should I do?:confused:

[jidk]

Well I have say that each situation is different. It mostly depends on whay you want, but I would not suspend my life on a thread.

You have to continue on. If he comes around sometime in the future and you are willing to except the past for what happen and not carry baggage around because of it, then there is hope. Other wise it is time to pick yourself up and get on with the more fun things in life.

jake

[JimmyBlue]

Since he said he was seeing other women, there's
a chance that maybe he picked up something he
doesn't want to pass along.

Seems like he enjoys your company, if he keeps
calling etc., but there's something that's keeping
Mr. Happy in his house.

Or maybe he's got another girlfriend or two, and
hasn't got enough time, energy or whatever to
do you justice. When a guy tells you how busy he is,
that's a smokescreen. Too busy for a quickie? Come
on, now....

[quietlady1566]

I've since found out that he "felt" I was getting too possessive. I guess in his mind that meant I was getting to close to him. If that's what he felt, then he was right, but not possessive. We've talked a little about our situation. And the things you (JimmyBlue) mentioned have all gone through my mind too. Right now he's staying (Living) with a woman he had/has a relationship with. He's commented to another friend of ours that he's worried that if she found out that he was seeing someone else, she would kick him out before he has a chance to find his own place. Right now he's waiting on a divorce settlement before he can purchase his own house. Anyway, if that's the case, my friend seems to think that he'll come back around. I'm not sure how I'll handle that if it does happen.

I'm hoping that this isn't just wishful thinking on my part, but he's come up with several different reasons for backing off. I can't help be think they are just excuses because he's grown more attached than he intended int he first place. After all, everything really was as close to perfect as you can get....wonderful conversations, same background, same interests, a great deal in common, great sex. He's not used to having a woman friend like that either and I think it scared him.

I've pretty much decided to just wait it out and see what happens over then next few weeks or months. I have decided that if someone else comes in my life, I won't blow them off just to wait on what might happen with my friend.

Thanks for your comments!! I do appreciate them. :)