Lack Confidence

[Rock Star]

(I guess I can put this here on the Seduction board. I mean, If I had more self confidence and junk I could seduce a lot better!)

Anyway, this is my main problem. I used to have confidence. I used to be able to walk in a crowd of people and feel fine. I used to be able to look a person in the eye, not feel that nervous around them, and say whatever came to my mind.

I don't know exactly what happened in the last 3 years but going up to the cashier in a store alone makes me nervous. I can't look anyone in the eye. If someone is walking down the street, I get real nervous. If someone looks at me I can't look at them back. I visited my friend last summer out of state. I was nervous the whole time. The only time I felt like free is when I drank and I don't want that! I don't feel like myself anymore. When I go out in public, I can't think straight and I hate it.

When I'm around others I can't think straight!

This has pretty much damaged all areas of my life.

Anyway, what are some ways to improve my confidence? What are some ways that I can possibly cure my paranoia and my lack of self worth?

My goal is to be able to go up to any stranger and start talking to them if I really wanted to and not feel like it's my fault when I get rejected when it really isn't my fault.

Also, if you are 'confident' and not at all shy, tell me how you feel when you are around people or what beliefs you have that allow you to feel this way. Or anything that could possibly help.
Thanks:cool:

:wall:

[Rock Star]

However, I had a major epiphany last night. Basically, my philosophy is "f*ck it all!" Yes, there's room for improvement, however, I don't care if I go far or not. I don't care if I ever become successful, if I'm ugly, if I'm a dork, etc.... I don't care anymore! My happiness shouldn't depend on my goals. I shouldn't have to accomplish things just to be happy. If I can't cure my 'anxiety' then f*ck it! I should just learn to live with the sh*t! (I may have cured it in a way anyway because I don't give a f*ck anymore.)

I realized the problem was that I stop liking myself. I tried making myself seem 'better' than I actually was and it was frusterating. Since I couldn't stand myself, I felt like that I had to make the 'right' impression on people. I don't care anymore! I don't care if I make the 'right' impression. Basically, I was dictating myself. F*ck that! I don't feel like trying anymore. Whatever happens, happens. Screw it! I couldn't just accept the fact that I am me whether I'm a major dork or not.

I have goals in mind but if I never reach my goals, then oh well! Maybe this will actually help me become more successful. Not caring as much about stupid junk. My main goal, which I'm pretty much there, is to learn to like myself. Maybe that way I'll become successful and I could seduce woman better. But even if I don't, I don't care anymore. :agree: :bouncy2: :ghost: :teleport:

[LeBlueBoy]

Originally posted by Rock Star
However, I had a major epiphany last night. Basically, my philosophy is "f*ck it all!" Yes, there's room for improvement, however, I don't care if I go far or not. I shouldn't have to accomplish things just to be happy. If I can't cure my 'anxiety' then f*ck it! I should just learn to live with the sh*t!

I realized the problem was that I stop liking myself. I tried making myself seem 'better' than I actually was and it was frusterating. Since I couldn't stand myself, I felt like that I had to make the 'right' impression on people. Screw it! I couldn't just accept the fact that I am me whether I'm a major dork or not.

Whoa....that's old-people-speak.

The phrase "Be Yourself" is fantastic advice when it's interpreted correctly. "Be Yourself" does not mean "remain the same chump you were in high-school, doing the same old tired crap night after night, and settling for things the way they are now"; what it actually means is you're on a journey to discover everything you can possibly know about YOU. You are capable of doing some great things, cool things, fun things, and things that might actually make a difference in the big (or small) picture. It means that everybody has something going for them, and they need to take the time to make that "something" work for them. Trying to become someone else is an uphill battle, defining your real strengths and talents is a much smoother ride.

Here's my advice: If something you're doing, that you can change, is having a negative impact on your life, take gradual steps to change or moderate it. When you don't like yourself, it's pretty easy to revert to behaviors that are self-defeating, but give some short term comfort. People overeat to numb out, they argue and fight with others to get a slight adrenaline high, they don't take care of themselves because it's too much effort, they don't smile because they "just don't feel like it", they complain and criticize about everything and everyone that pisses them off because it allows them to blow off steam, and they build up a fortress of defense mechanisms because its easier not to take risks and to not get hurt or rejected. The result is that these behaviors actually fuel the self loathing--they create situation where an individual can find more reasons to hate themselves (i.e. "nobody likes me", "I'm too fat", "I'm a loser", "I don't talk to stuck up chicks", etc.).

Gaining self confidence is no easy road. It's easy to lose it, it can take years to recover, and you can do a lot of damage to yourself emotionally and physically when you go through those rough spots. The easiest and most efficient method of damage control you can perform during these times of self doubt and self hatred is to remember that most of the people you meet feel EXACTLY the same way as you do. So, if you can't be happy with who you are, make others feel better about who they are. That will go a long way in helping you prevent (or at least repair) some of the damage that occurs during the self-pity/self loathing periods.

I have goals in mind but if I never reach my goals, then oh well! Maybe this will actually help me become more successful. Not caring as much about stupid junk. My main goal, which I'm pretty much there, is to learn to like myself. Maybe that way I'll become successful and I could seduce woman better. But even if I don't, I don't care anymore. :agree: :bouncy2: :ghost: :teleport:

Don't give up on the goals you feel strongest about. You may not hit as high as you dreamed, but hey, nothing ever goes exactly as we planned. Don't try to micromanage your life, or it's all failure. If you perfect the things you have a talent or interest in, and work at reducing or dampening some of the self-defeating behaviors that come with self loathing, you won't have to worry too much about the seduction techniques. You'll find opportunities coming to you.