Want to get my exGF back, badly.

[Braveheart]

My exgirfriend left me 2 months ago to get back with her exboyfriend, but in the mean time i was with her, i fell in love, the mistake i have made until now is pressing to much and i have not let her miss me. This is such a fact that she tolm me last week that she aint worried about losing me cause she knows if she ever comes back evn in a 100 years, ill be there waiting for her.
The must i have being able to go away is 5 days, which i have now understand is not enough time for her to miss me. We have being seeing each other behind his BF back, as she did with me.
What can i do.???????????
im open for questions.
One thing is for sure, there is no doubt in her mind i love her, and she does not loves me, she likes me a lot, and i mean a lot. The relation between them i thin is that she thinks she loves him (which i think is not true) and i think theres a chance that he likes her a lot but he doesnt loves her either.
The reason the broke up at first.............he dumped her after a year with the excuse of internal conflicts (himself) and then she dumped me after 4 months of dating and 1.5 months of being a couple.
i want to get her back problem is i have done too many things but letting her go away and let her know if she is really going to miss me. U can include i gave her a diamond ring and she gave it back to me after 2 hours of having it with her.

[MyMatt2003]

It sounds like she is not worth your trouble.. I understand you love her and all.. but if she doesn't have the same feelings for you then how will it work? If you love her enough then you will let her go.. because this girl is simply not worth the trouble, you can do alot better...

[Braveheart]

Thing is i think she does likes me a lot but because of the fact i have let her know i´ll always be there she is not affraid of losing me, she told me that. This is the 4th day i have not talk to her and i wont, but im not sure what to expect. Is this a lost cause?, or being indiferent from now on caould work for me?

[MajorMax]

You're letting her walk all over you!!! She's not only being disrespectful but she's doing so, knowing full well that you're never going to call her on her bull !!!

If she ever found you attractive in the past, she does NOT find you attractive anymore, the likely cause for this being the fact that YOU'RE KISSING HER ASS!!!

Diamond ring? For your GIRLFRIEND?? Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND???
While in the movies this sort of kiss-ass behavior may yield results, in the real world it's about as practical as waving a broom around pretending to be Obi Wan Kenobi wielding a light saber.

Not only does it NOT work for you, but it works AGAINST you. Once you demonstrate to a woman that she can manipulate you to get what she wants, she will promptly lose ALL interest in you.

Repeat this ten times each day.

You're being a supplicating loser, and to even STAND A CHANCE with this girl that has already classified you as one, you must prove to her that you're a MAN and that you won't be pushed around. This means - don't call her, don't see her, don't send her flowers. If she calls, tell her you're busy. If she drops over tell her to FXCK OFF!!

This should get to pursue you if she's at all interested and if she's not, then there's no OTHER way that you can get her back anyways so FORGET about her and attend to the REAL problem which is YOU - you have to be able to WALK AWAY from any girl that's wasting your time and in order to do that, you must be able to go out and meet OTHER girls, ANYTIME. This will give you tremendous power in any relationship that you may decide to get involved.

Of course, you can just keep on doing what you've been doing all along... and getting the same results.

[Stephanie]

If you want to be ignored, used, and a fall back then she is perfect for you, but you seem to be much better then that and you will be able to find someone better then that. I dont think she knows what she wants from a relationship and will continue hurting who ever will let her until she finds out. It could take a really long time. I think the best thing you could do is leave her alone.

[MyMatt2003]

I strongly agree with Stephanie and Max... You are kissing to much ass and your setting yourself up to get hurt even more.. This girl is treating you like crap, You don't need that sh!t in your life

[Braveheart]

Thanks for your replies. As a matter of fact im doing exactlu as you mentioned on your post reply. }Lasta time i saw her was on wednesday and las time i called her was on saturday at noon. I know thats not too much time but at this moment this is the longest she has gone without knowing of me, well in a few hours that will be a fact, but by tomorrow at this hour, she will notice its being the longest period of time. She has not seeing me on icq nor on msn cause im invisible also. All i want from you people is to tell me what to do as u have done till this moment.. I guess vanishing as a ghost is my best chance right now. Do u thing it will take long before she starts looking for me? Cause i can guarantee u she will do it, or at least i think it will happen. Is there some more advice u can give me, how much time could it take just too have an idea of when to quit waiting. I also have a caller id at home which she doesnt knows exists, so im not answering nor my cellular nor my home phone. Should i reply to her on icq or msn? Should i stay visible and answer if she says something?
thanks

[Stephanie]

You dont have to hide from her just dont answer her unless you can handle being just friends. If you can handle that you are one step ahead of the game. Good luck man.

[DeadStars]

Don't get played.

In my experience, friendship after a failed relationship is very difficult... probably just me, or something.

But don't let her use you as the fall back guy, the guy she knows will always be there to catch her when she falls, old reliable, etc.

Do not get suckered into something while you are in a weak state.

Good luck. ;)

[Braveheart]

OK OK
I also agree with u, im not going to look for her, and i just have put me visible. Know i have a question: why do u say im one step ahead of the game if i can tolerate being friends?
When am i supposed to answer her messages?, cause i think as soon as she sees me online she will send a message.

