boyfriend trouble: am i really into him?

[Lhamu]

Hi ,:D

I'm new to these boards. Read some really usefull posts, and I was wondering whether you guys could help me with my problem as well :-)

I'm a 19, female and in my first relationship. The thing is, I'm not sure where it's going and whether I actually want to be in this relationship. I'm quite a secretive person, have problems trusting guys, so it's hard for me to open up and actually tell him what I'm feeling.

The first night he already confronted me with it, telling me that I should talk more about my feelings - for him, about the relationship etc. But I didn't have my mind made up about 'us' then, so I couldn't share it with him either.

Now we're one month into the relationship and I'm wondering if I'm just staying with him to have a BF, or because I really want to. I do care about him, and I miss him when I don't see him.

He just came back from a one-week trip and I felt alienated. He kept talking about himself all the time, also because I kept asking him questions. And then of course he wanted to know how I was doing. But I don't like sharing too much of myself with someone - it scares me. I do open up to friends sometimes, but with him I just clam up. I think I'm scared of losing him when I speak up and show him the real me. At the time time, I know thats all he wants.. :(

I also want to talk about contraception with him, but I'm too ashamed. He knows I went to see my GP, and pressed me to tell him why, but I didn't dare.

I act so stupid when I'm with him :confused: I just don't understand why I can' t relax. He is really good for me, truly cares for me and wants to make me happy, but I'm just sad.

I really hope that someone can help me..

[Daisy814]

Try telling him one thing about yourself everyday for awhile. Have him do the same and eventually you guys will be sharing things about yourself and learning things about each other that you didn't know. I've done this, it works...cause I've been in the same situation as you before. When I was 19 as a matter a fact :D Let me know how it goes.

[Gan]

Not good holding back stuff about yourself - if you have secrets you don't want him to know at this stage then that's ok, but he should know the person he's dating. You're complaining a little here about how he talks about himself a bit, but that's obvious because you don't want to say anything about you.

In reality your partner should really be a best friend. That's what they're there for. They're supposed to be the most important person in the world to you. If you just can't trust him or you have doubts then I would probably suggest to get out of the relationship, although he has more reason to leave you than you do to leave him judging from what you've said here. And if you do feel this way (that you can't trust him etc), then I hope you're not sleeping with him - it'll only make it worse.

I can read in between the lines here and see you must have some issues and things you're not proud of that you've done. Until you're happy and comfortable with who you are, you will never be able to have a good relationship with anyone else. True happiness comes from within, anything else (friends, partners etc) just makes you happier.

-Gan

[Lhamu]

Hey,

Thanks for your help, Gan :) You were right on most issues - it's good to have a mirror held in front of you.


If you just can't trust him or you have doubts then I would probably suggest to get out of the relationship, although he has more reason to leave you than you do to leave him judging from what you've said here.

You're right about this one, too, but I'm kinda hoping we can still work it out... Not sleeping with him yet, by the way. I intend(ed) to do so in the future, though, but I want to wait until I'm sure about my feelings for him. The problem now is, that he wants to know why I've visited my GP, and I'm afraid that telling him will convince him that I am ready NOW.


I can read in between the lines here and see you must have some issues and things you're not proud of that you've done. Until you're happy and comfortable with who you are, you will never be able to have a good relationship with anyone else. True happiness comes from within, anything else (friends, partners etc) just makes you happier.

I don't regret anything I've done I've done in the past. Now I don't want to play with his feelings - but I don't think it'll be the same with every guy I'd be with. The issues you're talking about, are quite important and hard for me to get over. Since my parents relationship is well.. not the most supportive you can imagine, I always kept all guys who reciprocally liked me on a save distance. Now it feels like he's slamming with a hammer on the wall I've built around myself, and it just isn't comfortable :smash:


Maybe comfortable isnt the thing to go for in relationships, but it'd certainly help me to open up more if he didn't push me as much to do so..

*confused*

[angel143ml]

:angel6:

YOU COULD ALWAYS TELL HIM IT WAS TIME TO GET YOUR YEARLY FEMALE VISIT DONE. I'D TAKE MY TIME AS FAR AS THE SLEEPING WITH HIM GOES. YOU SHOULD MAKE SURE THAT YOU WANT TO REMAIN IN THE RELATIONSHIP FIRST, GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER, AND THEN IF YOU DECIDE TO STAY WITH HIM, AND HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A WHILE, THEN SLEEP WITH HIM. SEX/MAKING LOVE, IS SOMETHING THAT TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACHOTHER, ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, DO IN ORDER TO FURTHER THEIR BOND AND TO MAKE THEIR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER, IT'S NOT MEANT TO DO WITH JUST ANYONE. :wavey:

:angel6:

[Gan]

Agreed angel143ml, and may I add that it only makes things better in your relationship if everything was good in the first place. It will not make a bad relationship better (in fact it makes it worse).

Don't rush, you have all the time in the world.

-Gan

[angel143ml]

:angel6:

YES, GAN IS RIGHT IN WHAT HE SAID TOO. THANKS , I FORGOT THE PART THAT YOU ADDED.:p

:angel6:

[Lhamu]

Hey guys,

Your advice was really good, thanks :)

We talked it out and things are going very well now. The only thing that matters to me, is that it isnt't the way I'd expected a relationship to be. I thought I'd be swept of my feet, or feeling something similar at last :D But although I'm attracted to him, I don't feel like putty in his hands or so - err, do you get what I mean?

Stupid question: Is this normal?

Ciao,

L.

[Gan]

Spend more time with him and learn more about one another. Your feelings will most definitely grow over time.

-Gan