What is a girl to do when the LOVE is there but the TRUST isn't

[babymother]

It's like this me and my babys father were going through alot of problems the frist 2 months of my pregnancy. Not about the baby but about someone he used to be involved with.He told me that he did not want to be with her and that he didn't have any feelings for her.So i Beleaved him and i came to find he was sleeping with her. It hurt me so much because i trusted him so much and plus i asked him and he lied and told me no. And for about 31/2 weeks we didn't talk because i was so hurt because i love him so much. And he called me on my birthday and we talked it out for about a good 2 days or more. and for the last 21/2 months things have been going fine he calls everyday and i see him 2 or moree days out the week.But if he don't call i'll get mad and the frist thing i think is that he's with her. But i feel like since i love so much that i should be able to trust him, But it's hard and i wanna talk to him about this (this meaning me still not being able to trust him) Should I :confused:

[SunGirl128]

Of course you should talk to him about it. You shouldn't have to carry a baby and all of this anger and distrust at the same time. Tell him whats going on, because if you don't how is he supossed to know?

[marieva]

Girl, I say if you don't trust him, leave him alone. I know it's hard if you're pregnant (I was pregnant and my husband was cheating on me, but it didin't work out because he kept lying and I wasted 2 years on the situation), but if he won't stop lying or make some drastic change to PROVE himself to you, I'd say leave it alone and move on. It will do no good for your baby to be around arguing, and it will do you no good to be a constant wreck when he doesn't call, when you find out about a little white lie, or if he's 30 minutes late in getting back to you or whatever. Believe me, it's not worth it.

Tell him how you feel and tell him if he wants the relationship he'll have to prove himself trustworthy, again to you. Even if it's to the point of bending over backwards (for a while) to please you. After all, he is the one who has lied & cheated, not you.

Good luck!

[babymother]

Thats just it marieva he did now he calls everyday he comes over out the blue and all that its just that by me being hurt the first time i tend to think bad things like say for instence he calls me all week at 4:45 and then one day out that week he calls me at 10:30 at night i start to think he's doing something he aint supposed to be doing and because he changed so much i really don't know how to handle that it makes me feel bad because he say's he trust me 100% and it hurts me because i love him and i should be able to trust him the same way and its been three months and i haven't had a problem yet thak u for your advice but i don't want to leave him i just want to be able to trust him again. :heart:

[marieva]

I didn't want to divorce my husband either, but in the end I did because the lies and cheating never really stopped. I hope in your case everything turns out well.

If you want to begin to trust him again, you'll have to do your best not to put up any walls between the two of you. consider couples counseling. If he's really changed he will understand when you are worried when he doesn't call, he'll understand all of those things and be willing (as he seems to be) to bend over backwards to prove that he IS trustworthy again.

Babymother, just know that it may take a LONG time to trust him again. You probably never will trust him the way you used to, but you can still have a great relationship once you have healed and once he has proven himself trustworthy. It may take months or even a year to even begin to trust him again. So take things slow, talk it out A LOT. If he is trustworthy then your intuition will take over after some time has past and you won't feel so worried and second guessing him so much because your inner you will know he's trustworthy.

My husband and I are working on trying to maintain a friendship for my son's sake and it's going well.

I wish you the best!

[codybear]

its really quite simple

without trust there can be no lasting and real love...period...people stay in relationships without trust for fear of being alone but you are even more alone than you will ever realize.......you only live once...go for it and be happy

[louisgirl]

hey, i'm new here and i just like to say if you can't trust the guy,then he ain't worth it,you've got to have trust in a relationship..:rolleyes:

[laislera]

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT UR GOING THROUGH B/C IM IN THAT SITUATION W/ MY BABY'S FATHER RIGHT NOW!EXCEPT TO MY KNOWLEDGE HE HAS NEVER CHEATED ON ME. I JUST HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO TRUST HIM. TODAY HE TOLD ME THAT HE IS SO CLOSE TO TAKING HIS SHIT AND LEAVING B/C HE IS TIRED OF ME DOUBTING HIM. ITS NOT WORTH IT IF U LOVE HIM ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS A CHILD INVOLVED (MY SON IS 5MONTHS)SIT DOWN AND TALK TO HIM IF U WANT "THIS" TO WORK. IF HE REALLY LOVES U THEN HE WILL DO WHAT HE CAN TO PROVE HIMSELF TO U OVER AND OVER AGAIN.GOOD LUCK!:)

[babymother]

I'm Glad somebody knows how i feel because everybody else just keep saying leave him. and if theres no trust theres no love and that is so untrue they don't know what you and i know. Which is that you can love someone with everything you have inside you but if one thing ani't the same as it use to be u start to think well whats going on he used to do this and now he's doing. little small things can make you start to question his love for like what made me know somthing was wrong in my relationship is that no matter what everytime we have sex he would kiss me so much until my lips get dry. but he didn't do it the frist time i let it go then he didi it about 2 more times and i knew. but i say that to say this don't accuse him because that will give him a excuse to cheat just tell him how you feel. and thank you so much . :) :D :) :D

[skyhi311]

i also know how u feel. me and my sons father were together for nearly 4 years. about 6 months into the relatonship he had cheated. i chose to "forgive" him. i think if u really do love him, then its worth it. however, its a fact that u wont be able to trust him the same again. i know. years went by and if my boyfriend was late coming home from work or anything i was worried. your always going to wonder if they were doing something. at least in the back of your mind. and not to sound like everyone else but usually if they done it once, they will do it again. i speak from experience. just remember, "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me." good luck and i hope everything works out well!

[laislera]

ITS EASY FOR EVERYONE TO SAY LEAVE HE ISN'T WORTH IT B/C THEY AREN'T AND WONT GO THROUGH THE SAME THINGS THAT U HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND STILL ARE. ALOT OF PEOPLE DON'T CARE.THEY JUST WANNA KNOW THE 411 B/C ITS NOT THEM GETTING HURT. ALL I HAVE TO SAY TAKE MY ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO IS IN THAT PRESENT SITUATION IS TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.IF ITS MEANT TO BE HE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.ALSO LOOK AT THIS AS AN OBSTACLE IN LIFE THAT GOD PUT U 2 THROUGH TO SEE IF UR LOVE IS STRONG ENOUGH AS IT PROCLAIMS ITSELF TO BE!:p :)

[iain]

in love women are professionals,men are amateurs.

[Kaisharga]

"Men live their lives and their loves apart; women's are inseparable."

--Adapted quote from J. Bernard Shaw (i think)

[LeBlueBoy]

If you had a friend who was horrible with financial matters, you wouldn't go into business with him (and especially if you wanted to keep him as a friend), nor would you ask a buddy who was a recovering alcoholic to hide a bottle of champagne in his apartment so you could surprise your partner with it on an anniversary a few monthes away. The point is--evaluating your feelings for the other person isn't the issue here, it's what you expect out of the relationship.

If you want a relationship based on trust and exclusivity, then you need to move on. If you want a relationship based on something else, then you need to evaluate what your man has to offer, and what your boundaries are. A lot of women will stand by a continuously cheating spouse because they're still getting what they want out of that relationship (read: Clintons).

Only you can choose what direction you want to go in. And you might change your mind about that decision later on.