First Date and other things?

[PerletPhp]

Alright, you caught me, I haven't actually been on a first date, nor asked a girl out for a first date but I am getting there and so I wanted to be prepared :D


I would just like some suggestions of what people think make good first date places to go. Obviously conversations will be on interests, school activities, etc. However a few questions for the pros :)

1.) How long does a usual first date last (if there is an about time, if not just say there isn't any certain amount of time)

2.) A kiss on the first date or not? Holding hands? Arms around shoulder waist etc..

3.) I am not a terribly great person at conversing, so what would be a good place to start off for slight casual chit chat (of course have some places where i can talk too, just in case I raise my speech skills :D)


Answers would be greatly appreciated from both guys and girls!


Edit: I was reading some stuff on this site, however I felt that if I did some of this stuff I would make the girl feel like she is on game where she has to answer all the questions, so if you feel like it tell me how I can make the conversation more smooth and not so rough (where after each question i ask another X_x).


Again thanks!

[KyleK]

Unfortunetly I cant give you any advice on this either (No first date for me either)

But all replies will be definatly appreciated by me aswell.

[PerletPhp]

Comeon people post your opinions! :D

[meg]

First of all, remember there will be two people on this date, not just you! ( smiles )

She will also be trying to keep the conversation going and be entertaining as well, and attempting to hold your interest.

I'm not sure you can set up the first date in your mind. You just have to go with the flow.

When I was a teenager, we always doubled dated, the first time or two. This took the pressure off.

Just remember to always be yourself. Meg

[PerletPhp]

thanks meg, never thought of double dating!

EDIT: I was looking at other sites and noticed that many sites said NOT to go to movies but to go to dinner. Is this a good idea despite the fact that I am not a great "talker"? I just don't want to go on my first date and have a 30 minute amount of time where there is complete silience. Ugh, just thinking of it gives me the chills. I just have this BIG suspicion that that will happen!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Man, I just worked myself up, my heartbeat is way up! :)

Anyway, I dunno. I am not to bad about talking I guess, it is just my nervousness I am worried about!

-Regards

PerlETPhp

[Rexie]

megs idea is great...eases tension sooo much

movies=bad! at least for me. just recently went on a first date to the movies and it was horrible. the movie was good and all it but it was just so ackward...for some reason even when im at the movies i still feel abliged to do or say something and i dont think im the only one. you end up sittin through the whole movie with only part of your brain concentrating on the movie and the other part doesnt know wut the heck to do...heheh or maybe its just me!

i know it may sound stupid but one of the best things to do is go bowling!...im a horrible bowler but its alway fun with a guy and friends cuz u r doin somethin to keep u occupied and theres food!
mini golf is another good one too!

keep in mind that if u have something to do even if u dont talk a little eye contact and a smile goes a long way. if she says somethin that doesnt really require a response dont rack your brain for somethin to say unless u feel it...a smile to her words is sometimes better than anything...
as long as u do whatever comes natural u should be fine...if she doesnt like that then shes prolly not the one for u
hmm im a chatterbox tonite...sorry :p
rexie

[PerletPhp]

just saying thanks (and bumping :D) i will edit post later and reply!

[Judas]

Meg is a smart one.

If it's the first one then I would think you want to get to know each other better. So dinner is a better idea instead of a movie in my opinion. Do something interactive. One that's pretty easy is a hibachi restaurant. I don't know if they have Kanki there or not. May just be in my area. But a Japanese restuarant with the big hibachi grill and the chefs cutiing and dicing and flinging stuff around is ALOT of fun. Those guys can be pretty funny sometimes too. So that way, you get dinner and kind of a show and can talk too. It's usually at least 1.5 hours when you go in those places to eat because they serve in courses.
What to talk about? Her. The 1 thing I hear most women complain about men on dates other than looking at other women(don't do that either!) is talking about themselves constantly. Ask her about her. Don't do it exclusively because she wants to know about you as well. Try to figure out what makes her laugh too.

And remmember:if it all turns to crap(heaven forbid) you still had a great japanese meal.:D

[PerletPhp]

ha, i added the japanese resteraunt to my list! =)

i think the best bet for me is being friends with them first... should i use the phrase "Let's get together and do something sometime" like it states on one of the pages on this site???

Also, how can I tell if the girl wants to go on another date? Or will she tell me?


Regards,
PerlETPhp

[PerletPhp]

X_x

I am getting mixed ideas about the whole "to go to a movie or not to go to a movie" (for the first date) that is the question!

I just don't know what to do. Some sites/people say to do a movie as a first date, others say that is a no no. =P

I was going to do bowling ~_~ how is that for a first date =\

[Rexie]

well you already know that I think it's a good idea but I'll say this anyway ...
it's good cuz it eases tension, go with a bunch of friends, there's no pressure and you can just enjoy the evening with people like.
have fun! It doesnt have to be bowling...it can be anything where you and your friends and prospective girlfriend can have a good time and DO something. If you are still seriously considering the movie idea...go with a group of friends. You will feel more relaxed
first dates dont have to be one on one. One on one is so much easier to wait until you are more comfortable with that person.
and that's my two cents worth...maybe three
:) Rexie

[PerletPhp]

Thanks guys, I am going to ask someone 'out' this week (i think :D) so wish me luck! Hopefully I won't need it.

Best wishes,
PerlETPhp

[Champ1]

Yes! hopefully you won't need it! So here is a reinforcement.. "Good Luck" hope it goes well.

I was just thinking that it wouldn't be a good thing to go out somewhere that is "similar" to a place where they work or spend alot of time in.

Such as..the girl that i am fond of works at a Cinema complex..so something out of this area would be good! Would anyone agree on that?

[Judas]

Not sure how old you are or if it matters, but going to a stand up comedy club could be pretty cool too. Not really sure what her cineplex thing hasd top offer, but if you think she's game for that then go for it.

[PerletPhp]

Champ1 -- Sounds like a good idea to have her going to a different place. However, the ciniplex you talk of isn't necessarily a bad idea.

Judas -- Thanks for the great idea. If possible I will try to use this, however the problem is finding a stand up comedy club!! I guess I'll try looking in the phone book??


Update: B/c I am thinking of asking one of two girls out and b/c I don't like to flip coins, I decided the best bet is to just ask the girl that I see first out :D

I'll keep you informed!

[Judas]

Look at this guy! I can't buy a date from a 45 year old toothless crack whore down at the corner of Peace and South Saunders St. and he's got to flip a coin to decide between 2 ladies! :mad:

[PerletPhp]

lol. i didn't say they would both go out with me X_x, i just am very bad at deciding however i will not use a coin to decide for me. :D

i scratched one, i am down to one nice, kind girl left! =\

[Judas]

Well, not to be nosey, but could you tell us what ends up happening? (where you decide to go and how it went)
good luck;)

[PerletPhp]

Ok, well here is the whole story..

I've only asked about 2 or 3 girls out in my life so I am not the greatest and just like the last girl I asked out (last year) I was extremely nervous. I went down the stairs (and I knew what class she was coming from b/c my friend is in her class) and was gathering my thoughts when BOOOM she walks past me. I mutter sh*t and walk after her. I call her name out and she looks at me and slows down. I catch up with her (and rather doing what I planned to do yesterday, which is in the next paragraph) I jump straight to the point and see if she wants to do something Saturday evening. She thinks for a moment and then says that she is "Busy" and that she has to "Work". Well I am not going to deny that, for it may be totally true. Then I said, "Oh, ok. Well I'll see you later *big smile* (she smiles back) *wave*". Which was stupid :P However, this brings up some questions. Should I ask her like I wanted to ask her (paragraph below) again? Should I talk to her friends? Move on to some "greener pastures", in other words should I find someone new? I am a bit confused, so any help would be appreciated. And please, no huge pity comments b/c this thing happens to me all the time. However I am in no means ugly, =\.

Well anyway, I am throwing this in b/c despite my stupid way of asking her to do something with me I actually had an idea (but again she caught me off guard and I was nervous X_x). I was thinking I would run into her, and just give a bit of general chit chat (how was ur weekend, what class do you have next, etc), followed by the question "Some friends and I were going to go bowling this weekend, and I was wondering if you wanted to come along, ya know bring a friend or two and have a good time. Do you want to?" then if she said no I planned on saying "Oh, well maybe another time" (like it says on the site). Also I think I shoulda pressed maybe a little harder when she was "busy" with "work" by asking her what time was good for her (or something to that effect).


Anyway, in conclusion I am sad, but I wasn't really thinking it would work, so I said oh well. I would like some advice though.

Kindest Regards,
Justin

[Champ1]

Usually it is good establish a friendly conversation - then a few more conversations as time goes by...thats if you are REALLY into the person, aswell as having patience and the other person not tied into a relationship. Although, asking them out isn't a bad thing - but hey..Saturdays are always working days -- i guess its common knowledge (and maybe not a tact to avoid going out).

It funny though, things happen when you least expect...that "she caught me off guard" happens all the time - is it fate? or pure coincedence...hmm thats actually confusing. So i guess you should at least talk to her about 'what time she has work' and so forth (but don't ask for her entire timetable) - or say "when your not busy, you come out and do some serious bowling...haha" (well in your own words).

[PerletPhp]

Usually it is good establish a friendly conversation

lol, ya, usually, like i said i was nervous!

Saturdays are always working days -- i guess its common knowledge

X_x I didn't know that, lol. I learn something every day!

It funny though, things happen when you least expect...that "she caught me off guard" happens all the time - is it fate?

O GOD I hope not! I really don't want this happening all the time :D Well I'll be more prepared next time. Also every time I do this I feel I am getting a bit better I am not as nervous as the time I did it before :)

So i guess you should at least talk to her about 'what time she has work' and so forth (but don't ask for her entire timetable) - or say "when your not busy, you come out and do some serious bowling...haha" (well in your own words).

Hmm, are you sure this is a good idea to talk to her again so soon? I don't want to be a pest lol. However if you don't do a bit of pushing you will never get anywhere in life! No, asking her for her whole timetable would be stupid lol. And that is funny about the "serious bowling" thing!!

[PerletPhp]

k, i won't bump this but once (b/c i need to know tonight)

so here it is my one bump (and probably my last post for a while)

[Champ1]

Naturally space out the days so it doesn't seem too obvious! yeh hehe

But take the chance! thats all we have - Take Chances will get you anywhere...good and bad..but hey thats life my friend.

[PerletPhp]

naturally :D


ya i'll take the chance, eventually, don't u worry!

[PerletPhp]

Well I asked her last thursday as you know and I plan to ask her my final time this tuesday, so is that a fair amount of time? Also I figured I would say something like this:

///BLAH BLAH BLAH, RANDOM CONVERSATION CRAP GOES BEFORE THIS///

Well I realized last time you were busy and I know that I made a bad impression, however I was thinking I could have a 2nd chance, say, this Friday like 8-10 up at the (name of bowling alley goes here) Bowling Alley, my friends and I were going to go so I wondered if you wanted to come along and bring a few friends as well. Ya know, have some food, some fun, and maybe a few laughs? How 'bout it?



How's that sound, is it too synical (sp?) in the beginning? Or does it work? I want to make it pretty much perfect since last time I feel like I screwed up major :D. Any advice/comments would be more than welcome.


Thanks.