[MajorMax]

Answer her messages right away. Ten to one she'll ask you why she hasn't heard from you lately. Tell her you've been busy, WITHOUT apologizing!! Remember, you're NOT making excuses, you're effectively snuffing her without being impolite. Show her that you won't put up with her sh*t anymore and that you won't lose your temper over it.

[Braveheart]

I saw her last night on msn, we didnt say a word, not even hi to each other. Im into dthe 6th day without communicating.
How long could it take for her to try establish contact?
Im willing to do as u tell cause this is my last chance......letting her make the first step.
Thanks

[MajorMax]

She may not ever take that step. Meanwhile you gotta find yourself more prospects.

[Serrene]

Having the discipline not to talk to her just isn't enough. You're still waiting, hanging on every moment hoping for her to get back with you. As soon as she hears from you again, whether in an hour or another week she will know you're still her puppy dog.

Have some self respect, do some things you've enjoyed doing when you weren't so desperate to be with your ex. Maybe you two will get back together someday, but not before you're able to accept that maybe you *won't* get back together. Your life *will* go on without her.

[meg]

If she was with you behind his back....
Was she with him behind yours? Do you really feel you can trust this girl again? What happens when she wants to go off and explore her feelings another time? Will you wait? Can you eventually take her back and not worry if she isn't with another?
She knows she has you, and she can use that to her advantage. You will end up being the guy she leans on when things go bad in other relationships... -- keep smiling, dust your butt off and move forward, don't wait on her... Meg

[Gan]

People who love you don't drag you across the dirt, stringing you along, making you think that you may one day have another chance. She's an idiot for going back to her ex, she doesn't realise that now, but when she breaks up with him again (which will most certainly happen), she will. And when that does happen - don't take her back!!

-Gan

[MyMatt2003]

I was in your exact same position Braveheart.. whatever you do.. just move on and don't call.. because I made the mistake by calling and trust me after that call.. I felt like sh*t its like if she stoled me out of my dignity.. although I felt some closure and I knew I would never call her again.. but I won't ever trade my dignity for that, it was the worst feeling I felt.. because I felt inferior.. just suck up it and move on, girls come and go, thats life

[Braveheart]

i saw her on icq today
after an hour she sent me a message
"hahaha.......i deleted"
i didnt answer
second message from her
"how are you?"
and i didnt answer either
3rd message from her
"how r u?"
and i didnt answer
4th message from her
"ok, dont answer me......bye"
after 2 minutes i answered
"im ok thanks"
she didnt answer to that message and left after 30 minutes

[Karbonopsinos]

Originally posted by Braveheart

after 2 minutes i answered
"im ok thanks"
she didnt answer to that message and left after 30 minutes

NOOOOO....you should never have answered. Let the b!tch pay.

[Gan]

Originally posted by Karbonopsinos


NOOOOO....you should never have answered. Let the b!tch pay.

I second that!! Let her squirm like the snake she is!!

-Gan

[Braveheart]

ok, i agree...........i just felt bad about ignoring her...........im too soft, but next time i wont answer.............do u think she will tray to talk to me again?
i think she was desperate as she asked twice "how r u"........as she doesnt care how am I, i think she asked that just to see my reaction.
And she swallowed her pride as she was at her new office and she was in a new pc.......so she had to search for me in order to send the messages.............so she was thinking about me.
How long could it take for her to make a second try?
i thought it was not a bad idea to answer as cold as ice and thats what i did.
Is what transpired today a step forward for me ? or is it insignificant?
Do u translate her attitude as "interest in me"?
I thought that not answering her messages would have closed the door for me as she wouldnt look for me again feeling i was not answering her again ever.................

[Gan]

She's just checking to see if you're still talking to her and she still has control over you and obviously she does...

...snap out of it Braveheart!!!! You may be soft but you're not stupid, don't let her lure you again - you're just going to keep dragging. I know it's easy to say that but you need to do it. You owe it to yourself!!

I think you're reading into your little computer message a little too much. See if she follows it up before you start getting ideas...

-Gan

[Karbonopsinos]

Let me give you an analogy. She left the house that was your relationship to her lover outside. In the backyard, she's kissing, sucking, and having sex with her new lover, while you're sitting inside, waiting at the door.

Before, you would open the door and call her name and she would laugh at you and continue her kissing, hugging, and copulation.

This time, however, she called, and you didn't answer. Then she came a bit closer to the door and knocked. You didn't answer. Then she knocked again. Didn't answer. Then she opened the door a peep and whispered something about how it really wasn't her loss at all and left.

Then was your golden chance. You could have slammed the door into her fat ugly mug, but instead, you opened it, and said "I'm still here."

Now she's back to the slurping, laughing, her eye gleaming. She knows your her faithful slave, her humble servant, her dog.

The only way to defeat this is to slam down hard. Give her an emotional slap or two. Ignore her on ICQ. If you see her in person, answer her with the coldest of replies and walk away. And don't look her in the eyes. Instead, look up and then down, as if she is trash beneath you. Then she will realized that you are a human being and not an animal. And guess what, you'll realize that too and you'll feel so empowered and strong, you'll feel a lot better than feeding her ravenous appetite for abusing you.

[meg]

tsk tsk...

There is no need treat anyone as if they are trash. A person can show a lack of interest without being cruel. Meg

[Karbonopsinos]

I never advocated cruelty. I simply said that he should quickly slam the emotional door shut and put up a "no dogs allowed" sign.

You know, maybe you see this as some pathetic little affair, but I have to say that it is SHE who is singularly cruel to be f*cking around with an ex-boyfriend and still luring and abusing and chatting with Braveheart as if nothing had happened. She is the one who is asking for an emotional slap. And she is fully to blame for this. If she wanted to cut it all asunder, she would have told him to stop talking to her and would have done the same.

Instead, when she is bored (and presumably not f*cking around with her ex) she decides to drop a word or two, which is provocation in the extreme, and just opens up that festering wound.

What a b!tch. I'm amazed anyone can defend her.

[Braveheart]

a have a question
I left home and i left my computer connected to internet and my icq online as if i was home. The thing is i will be at the hospital until tomorrow working, so i wont be at home but my icq is connected, so if erika comes online , she will see me online, and if she send a message i wont be able to say anything, even if she tries 10 times or even if she says something importatn.

Do you thing its alright to be online if im not home?
I did it because she knows that i have to be today here all day until noon tomorrow, so i left my icq online to try not to be so predictable, and make her think that my work schedule changed, i did this in order to make her loose track of my working hours.

But now i dont know if ignorig for the second day in a row is a good thing to do.
what do u think?
Should i stay online or should i do something to disconnect my computer so when she comes online im not?

Im affraid that she could think...ok this is the second day i try to get back to him and he is ignoring me, so to hell with him.

[meg]

Ever take into consideration there is two sides to every story??
Have you read what Braveheart has posted? Is anything that has been posted by others sinking in? ( throws up a caution flag ) Meg

[MyMatt2003]

Damn Braveheart get it through your head, this chick isn't worth sh!t, I mean how many posters have to post and say that she isn't worth it?? GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD she is not worth the trouble, ditch the b!tch and move on

[MajorMax]

>ok this is the second day i try to get back to him and he is ignoring me, so to hell with him.

She is NOT TRYING TO GET BACK TO YOU!!! She is just probing to see if you're still her pitiful TINKERTOY!!! Do NOT do anything that you wouldn't normally do BECAUSE OF her, because that translates into the fact that she still has power over you (and obviously she does, but YOU HAVE TO PUT AN END TO THIS *NOW*!!!)

At this moment, the chances of you getting her back are next to NONE!!! Maybe one in a hundred!! You have proven to her that you have NO value, NO personality and NO balls!! You're worth SH*T and you've SHOWN THIS to her!!!

I repeat what I and all the other posters have repeatedly told you: GIVE HER THE COLD SHOULDER and LET HER GO ALTOGETHER!!! It's ALL over for at least 5 years -- or longer, depending on how long it takes you to FIND A PAIR OF BALLS!!!

[Karbonopsinos]

Nasty but effective MajorMax, I must admit.

Alright Braveheart, I don't know much about relationships as I've never had a girlfriend, but looking at myself and my sister as representative people, I can tell you one thing. Strong people are liked. A woman wants a strong man. A man wants a strong woman. This I am sure of. It doesn't mean he/she has to be able to endure 3 nights of no sleep or benchpress 200 pounds (I am sure most people on the forum are a bit sharper than that), but it certainly means that you must be able to stand on your own two feet as a mature individual and accept rejection (and a lot of other things). This is just another form of it. When I got rejections from some colleges I applied to, sure, I'll admit, I cried for an hour or so by myself, but then I got over it. And you should grieve over what was your relationship. That's normal.

However, it's OVER. She's left you. Got it? LEFT YOU. She doesn't want or need you. She *thinks* you're a WIMP but isn't sure, so she's testing you just for the hell of it, and I must say that you are increasingly proving that she was right both to HER and to US.

You have received a myriad of comments, all with the consensus that this person is not worth your time, that she obviously doesn't love you, that you are denigrating yourself, and becoming a first class wimp. Truth to tell, you really don't have any exacerbating circumstances. You don't have kids with her, heck you're not even married! She was just a girlfriend, and a 2-bit one at that. What's holding you to someone who doesn't love you, clearly doesn't even LIKE you, and has no financial, legal, or sexual (by this I mean the mother of your children) power over you?

I will now give you a little prediction of what will happen. Clearly she's bored. Bored out of her head with her new/old boyfriend. Maybe she's interested in a little game with you. Maybe she even "wants" to get back together. She may very well come to you and spout her "I love you, I have done wrong, I had no idea" routine. Of course, in the state that you're in, you will take her back with open arms.

But then something will click in this nutty b!tches head. She'll say to herself, "Hmm, he's the wimp I always thought he was. Must find some guy who is more macho." Before you know it, she's in bed with boyfriend #3 and you're whining on this forum again.

Then again, you can avoid this horrible nightmare by continuing your life routine as before, making absolutely no changes, unless they are because of your personal needs and most convenient for YOU, you can ignore her, giving her the cold shoulder when she intrudes, and move on with your life. Much more is at stake here than a girl. What's at stake here is whether you will let yourself be emasculated to the point of pulp by people who don't even care about you, whether you will be able to stand up for the woman you actually love (I firmly believe that this is nothing more than infatuation) and stand up TO her, whether you'll be able to raise respectful and disciplined children, whether you'll be able to have your say at work, in your church, whatever.

Take this other path and you will find a woman who will love and cherish you.

