first date

[saccharine]

hello everyone!
i need help.. gonna be on a date with a man that i've already known for along time and i am so positively aware of his sexual desire.....
the problem now is, how to refuse any of his move that will lead to any sexual activities?

[Kaisharga]

Easy. Stop him if he goes somewhere that makes you uncomfortable. You act like he's the only one in control--that's not good. You both have an equal degree of control, and if EITHER one of you is uncomfortable with a situation, EITHER should be able to say "OK, time out," and just drop it.

And who cares if he makes a move that can lead to sexual activities? Make sure the sexual activities don't happen if you don't want them to. Set boundaries, too--"no sex tonight," "No i will NOT go down on you on the first date," you get the idea. Make sure that he doesn't push you into these things, because it's your choice too, and if you let him decide, then it's your own fault for letting him take advantage of you, and there's nobody that's gonna feel sorry for you then.

Take charge. You have more power than you seem to think.

--Kaisharga

[saccharine]

thanks khaisharga!!

you are absolutely right, hope i can do just what you had suggested to me. but its goona be hard coz i admit that sometimes i do get sexually attracted to him, he got what it takes to.... you know.....

[Kaisharga]

Well then if you just tell him you're not ready to go all the way, then things should be better. If he doesn't let up, tell him again. And again. As many times as he needs to be told. ((insert Take The Power rant from above.))

Just make sure he knows that it's that you're not emotionally ready to get into that, and chances are he'll at least try to behave himself. If he thinks your nervousness might be for some other reason, bad schtuff could happen. But that doesn't seem likely, if the situation is as you describe.

--Kaisharga

[Pandora1980]

I don't know if as soon as he picks you up you need to say- he we're not having sex tonight- he could be a well behaved guy (it happens). I'd just wait until he either mentions it or goes for it. It is up to you to set the limits though because he can't read you mind.

If you think it will go farther than you want- don't go to his place or invite him to yours if you feel uncomfortable- then the problem's solved before there even was one.

One more thing- don't drink more than one alcoholic drink -it weakens your inhibitions and you may decide to give in to the fact that you're also attracted to him. I know that's a strict limit- but I know I've made less than good decisions after only 2.

Avoid the situation and say no if you have to- not too hard.