would you date me

[lonelylover]

Hi all.

this is a question for all you girlz, or guys who know alot about wut girlz like.

First of all i am shy and only have a few friends. guys always run away from me for some reason, so that is why i am so shy. all the other guys say that the girls think i am a freak and stuff. but whenever i talk to a girl, usually when they talk to me first, they always act nice to me and say i should talk more. Are they faking it around me???:bawling:

Let me describe myself so u girlz can tell me if there is anything wrong with me. I am 14, about 5' 6", and have short and spikey brown hair. I have blue eyes, a almost smooth face, and braces. I wear baggey jeans (just like everybody else:cool: ), and usually a nike shirt. Is there anything about me that girlz hate, or is everybody who said they hate me just being fags:devil:??? If you need more of a description tell me.

hope you can understand this.:confused:

[Gan]

I say hand around another crowd :). These people don't seem to be very nice at all. People who judge you before they've even met you are worth the time nor the effort.

-Gan

[vegan]

i think alot of poeple around your age are wondering the same thing...this is a time for exploring and wonderous speculation. This is the reason everyone is running around, choosing who they want to be like or with, discovering
new personality traits, or even concerning on what others think and what they can do to change this. Right now life is a puzzle and all your peers and
finding their peices and struggling to fit them in where they belong. The only advice i would offer is to be yourself, quietly...and let things evovle in which youll find to be benificial to your social status. Youll find that you will slowly
find the guys and girls in to which fit into your current situtation the best.

[lonelylover]

That is wut i have been doing for years. It almost payed off, but then everything fell apart and now i am in the situation i described. I am not patient enough to have to wait again, and i dont want this to happen this way again.:bawling: Any more short term ideas???

Also, how am i supost to find other people to hang with??? I seem to piss off anybody i try to hang with just by being their. I dont know why.

[vegan]

its actually living instinct at some point to collaborate into . Fish and animals do it and so do humans. Humans tend to find a group of people into which they are socially confortable beging invovled with. They may find themselves becoming popular amongst a group of individuals, therfore this
is how they choose who to involve themselves with. This also leads to them to dis-sociate themselves with certain people..as you can tell, everyone in the group may have the same objective (internally) they may not even know it!

The best thing to do is to look forward. Distant yourself from people YOU dont feel comfortable with and colaborate yourself with people whom you find
to be FREINDS. This not only helps you socialy but others who are going through the same thing you are. School is a great opportunity to network yourself with other people. Just make sure your network doesnt have any "bad links" these people will tend to make you feel the way you feel now.

Its always destin that you will find the people you like to be around, regardless how long it takes...life isnt short term.

[Lhamu]

Hi lonelylover,

I don't think anyone would dislike you, based on your appearance alone. Especially since you seem to dress 'like everyone else', which would give them no reason for thinking you're *different*. You seem to find that really important. I understand, because I went to high school too, of course ;) But if it doesn't make you feel good to constantly try to be like everyone else and to be LIKED by everyone else, try to find people with whom you can talk freely and be liked for what you're really like. Do you get my point here? Most people in highschool are scared to death to show who they really are.
While it's okay to try to blend in, try to find some things that really interest you. Something you can be passionate about, like a sport, music or some other 'hobby'.

I can assure you that when you find something you like, you'll become good at it and tadaa.. instantly cooler. People will be asking you about it and you will have something to talk about.

Girls seems to like you, so you must seem approachable. The thing here is not to seem like a push-over, but like a guy who leads his own lifes, has it own interests and who doesn't care to much about what other people might think of him.
Don't forget to be nice to other people, though, they're just as insecure as you are!

Hope this helped - ciao,

Lhamu

[meg]

The advice you have been given is on target. The past 6 months, I have watched my daughter and her group of friends change often. They range between the ages of 12 - 15. They were hanging out together based on they live on the same street, same neighborhood. The longer they hung out together, their differences started showing through. They started forming even smaller based on their interest. My daughter and her closest friends asked me what was happening. I explained their personalities and interest verses the ones that had gone a different direction. I also let them know it was okay just to be them. Most of the guys hanging out, were here based on what the girls looked like rather than finding common interest. I watched kids pretending to be someone they aren't trying to fit in or gain the affection of the girls. It only works for awhile. At 14, you are finding out what interest you and what doesn't. Do things that you enjoy and always be yourself, you will attract friends with the same interest and experience less heart ache.

[E76]

Of course, the other side of the coin is, that you may never find your place. I am 28 and have yet to find any group of any size which I fit into and which would accept me. You may just have to get comfortable with(or at least become grudgingly acceptant of) aloneness.

[jeb]

hi, i have the same problem. I don't know this is the way it is for you, but i think i have worked it out for me. I tend to overanalyse people and situations, (which you may also do if you are on this board) . i am friendly but get the same kind of reaction you do... it is definantly not how you, look (you sound hot), but i wonder, you obviously don't find it really easy to make friends, but when you talk to new people are you a really good conversationalist or do you stick with basic pleasantries in a conversation? I can't help but do that and have the same reaction (i am a girl though). So wonder if we have a similar problem. ??? frustrating eh...
Jen

[mojoman]

this may sound hokey, but it works. You need to use 'positive self talk' . It's true that you become who you believe yourself to be. Being shy isnt a bad thing. Feeling bad about being shy is. You need to tell yourself that you are great - tell yourself everyday. concentrate on the things you are good at - what are your passions, besides girls? Do you draw, do you play music, are you good at school? Whatever you love to do, do it with a passion. In the future girls will notice that type of thing. Trust me, when you get older, girls wont worry so much about how you look, or how you dress. Women look for guys who are talentes, who are sincere, who are kind.

dont worry about pleasing everybody. Concentrate on your close friends, rather than looking around for more and more friends. There are people in life who love to have many friends, and then there are the people who need only a few. I personally think that it's better to have a few really good freinds who will last entire lifetime. If you invest as much of yourself in your closest friends, they will be with you as long as you live.

Above all, concentrate on being yourself. You can never be anybody else, noo matter how hard you try. People can see through a faker.

Hope this helps.

[E76]

It is one thing to become what you believe what you are. The other side of the same coin is that you also believe you are what you are. If you believe you are something other than what you really are, you are by definition, crazy.

[mojoman]

you sure have some coin collection there!