Take the first, and your nose will have already been pierced with that rusty old oxring called WIMPISHNESS. All that's left is for some other slut to tie a rope to it and pull you wherever she likes.

[MyMatt2003]

Well said Karbonopsinos..
I agree with you 100% but you wasted all that time typing that pretty little essay for Braveheart were he is not going to listen... It's clearly shown that Braveheart is not listening nor I don't think he cares on what we think.. But if he wants to get walked on like a little trick, then let him we can't do anything about it..
there just some people, that don't get the hint

[meg]

I really disagree with the name calling!!!! Jeezies!

Braveheart, I'm sure no one means harm with their post. We are all concerned for you. We want you to make better choices and stop worrying about this girl. Please read carefully what others have said. You need to show your strength right now. You need to show her that you can live without her. That you will not be her doormat. Best of luck. Meg ( tosses caution flag and walks away )

[Karbonopsinos]

Meg, we have our tone, you have yours. Undoubtedly yours is more motherly and that's probably because you're a mother (I think?)

We're basically saying the same thing. A little harshness, if it's effective, is not all that horrible a thing. ;)

[meg]

Yes Karbonopsinos, I am a mother of two little girls, well one isn't quite so little. She is nearly a teenager, probably close enough to consider her one. Meg

[Braveheart]

Hey, the only thing she has heard from me in the last 11 days is "im fine thanks"
thats it
isnt that showing i can do without her?

[MajorMax]

The fact that she got *anything at all* from you shows that you can't do without her.

The fact that you counted the damn days shows that you can't do without her.

The fact that you're sitting there, telling us about her instead of going out to get other girls shows that you can't do without her.

You gotta forget about her completely to be able to say that you CAN manage without her.

[Braveheart]

She sent this message on ICQ on sunday 1030pm as i was offline:

"I can tell u that im now working at the Jesus Christ Hospital downtown everyday, and on tuesdays and thursday, i work at night with patients at my office. Im doing just fine with my tesis, hahahaha.
Greetings and best wishes"

She sent this 15 days after my last phone call.

I have not answered the message.

[MajorMax]

Good.

[Karbonopsinos]

Very good.

[Braveheart]

And now what?
Should i answer?
Should i do it wednesdaay?
tomorrow?
next week?
how cold should my answer be (if u in fact think i should answer the message)?
Is this a good sign or is she just playing?
Is it important that she beat her own pride to send such a message which has no real meaning but just to know if im still there for her.
Why bother cheking if im still available if i turned out to be such a boring guy in the moment i let her kick my azz?
Is her interest in me rising all of a sudden just because i have not called her?
Could keeping this attitude drive her back to me and make her respect me?
Should i be as cold as ice?
chould i be an azzhole?
Why boder writing again if she is getting my message loud an clear that im not gonna look for her.........and that if she she wants to hear my voice she will have to be the one to make the phone call?
and if she wants to make up, she knows im gonna put some very though rules on the agreement table

[Karbonopsinos]

Alright mister, I give up. You win.

She will NEVER respect you until you DO NOT answer FOR GOOD and she realizes what she's lost. She's testing you, you dolt. If you answer with an asinine "hey, I'm here" she's just gonna pat herself on the back and think "I have him around my little finger."

Please, do yourself a favor, and cut off all contact with this girl, PERMANENTLY! If she calls, be cold and end the conversation quickly but COURTEOUSLY. No slams or insults. Just as if she were a telemarketer and you want to get rid of her but not sound rude.

Then she'll realize what she's lost and will regret it. But you cannot take her back. If you do, its back to square one.

[Gan]

I totally agree with Karbs - do what he says!!!

-Gan

[Braveheart]

Take it easy pal, thats why im here, to do as u tell me to, cause i was out of control, now im getting back into real me. But I still want her back.
Why shouldnt i be rough?, as u say cut her calls like a gentleman....
If the idea is not getting back with her at all why bother givng her a nice impresion of me?
or r u saying i should be cold but still a gentleman for weeks to come and then get back with her if shes asks it desperately?
Is your plan:
A. She out of my life forever
B. She out of my life until she understands im the boss (and it will take very long if it happens, i did understand that now.

I understood that if i answer before 10 or 15 attemps of her to look for me, she will thing im her pussy cat. I understood i must be strong and she must think im a strong man (inside) before things change. Im getting most of the idea u r trying to get into my mind. the only thing im not clear about is if u r guiding me to next her o guiding me to get her in a long period of time and she gives me the place a deserve.

If everybody in this board wants me to next her just say it and im gone, but if u r trying to help get her back as long as she starts showing real respect ill stay, and the second option is really what i want out of u guys and girls, but if u r not willing to do so, i will understand, and will thank u all anyway, cause u have really help me understand some things.

Good luck.
Will be back soon to read some replies.
Thanks.

[Karbonopsinos]

Well, the reason why I'm saying you should be gentlemanly is because it implies indifference. If you are all hot and mad and slamming and yelling and insulting, it implies that she struck at your heart, that she could actually move you to such an emotional state. This is her second best hope. First, she wants her pussycat. If not that, then a raging lion.

What I'm saying you have to give her is a cold-blooded snake who will calmly glance at her out of its eye and slither away. Do you get my drift? The opposite of love is NOT hate, but INDIFFERENCE.

