feeling alone

[LaBeSu906]

I've been single for more years than normal people have. I'm shy and I don't really know exactly how to flirt, and I want a guy to flirt with me instead of me going up to him.. it's really getting on my nerves and I have so much depression and low self esteem because of it. A guy had a crush on me last year, but I didn't go up to him or flirt with him.. I just looked at him. Nothing else. Any advice??

[babymother]

take all that sadness you have inside and use it for good. like if you start feeling bad do something nice for your self or just tell your self your beautyfull and that any man would be blessed to have you. and don't dwell on the fact that your alone make the best out of it. like if you notice a guy looking at you just say hi it won't hurt to speak. or just be the beautyfull woman that you are. Because when you feel good and confident about yourself the males will notice and they will flock to you like mouse to cheese. so you keep your head held high and go out and treat your self to what i call a love me day and you'll start to feel as beautyfull as you are. from one beautyfull woman to another.once you start to love your self then other people will start to love you to. :) ;)

[Pandora1980]

The person who posted before me is right- although I don't think just doing something nice for yourself and telling yourself you're beautiful is enough.
When you do something nice for yourself- it should be doing something you love, something you're proud of something that makes you feel like you accomplished something. If you keep taking care of yourself like that- you will eventually realize how great you are instead of just saying it to yourself and hoping to eventually believe it.
Take up a hobby, volunteer (it can actually be a lot of fun- nice, friendly people do it and they may be more likely to initiate conversation if you really need it), joind a club, join a church, get good grades in school.
Eventually you'll wake up in the morning and think- wow! I did that, I did that and I'm proud of myself! I'm great!
Hopefully you'll realize how great you are and that when you talk to someone- you're not hoping that you're good enough for them to say hi to- you know that you are giving them the honor of getting to know you better because you're more than special enough for them to spend time with.

Ok- I'll wrap it up- take care of yourself-> love yourself-> it will get easier to talk to people-> and if for some reason they don't want to talk to you- you know it's their loss, not yours (so you won't feel rejected- you'll just know they missed a great opportunity).

Believe me- it works- I used to be really shy- couldn't talk to anyone- another piece of advice- may sound dumb- took me 3 years to finally listen to my mom and do it- read "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Good Luck- God Bless

[minxyminxyminx]

I am with you on this one!
I have been single for 3 years and thorughout my life have spent more time alone than in a relationship. My self esteem was in tatters and I got very depressed. I went through a breakdown and went to see a councillor. Am still going now (2 years later) but my esteem is better, I have a slightly more positive outlook and for the first time in my life I have about 4 guys chasing me. None of them I want though but its a start. I am not bragging here, but when i was depressed I wouldnt have thought that it was me scaring people away but its seems now that it was. I still have loads of work left to do on myself yet, I can now attract guys (have a problem keeping them ~ but that will come with time when I am 100% happy with myself am about 70% now. But at one time I was only 1% so its getting better)
My advice is to go and get some help and dont be scared, if getting help now means that in the future your life will be what you want and you wont spend years beating yourself up over it then do it. I wish I had years ago.

[Thenoisefrom551]

Hello!

I know that is goes against the guy code, but you sound like you could use a little help, so I am going to let you in on a couple of our darkest secrets.


First, the flirting/meeting/dating game is just as nerve racking for men as it is for women. In fact, it may be harder for us because we are expected to make the first move.

From my experience, most men are pretty shy when it comes to talking to women they do not know very well. Often we do not gather enough courage to talk to a women until long after she has left.

It helps if you seem approachable and friendly.

Next, when we do approach a women, we often say things that give no indication of our interest in her. Here is an example of one of my recent “smooth” attempts to talk to a women at a grocery store, “Do you know where the canned peaches are?” (sad but true) :blush:

You probably are being hit-on on a daily basis but the guys are just so bad at flirting that you just don’t know that they are interested.

If a man asks you a really stupid question or even one that is not so stupid, it is probably just a lame excuse to begin a conversation with you. If you don’t want to talk to the guy say, “The peaches are in aisle four.”

If you do want to talk to the guy, give him some sort of signal.

But remember, that men are not too bright and will miss subtle clues. You may need to send more than one signal and you should be pretty obvious.

The other day, I was talking to a women at the mall. As we talked, she made a lot of eye contact and smiled. She laughed at my jokes and moved closer to me as we talked. When I attempted to end the conversation so that she could get on with her shopping, she asked me a couple of open ended questions and even walked with me as I went to the next shop on my list. She seemed very nice and I would have loved to ask her out, but it wasn’t until about an hour later that I sort of figured out that she may have been as interested in me as I was in her.

The fact that she seemed to be exactly my “type” makes this story even worse. :wall:

Again, sometimes men are not too bright. (or maybe I should say that I am not too bright)

In closing, if you feel that you may suffer from depression, I would mention it to your doctor. You would not believe how common and how treatable it is.

I hope that this has been helpful or at least made you laugh.

Hang in there!
TNF551

:cool:

[whiskeyhard]

That was good. I even learned something.Thanks for sharing your stories. :)

[Pandora1980]

Counceling does work, as long as you talk about the stuff that's really bothering you and not necessarily the stuff they ask you. It sounds like counseling could help, just make sure you say "the stuff you're asking me isn't what is bothering me" and talk about what is. They'll probably tell you to do what I said in my earlier post or something like that.

The only thing I can tell you is that people who love themselves and take care of themselves are a lot easier to talk to than people who are in love with themselves or people who hate themselves.

Another thing- if you ever do get up the guts to hit on a guy, it's easier if you ask them questions about them. People like talking about themself, it will make the conversation easier on both of you if you're talking about something you're interested in. After he talks about himself, hopefully you'll find some common ground and all will be well.

Good luck

[insecurity]

'thenoisefrom551' is so right about this. Most of us guys are pathetic when it comes to flirting (I too am guilty), so Ladies dont give up on us. We mean well but dont say what we mean:splat: