PDA

View Full Version : Want Her To Stop Doubting Us


tonychachen
09-13-2001, 01:44 PM
in early july of 2000 i saw this girl that i knew at baptism party at my church....all she did was wink at me and she blew my mind....she sat next 2 me bcuz she knew me a lil from b4 and we talked 4 the whole nyte of the party....everything about her jus took my breath away....i dont know wut happened inside of me that nyte but i knew that she was the love of my life...two wks later she showed up at my church convention....it was a 3 day event, a good part of which i spent with her....all of our friends came 2 the idea that we were going out even tho we werent....but i knew in my heart that i had 2 make that cum tru....so i emailed her alot throughtout the whole school yr....we became as close as i could ever get 2 another person....we would always end out ltrs w/ and "i miss you" and would always ask when we would get 2 c one another...she wrote me a ltr in the middle of may 2001 that scared the shyt outta me....it said that she couldnt talk 2 me nemore bcuz she was goin out w/ sum1 and was sorry if she was stringin me along....it was all a joke...she made up that whole story and at the bottom of the ltr said that she was jus messin w/ my head and that she would never want ne1 else but me....that ltr made me think real hard about he rand me....i knew that if i didnt ask her out soon, sum1 else would....so i asked her out in a ltr that i poured out every feelin i had 4 her in my heart and told her that i loved her....and two days later she called me and said yes....she is my first girlfriend and i told her that.....and that she would b the only one i ever have.....
me and my girlfriend have been going out for the last 4 months and im in love w/ her...i have been from the moment i asked her to be with me....actually, that was the reason i asked her to be with me....now, to a lot of ppl that may seem as though its not a long tyme but considering our situation to me it is....ya see, the thing about our relationship is that its long distance....she lives in nj and im in philly....to add to that, i hardly ever get to see her....most of you who r probably reading this are thinkin when i say hardly ever i mean only once every wk or so....no no no....when i say hardly ever i mean once every 2 months or mayb longer....a major reason for that is bcuz we're both south indian....wut that basically means is that our parents dont kno about the 2 of us, cuz if they did we wouldnt even b alive....the only way that we ever get 2 communicate is by AIM, emails, or even the occassional phone calls....
with all of these obstacles btwn me and her we've been together (officially) for around 4 months and we've never cheated on another....(we werent dating ne1 for about a yr b4 that but were seriously talkin w/ one another)...i told her that i loved her in the letter i sent when i asked her out...i even got her 2 day that she loved me after going together for 2months....even tho she said that she wouldnt say that 2 a guy unless they've been goin 2gether 4 at least 6 months....
so here's my problem....last wknd i got 2 c her after not seeing her for about 2 months b4....we saw each other at this church program (like it always is)....out of the 3 1/2 hrs that we were both there i got 2 spend less than 2 mins alone w/ her....she spent more time alone w/ my sister than she did me....now i understood that she was worried that sum1 myte see us 2 gether (like her older sister or her parents or even sum1 elses parents) and also she had a performance that day so she was worried about that 2....but wut really ticked me off was that she was acting cool w/ every other person there....except me....not only did that tick me off...it crushed my heart....i went home that afternoon, crawled in2 bed and started crying....i never cried like that b4 ever in my whole life....my heart was beating like i had run a 10 mile race, i couldnt breathe, i felt sick 2 my stomach, and i was shedding so many tears that my eyes swelled up....sumhow i managed 2 fall asleep but when i woke up i went straight 2 my computer and wrote her a ltr....we talked the following nyte about wut had happened....we had an arguement like all couples usually do but she said sum things that started 2 make me wonder if she really did love me....she said things like "it sounds like you need sum1 who u can see all the tyme", "then i think u need sum1 who can follow u around 24/7", "you cant say that we'll b together 4ever bucz you don tkno wut will happen in the furute" and "this isnt a serious relationship yet"....she also told me that i shouldnt b crying about stupid stuff like this and that i seemed obsessive & needed 2 giv her a lil space....so we stopped arguing and agreed that we needed 2 talk about it on the phone or in person....so now things are ok, but i feel sumwut (not a great deal but sumwut) awkward when i talk 2 he ronline now....im gonna get 2 call her nxt wk....so if ne1 can help me find out y she's doubting our future, even tho she said that she loves me and will neva want ne1 but me, it would help......

Kaisharga
09-13-2001, 03:54 PM
Nggggh....

Okay, obligatory opening note. An ellipsis '...' does not denote the end of a sentence. Capitalization is good too. and '2' is not the same as 'to.' I guess I can understand if you're trying to be really fast, and avoid parental notice, but I just have this thing about grammar. :p

Anyway, on with the actual answer.

Going from personal experience here. My girlfriend, whom I love dearly, is rather, well, clingy. I see her every day, late at night when I actually have time, and she still complains that 'we never get to see eachother.' She gets jealous if I leave, even on a mandatory errand, even if only for five minutes. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, but this stuff gets annoying sometimes. If you always, ALWAYS, mention similar things, then she may be feeling undeservedly pressured. (And yes, i understand that you really don't get to see her very often at all. It's the constant-reminding-and-bugging thing that's the big part here.)

Also, don't worry about her bein 'cool' as you say with other people. If you two are trying to keep this under wraps, the best way to hide it might be to increase apparent focus outside of you two. Chances are, she feels the same way as you do, wishing that you two could be close; she's just keeping it hidden rather well. Think of other social gatherings as plays, and your fronting oh-her?-no-i'm-not-going-out-with-her as a role to play. Keep it separate in your mind from your true feelings from her, but remember which one is true, and which one is the front!

I'm not terribly familiar with South Indian culture, nor do I know your age, or for that matter what age really matters in said culture, so I can't really help you on ways to escape that whole nasty cycle. If this were with anglo-saxon protestant/catholic american variety, I'd say sneak out of the house at night and go over for as long as you can stay up, or until people would start waking up back at home, which ever comes sooner; or go out 'bowling' or something and end up seeing her instead. Things like that.

To restate, don't doubt her. Chances are that she's just as annoyed at your behaviour as you are about hers. Talk to her about it, be willing to listen, work through it together, and be willing to listen. Yeah, I said it twice because it's really important.

Hope this helps.

--Kaisharga