As for getting back or discarding, I'm really not sure what to tell you. I for one support forgiveness, but some people are mature and honest enough to BE FORGIVEN. Others simply interpret it as weakness and return to their foul ways. Not that I particularly care about her, but if you let her back in and she is the second type, she'll hurt you again badly.

I really don't know her, so I can't tell if she is someone who CAN accept forgiveness or not. If not (and only you know the answer), I say discard. If yes, hold out MUCH, MUCH LONGER (keeping us posted of course) and wait until she fully realizes how disgusting and hurtful her faithlessness really was.

[Braveheart]

Ok pal.
I really thank u for your post, it really helps me to take my decisions and see things more clear. Im not really sure which one she is, thats why im so anxious right now even though she is starting to look for me as this is the 3rd time she looks for me or gets in contact since the last time i called her and she hung up on me (its been 16 days since i last called her and dont think im anxious counting the days, im just being colder and keeping track of things so i can make more coldminded moves than before). At times i think she really cares for me and is starting to miss me and is starting to defeat her own pride, but I think leaving a message on ICQ is not what a deserve in exchange for all the love a gave her, at least I expect a phone call and more, I think she chould do this in person, but i think she is so inmature and has so much prinde inside her that may explain the reason why she is trying to get to me by ICQ. Now, sometimes i think she is an SOB which is just trying to play her stupid game again..............but the parts that dont makes sence to me are:
1. Why look for me when the last 10 times we talked, things got so ugly that she told me to get out of her house and of her live?
2. Why try to play a game that the last time she played got so ugly, so out of control, and more important.........so tense........it was not a game anymore, it turned out to be a nightmare and not just for me, but for her also (thats what it think, as she really lost control and the game was not an enjoyable one anymore).
3. If she is on top of her game with the other guy, and she already defeated me, why expose herself and look for me for a 3rd time if history has told her im not looking for her anymore and the 1st and 2nd time she looked for me she didnt get any points in her favor?
4. If she asked me sooooooooooo, but sooooooo badly and u dont have an idea how bad and how many times she asked me to leave her alone so she could be happy with him........what the hell is she doing sending me messages?......... WHAT IS THE FORCE INSIDE HER THAT IS MAKING HER DO THIS EVEN IF SHE KNOWS THAT I WOULD BE ASKING MYSELF THIS SAME QUESTION?
hOW IN THE WORLD CAN SOMEONE BEG U SO HARD TO LEAVE HER ALONE AND 10 DAYS AFTER STARTS LOOKING FOR U?



I REALLY NEED U TO UNDERSTAND THAT IM NOT STUPID AND THAT I UNDERSTAND CLEARLY ALL THE THINGS THAT U HAVE POSTED.......THIS R JUS THINGS THAT DONT LEAVE ME ALONE ALL DAY........BUT HAPPILY FOR ME, IN A MORE RELAXED WAY.

Right now im in such a deep dilema because of what u wrote, cause i had the plan of answering her on wednesday saying something like:
"Im glad things r going right for u, hope that everything keeps that ways. Greetings"

I had the idea that this message would project this caracteristics:
1. An answer to her message 3 days after her message, showing that im in control and that I will answer when ever i want to and not as soon as she sends me a message and her pussy cat runs in desperation to answer.
2. It would be ( as u asked as well) a short ansswer, calmed, not showing interest, and just being a gentleman answering in order not to ignore but nothing else.

The thing the does not looks good to me is the thing u said.......maybe what ever i answer will make her think "my pussycat is there ok" im ready to keep on rolling with my bf.

Another thing that bothers me is that she my think that i agree on ICQ comunication after all the things that happen and that is not true.......If she wants to talk about anything, she better call and say it loud and clear and not play stupid games on ICQ, trying to measure me and my feelings. I want to force her to come to me in person or at least call me and say loud and clear that she is sorry and that she is willing to do the best she can to repair all the pain she caused......and more difficult than that......she will have to convice me that she is saying the truth (and believe me ...that wont be an easy task............sure im in love with her, but my dream is over and now I remembered my own value and she willl have to fight to get me back. Problem is im not used to be in this situation and im not sure how to do this......thats why you might think im stupid because of the things i say and because of the cause im fighting for.

Thanks for reading..........see u later.

[meg]

I think it's positive that you are searching for answers within yourself, Braveheart!

You have as much advice, as you need. It's time for you to step up to the plate and make your own choices and decisions now.
You cannot follow what someone else says or would do in the same situation. You have had some good advice, you know what you 'could' be in for. You know how this 'could' turn out. Follow your own heart and mind now. Remember you are an individual, take control of your life. No one can control you, no one can make you miserable unless you allow them to. Meg

[Karbonopsinos]

Originally posted by Braveheart
Another thing that bothers me is that she my think that i agree on ICQ comunication after all the things that happen and that is not true.......If she wants to talk about anything, she better call and say it loud and clear and not play stupid games on ICQ, trying to measure me and my feelings. I want to force her to come to me in person or at least call me and say loud and clear that she is sorry and that she is willing to do the best she can to repair all the pain she caused......and more difficult than that......she will have to convice me that she is saying the truth (and believe me ...that wont be an easy task............sure im in love with her, but my dream is over and now I remembered my own value and she willl have to fight to get me back. Problem is im not used to be in this situation and im not sure how to do this......thats why you might think im stupid because of the things i say and because of the cause im fighting for.

Thanks for reading..........see u later.

I'm sorry if I came across as thinking you were stupid. Of course I don't. I understand that it must be a heartwrenching thing to lose someone you love and for them to constantly provoke you. It heaps insult upon injury. Maybe its time for me to pull back. It's your life, you must make the choices. And this last paragraph says it all (if you really meant it)....she hurt you.....badly. You are a worthy human being and deserve a full and sincere apology in person, a promise for reform if you are to take her back, and the condition (of course) that if she ever repeats it, there's no going back.

Now, what I'll say has little to do with her but a LOT to do with YOU:

If a person (man or woman or child, matters not) wishes other people to respect him, he must have respect for himself. He must know his own worth.

The man who works hard at work for several years has the right to expect that his hard work deserves a raise every year and a promotion after several. As a matter of fact, if he knows his worth and the worth of his efforts, he will request a raise/promotion and the employer will almost always oblige. Even if he turns him down or gives him less than requested, the employer will still respect him for asking.

Another example. The youth who works hard at school has the right to expect that he will get into a good college. Even if the college he wants to enter denies him acceptance, he has his own self-respect and this tells him that it's THEIR LOSS, not his.

And so it is with love (your problem). Love is largely based on passion, compassion, concern, and RESPECT. Your ex-girlfriend (nor any other woman) can respect you if you don't respect yourself. If you are a dignified, well-mannered, sincere, moral human being, you have a right to respect yourself. I'm not saying you should get puffheaded, but if you fulfill that criteria, you should recognize that you are a worthy human being who, as a result of his qualities, has a right to some expections, among them being RESPECT FROM OTHERS. Once you respect yourself and have respect for others who deserve it (let's not forget this important point), others will see your virtue and do the same, and only then can they love you.

So, my message to you braveheart is to first respect yourself and let the rest fall into place. If you do, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING will fall into place - your education, your employment, parents and family, women, your future wife ;), and your children......

[Braveheart]

Thanks for the replies......very useful.
By them I understand I should not answer her until she ask for forgiveness, in person.
Sadly im starting to think that u r right, maybe she is just fullfilling her ego checking if stupid braveheart and his ring are still hers.
Hopefully we all get to be wrong at the end.
And hopefully not answering her is the right way to manage this.
I have not done it, if I decide to do it I`ll let u know.........it will be tomorrow if i decide to do so.

[Braveheart]

Yesterday she saw me on ICQ, and started sending messages. And I answered. Then the conversation prolonged for 1 hour, in the mean time she said she was sorry, badly and that i was in her mind the last few days and that was the reason she looked for me. She confessed that she even came to my apartment and left a note on one of my wipers, but i never saw the message but i know she aint lying cause she knew 1 of my car wipers was missing and i had just lost it the day before, no way she knew that if she didnt droped by. She seemed cofused again and said she was, that she is missing her friend (me). After an hour or more on icq i made the mistake to call her to her house, and we talked for an hour, in this time she said she doesnt misses me, but she said on icq she misses her friend. She also said she is totaly crazy and that not even she can understand her attitude. She seemed very happy talking to me on icq as she sent 2 messages every time for each single message i sent to her, so i intepreted it as she had lots of energy to talk to me, she was loving it. But on the phone I started pressing again, but not lovely, I was tough on her but not rough, just selfsecure. She sweard she would not send anymore messages to me as I asked her why the hell was she looking for me if she asked me to go to hell. She seems to me very desperate, and the fact she even dropped note on my car.

What do u think =?????????

[Karbonopsinos]

Originally posted by Braveheart
She seemed cofused again and said she was, that she is missing her friend (me). After an hour or more on icq i made the mistake to call her to her house, and we talked for an hour, in this time she said she doesnt misses me, but she said on icq she misses her friend.
What do u think =?????????

I think you've wasted enough of my time!!!!!!!!! :mad: :redhot: :kaioken:

[meg]

She is telling you, she has no romantic interest....
She is telling you, that she only misses you as a friend, nothing more. Let go, hun... Meg

[Braveheart]

She called me today....0351 hours...thats 3:51am, and she hanged up, but i have an caller ID so i know it was she from her cellular phone calling me at that hour this morning
I answered the phone and she hanged as soon as she heard my voice..............
just to keep uinformed about the situation.
No romantic interests but calls at that hour??????????????
what the hell for?
Im starting to think she is crazy
Why call a "friend" at that hour and hang up????????????

[Karbonopsinos]

[to herself] There's my pussycat.

Pats her back

Let's go f*ck some, loverboy!

runs off with lover into the distance.

When will you learn?

[MyMatt2003]

two words that can describe that phone call

BOOTY-CALL

there ain't no romance or love in that

[Braveheart]

I think she is starting to get desperate as her pussy cat have not called in 3 weeks (just the day we chat on icq) and she got the message.........IM NOT CALLING HER ANYMORE, and that worries her.

I dont think there is a single person in the world that would make a call at 4am just to check if pussy cat is there..........ok, pussycat is there, but he is not calling me and is not there for me.

I feel it is staring to get interesting as Im pretty sure im not calling her again just because i still feel stupid for the call i made on wednesday. And she cant tolerate that i dont call her....she showed last night..........If she is having such a good time with him and im such a waist of time......why call me..........people dont call people that they think r a waist of time.........that would be a waist of time for the one that makes the call..........

