What is this? What should i do? PLEASE HELP ME

[Wildeyedandwicked]

*sigh* Before i give you my problem, i'd better start with the story behind it. Three years ago, i started riding at this stable because my friend did (i have my own horses, so i didn't have to, but wanted to hang out). She told me all about the people down there - some were somewhat annoying kids and a few were teenagers....including two guys. One of the guys was hard to get, sensitive, intelligent and wonderful, from my friend's description, and now, i will admit he was that and, well, maybe my downfall. Anyway, first day, no big deal, things were great, although the place wasn't, but the people were quite amiable, and so i decided to stay. I wouldn't trade my second day there for the world. It was just me and him, mr. sensitive (i'll call him CK for now). We rode and tallked for awhile, and having many common interests, became good friends. to make a long story short, many more visits brought us closer and closer, and in time i began to lower my steeled barriers and love him for who he was. I now know he liked me then, but now, who knows. Anyway, now the other guy comes into play (let's call him HJ). A hormone controlled freak with an odd mind, who very much liked me. Some months after i started riding at this place, he felt this way, and since i was more interested in CK, he began to get a little rough. i don't think his intentions were bad, just for fun he'd knock me or my friend down - it was just play, we all did it - i started some of this sometimes, just not with HJ. If CK didn't join in when HJ started it, HJ would jokingly question his manhood, and of course, that did it - CK was involved in this foolishness as well. About a year later, CK said the words i so wanted to hear: "I like you" - and now, from people who knew him even better, that was quite a bit of courage for him. But an emotionally damaged past coughed up a bitter reflex for an answer to his statement: "liar." I left the stable after that, feeling ashamed and emotionally drained - couldn't even bring myself to say sorry :( - i was such a cruel person. Today, i have apologized, but differences still stand between us. He makes eye contact with me, occasionally says "hi". When my horse took top honors at a show for the entire East Coast, he was quite happy for me when he heard. Still I wonder if i can bring back what we had and how to do it, or if i should let go of the past and look to what lies ahead.....I need some help with these decsions, and i'd really appreciate input. Thank you.

[Defenstra]

this bit of advice may be too late for you but...

it should be noted that some (and i believe many) shy, reserved and "sensitive" guys reflect deeply in their actions for they fear to let slip some errant remark or action that may come back to hurt them emotionally. (there can be many reasons for this ranging from past hurts to having an introspective personality.) when you hurt him with your flippant remark, you made him eek further inside himself to become more weary of showing his emotions... particularly to you. you not only dismissed his ventures into showing you his feelings for you, you mocked them. if you want "things the way they were" you need to show your emotions to him. you need to be the first... you need show him that you are willing to risk moving into that grey area where your actions may not be requited. that act of courage may be enough to have him doubt his own fears....

If you want him back (and i mean the "i like you" him)...

you said you apologized--though not immediately. you may want to (if you haven't already) prey on his sensitivites by explaining why it took you so long to apologize (possibly by telling him why you emotionally could not bring yourself to show how ashamed you were that day.)

you need to give him some token/action to show him why you enjoyed so much "the things they were". it maybe simply going up to him one day and asking if he would like you ride with you that day. be persistant if he says "nay, not today." make sure that he has no legitimate reason not to spend a few minutes with you. make sure that its not a let's-practice-the-jumps-together but a hey let's just have a walk together. you need to convey to him that the ONLY reason why you want to be around him is because of him. in that walk/ride you can air out your emotions to him. yes, it will be emotionally dangerous for you. he may very well call you a liar. but if you want "things the way they were" you must be willing to show him that you are willing to risk that possibility.

Being the shy introspective type, i'm not sure if i could welcome back someone who has mocked my feelings, but people grow and there is always hope. if you don't think that you can risk letting yourself get hurt by reappoaching him then simply let this episode be a very costly lesson for you--for emotional relationships are VERY costly to find and even harder to maintain. remember him when you have the urge to make some future errant remark.

eh. that's all i have to say. :o

Def

[Kaisharga]

Agreement with Def. To add: I'd say that you two probably can have a future together. If I know this guy's type like I think I do, then he's also a very forgiving kind of person. His congratulatory stance when you received your award at the show demonstrates that he still has affection and respect for you as a person. What's likely is that he fears getting close to you again, for fear of another sudden unpredictable lashing-out type episode.

So be gentle with him, and let him get to know you better, and most of all, trust him and respect him. In my experience, those two things build up to love, and maintain a relationship more than ANYTHING else.

Of course, maybe that's because that's what I've got a little lack of in my own relationship, but that's a story for another day.

Long story short, yes you probably still have a chance. But don't let impulsiveness cloud your reason completely.

--Kaisharga :cool: