need help with a girl!!

[SFAguy]

my girlfriend of 2 years told me when we got back to college that she wanted to break up. This was a shock to me. We had a few problems over some things but nothing serious. She told me that she wanted me to date other people and she wanted to remain friends. I asked her why couldn't we work things out and she said it was to late for that. Everytime I ask her about it she gets mad at me for asking. She told me to leave her alone. I left her alone and then she came and talked to me. Then we hung out as friends for a week. I thought it would be ok to talk about it and she just got mad at me and told me leave her alone again. She tells me never wants to be with me again. Because of the problems we had. The problems is about how to raise kids. she does not think we will agree. I think it is a dumb thing to break up over and i dont see why she wants too. I dont know what I should do. Should I leave her alone till she talks to me or should I contact her first. PLEASE HELP

[xiaomoon]

Well, i think you should start being more romatic to her( sending her emails or poety saying that how much you like her)

Care for her, and one day she'll come back to you because of your sincerilty.

Maybe because you two dinn't agree with each other about raising kids, so she may think that you two cannot be together because all your ideas or etc.. are different. Sometimes ideas are different doesn't mean that two person cannot be together!^^

So you should start wooing her again. Use all the ideas that you thought of to win her heart back.;)

[Karma]

I once read, "...if she waivers or even rejects you outright...Move on!" No amount of poetry, flowers, begging, or even rational argument will make her want to spend the rest of her life with you. You are waisting precious time on a woman who has made it clear that she does not want you in that way. By all means, remain friends with this woman ... and if she ever hinders you in your attempt to move on, then dissolve the friendship immediately.

ErikinTally2@aol

[Kaisharga]

I think a sort of middle between these two points is best. Don't fret over her, because she seems to be pulling away--but this may be because of that silly little argument. It's a different story based on what the different child-raising points are differed on, like whether it's what-religion-shall-we-bring-them-up-as (oh please let me withhold my commentary on that whole issue....that's a rant for another day...), or home-schooled-versus-public-schooled-versus-private-schooled, or what the frack ever. Some subjects are more touchy than others, and deserve the utmost caution.

My advice is to find out exactly what these differences are in the perceived child-raising thang, and set her worries to rest, if you plan to make this work. I.e., if it's the religion crap (hoo...withhold rant...withhold rant...), then tell her that you'll go with whatever religion she wants them to be raised in, but they have to be able to choose for themselves. Or whatever. Seek some middle ground.

On the other hand, she may be using this as a front for other reasons she wants to break up with you in general. She just puts it behind this 'face' so that she doesn't have to bitch you out about the other stuff too. I couldn't say if this is the case or not, the info you show is a little on the vague side.

If you want to try to get this back together, then be a friend for a while. DO NOT talk about the child-rearing subject, until SHE brings it up. Think of it like a subway's third rail--Touch it, and you die.

Take it slow, let her be the master of this for a while, and just in general be very supportive of her. If you want to still make it work.

--Kaisharga

[Pandora1980]

She said you had problems? but you say they were little- maybe you had more problems than she told you.
What I'd do is write her a letter or an e-mail or something (so that she can't tell you to leave her alone). Explain in the letter that you'd really like to know what these problems were- tell her you really need to know so that you don't repeat them (I wouldn't specify whether you mean with her or another relationship).
She will probably read the letter and since there was no room for her to respond right away- she'll think about it- she may not talk to you for another week or something- but eventually- hopefully- she will get back to you with a clear head (once again - because she wasn't able to respond immediately).
When she responds- you'll either find out that she was right and there is something that you totally disagree with and refuse to change or you'll find out that her fears were unfounded.
She still may not want to get back together (hopefully that's not the case)- but at least you know what your problems were for future relationships.

As for trying to be more romantic to win her back- save that until after you put her fears to rest- otherwise she will just think you're trying to ignore the problem and that will just make it worse.

Good Luck

[JLE95]

Not to be the pessimistic one but it sounds like she found somebody she has became interested in and didnt want to tell you. The fact that she gets mad about you asking is why I think this.

If I were you i'd not persue her, just let things ride out and if she truely did want to break it off for problems maybe in due time they will work out.

good luck

JLE