Ill keep u informed and will try not to meke u guys go crazy about this.......hahahahaha

[meg]

Maybe she hit a programed number by accident. ( throws hands in the air ) You have a very thick skull, Braveheart -- smiles Meg

[Braveheart]

She was online on icq and after about 45 minutes she sent a message: "could you help me with some trouble im having with my tesis?
But she asked me the last time we talked to ignore her if she ever talked to me on icq, as she was 100% sure she would never do such a thing again (this was on wednesday). And was just did as she asked..........i ignored her........
After 45 minutes........I went offline and came online but invisible and after one minute she went offline

just to keep u updated

[Karbonopsinos]

Yawn... :sleeping:

[Braveheart]

she has called 4 times today but i was not home
239pm
358pm
427pm
502pm

this doesnt make any sense
should i answer if im here on the next call?

[Braveheart]

she made another call ten minutes after that
i guess u dont care anymore about this story uh..

[Karbonopsinos]

It's not that. It's just that whatever we say you disregard and you do your own thing. Maybe you just have to learn from experience, hard though it be. Which is not bad, she may turn out repentent, but she may also turn out to be b!tch.

We don't know, you don't know. So, you've decided to lay your feelings on the line to find out, and what we say doesn't really matter now.

[CarinaZorra7426]

Ok, I have read what everyone has said (typed).

Braveheart - papi - dejale ser. You deserve a woman who is going to love you for you - not because you are like the spare tire in the trunk of her car, you know always sitting there, only being used when the others are messed up. You are her spare tire, and think about a spare tire - it's a little freaky donut looking thing that gets thrown BACK in the trunk as soon as the other tire(s) is/are fixed.

No one deserves this sort of abuse. Don't call her, if she calls tell her you have another call and that you'll call her back (but DON'T).

Dices que eres un cirujano, puedes encontrar una mujer mas fina y amable que esta pendeja.


lero, lero
calzon de cuero
la vaca llora
por su ternero


cuidate :kiss2: :lips:

[Braveheart]

She called again yesterday but i was not home
she keeps calling..........and keeps getting no answer from me

[Braveheart]

she called again
I was on icq, she came up online...........she was there 3 minutes and then went offline.
3 seconds after that, my telephone rang, i saw her number on my caller id.
i answered the phone and said "hello" twice and she hanged up

[MyMatt2003]

Does she know you have caller ID?

[Braveheart]

Im not sure
I bought it after we broke up
I always hided it when she came to my place..but one day i forgot to do so and she came to my place and into my bedroom for 2 minutes, and im not sure if she saw it.
After that i handled to hide it.............not sure if it was to late...

There is some chance she knows...........

[Zero]

OMFG what is wrong with you?

DO NOT PICK UP. DO NOT SPEAK TO HER. Go on with your life.

Harsh but someone had to tell you...

[Braveheart]

She went to my hospital and looked for me on monday at 230pm with the excuse she went to see her tesis assesor.
She called me to my cell and we met at the hospital gardens, talked for an hour and arranged a later meeting.
She came to my apartment that day at 6 pm, talked fo 2 hours and then had sex......
She left an hour later.
The day after (tuesday), I called her at 1pm to try arrange a lunch, she said she couldnt cause was having a problem with the police on the highway. Before hanging up she asked me if she should call me later and i answered "if u want to"
She called to my apartment 5 times since 3 till 530pm (as i saw that on my caller id when i got home), and she also called at 535 to my cellular. I asked if she wanted to get together that night and she didnt want to...........I asked if i should call her later and she said "NO".
The funny thing is that she then called me at 9pm and then at 10pm to talk to me........and we talked twice that night.
She says her relationship is not fulfilling her but that she will continue to try make it work, she say it has lots of stress.......

We have not talked since.

[Karbonopsinos]

You're stupid as hell and deserve every slap she gives you.

Well, maybe not. Live your own life. If it turns out well, wonderful, if not.....don't say you weren't warned.

[MyMatt2003]

From what I just read, that is just pitiful.........
I can't find a word to even explain this except that this is very very pitiful and stupid. Why would you want a relationship from her????? SHE IS GIVING YOU LEFT OVERS! THAT MEANS SHE RUNS THESE THINGS WHEN SHE WANTS IT! How could you sell out your class and dignity?? OMG... I just don't understand.. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!

Dude where is your class and dignity???????? You should be ashamed to call yourself a man...

[Augustinus]

I think i know how you feel braveheart.. i have been in situation somewhat similar to yours, and even though doing what everyone else have suggested (breaking any contact with her) is the right thing to do, i know it can be extremely difficult. So, if you are not up to that yet (trust me, after a while you will get angry enough to cut any connection, too bad then she has done some serious damage to your mental health) here is my uh.. plan B.
.. Take it all with humor, learn to laugh at the whole matter. Enjoy the bizarre twists of life. Think to yourself that this can't hurt you, you have seen worse things than one silly b*** who has some emotional problems. Have the idea "oh yeah, keep it coming, i can take it. this will be so much fun. Shovel more of that dirt on me". When you meet her next time, try to laugh at her.. act as if she is a child to you and you are very amused of her antics (she certainly is acting like a child). That should surprise her.

