Why are some people always lonely?

[chsegl88]

Are some people just destined to be alone all the time? I don't think I will ever have many friends.

I was never a very popular person in school. I have always been very shy. And now I'm 30, divorced, in a new city and have no clue where or how to meet anyone.

I have 2 good friends. One is a former co-worker the other is my only success story. I met her online. The problem...the are both 1,000 miles away.

My two friends, and my co-workers think I am a good guy (at least that is what tell me) and they can never understand why I don't meet anyone. I don't feel comfortable speaking to a stranger in a supermarket or at the post office. I don't want to be rude but at the same time I feel it would be rude to start a conversation. How do others meet people in public places or does it only happen on TV?

[Joey]

Hi,

I hope i can help a bit.

First, you need to change the beliefs in your mind. If you have this belief that you will never have many friends then this may become a self fufilling prophecy. You need to discard this belief and have more positive thoughts. This also applies to other parts of your life.

You don't need to go all out to find or make friends.

Ask yourself this. What are your interests? What do you enjoy doing in your free time? Where do people with similar interests like you go?

For example, if you like fishing, then go to places where fishing enthusiasts go. If you go to a bookstore, you can go to the fishing section and pick up a conversation with people who share your interest.

Other than hobbies, you can also see if you like to join social organisations where you will widen your social circle. Maybe a volunteer organisation?

You said you don't feel comfortable speaking to a stranger. Maybe you can brush up your conversation skills in making small talks to strangers. There are many self help books on this topic. I think the flirting and dating sections of this site offer some good advice on this too. One tip. Talk in terms of the other person's interest. Don't forget to smile.

I think you are a nice guy. Just need to open up more.