"This is a song for Carol
Your into Japanese fastfood
And I drop you off with your Japanese lover
And you're going to the beach all day
You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me
You're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me"
-Pixies , Bone Machine

[Braveheart]

As a matter of fact, thats what i have being doing lately, acting as if she aint what i need anymore..........problem is i have not being doing 100% just 50% of the time.........but she is smelling that im not playing as before............
As a matter of fact she told me so and asked me how could i spent so much time without calling her or looking for her, said she was suprise..............but then i was weak again............but she is feeling it coming..........im 100% sure.

[Tyler]

Braveheart, i know what i am going to say is out of the topic.

This thread caught my interest cos Braveheart is one of my favourite movies. By calling yourself Braveheart, i dunno if you are telling yourself to be brave in matters of the heart or you just like the movie like me. :D

This is a quote from the Braveheart movie, i copy and paste here.

Soldier: William Wallace is 7 ft. tall.

Wallace: Yes, I've heard, and if he were here today, he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes, and lighting bolts from his arse. I am William Wallace, and I stand here, in front of a whole army of my countrymen, in the difance of terriany. You came here as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight.

Soldier2: Against that? No, we will run, and we will live.

Wallace: Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live, at least for awhile. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing, to take all the days from this day till then, to come back here and tell our enemies, they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!




Told you that's out of the topic. :rainbow:

[Braveheart]

As a matter of fact anything u right at any moment that has to do with that movie.........will ever be out of the topic..........it is the best movie of all times.........and i appreciate any comment from anyone that feels a deep pasion for it as i do (as u do).
I take advantage of this reply to tell u that im back with her since the first week of september and we have being doing just fine since that day. We had a fight yesterday for the first time and im arriving at this precise moment from her place.........everything is ok , at least until this moment. If any on u wants to keep up with the rest of the history.........just ask.
Thanks again for your advices.

[Tyler]

I would love to hear more about you and her.

Glad that you like that movie too.

Braveheart is one of my all time favourite movies.

[Duh Blonde]

I've been in a situation similar to this one. First thing is that even though you love her, you HAVE to go on with your life and hold on to knowing that if its meant to be she will come back to you. Even though you love her, you wouldn't want to be with someone unless you know for sure that they feel the same way I'm sure. It's not a good thing that she always knows you will wait for her, if she really thinks this then thats a big mistake and I'm not saying that to be mean, But it needs to be fixed on your part. If she sees that you are going out (Even though you love her and dont want to be without her) then maybe she will open her eyes and see what she is losing and realize that if she loves you she better get her butt in gear before she loses you forever. Thats what I had to do, and sure enough, he started showing a big change. ALways asking where I went and who I was with and such. Then he came to me crying and told me how much he cared and he knew it was a mistake and he asked me to please come back to him. Sometimes things work if this happens and sometimes it doesn't. Just keep in mind that if it's meant to be it will be!! Don't sit and be sad all the time. Sorry this post is so long everyone.

[all4amy]

All I have to say is "Absense makes the heart grow fonder" :D

[MajorMax]

Just `cause you're back together with her again doesn't mean she's changed. In fact, she prolly hasn't. Most likely, she's had trouble with her BF (who, if he was, unlike you, a man, saw through her bull ) and decided she was better off with her "spare" as someone else put it - for the time being.

She's gonna dump you again when she finds a real man, and you're gonna kiss her ass again, and again you will ask us for advice and whine about it like the pussy that you are.

As I said before: the way out of the slump you're in is by being a man. And obviously you're not a man, because men have balls and self-esteem, and you do not.

[softballchik15]

i feel that everyone deserves a second chance, but you don't need her. you could do so much better from what it sounds like. but if you really love her then make sure she knows how u feel and ask for a 2nd chance if u think it's worth it!!!

jessie

[Some Dude]

Braveheart needs to learn this lesson on his own, here guys.


"Braveheart" ~~"Foolsheart"

[brucedub71]

Oh no..please..I can't bear to see this happen to another well meaning guy.

one word.... fugetaboutit ...

I have been through this and it has taken me more than a year to get over my last girl and I am still missing her, and to tell you the truth, I will always love her, but she made her decision and I have to accept that.

I've been there partner, through the games, the emails she would write to me(using all of her pet names for me, while at the same time being "in love " with another guy), the calls in the middle of the night when she would tell me how much she missed me, the Christmas cards ... everything. And I bought into it. I even sent her gifts on her b-day. All of this was so that in the event that she decided to move home, she would remember how much of a "good boyfriend" I was and would come back with her tail between her legs(God knows how many other things have been there since).

And just to make sure.... my dumb ass calls her to wish her a happy birthday and guess what? I was served a cold dose of reality. She is "in love" and will be shacking up with homey in some Arkansas town with his mom. It broke my heart, but it gave me closure. Now I have had a year or more without her and never gave another lady a second glance. But I know better and I will never ever put myself out there like that again.

Bitterness aside... I hope that she is happy and that in some way she will not forget me.

Just move on. Find someone else. You will learn that there is always someone out there who is better than the one before. It will just take lots of time and self examination.

[badboykilla]

Originally posted by brucedub71


Just move on. Find someone else. You will learn that there is always someone out there who is better than the one before. It will just take lots of time and self examination.

You sir...are a very smart man. Word of advice to any girl/guy who reads this....THIS IS THE TRUTH..and nothin but the TRUTH. Believe or....