Are Good Men Really Hard To Find?

[Nice Girl]

We have heard this and many other similar terms time and time again, but is it a reality?

Are good men extinct or are they all taken to say the least?
Many of us ....men and women can indeed testify to the facts that:
1. We at time sell ourselves short
2. Got involved because we do not like to be alone
3. Try to change our partners
4. Got involved when we have baggages to fill UPS' storage facility.
5. Relied on others to determine if he/she is the one..... and the list goes on.
6. Intimidate others due to education etc.

Ladies/Gentlemen are you still looking for Mr/Miss Right?
Who do we consider to be our perfect match?
What intimidates you about the opposite sex?
Are your priorities preventing you from Mr/Miss Right?

I am still looking
My perfect match would be a man who loves me and accept me for who I am
Nothing intimidates me in a relationship because I am not afraid to ask or go after what I want.
My priorities used to prevent me from seriously looking.

[AlexAnt]

Are good men extinct or are they all taken to say the least?
I only want to reply to this part... I don't think good men/women are extinct. I think the problem is the unclear definition of "good." I think when people say that all good men or women are extinct, the problem is that their standards are too high. When asked to describe their ideal partner, a person might say something like, "I want someone caring and genuine who will love and respect me." But what if that person is ugly, wears ratty clothes, is missing several teeth, didn't graduate from high school, hasn't a job or a car, doesn't wear deodorant and doesn't realize how stinky he/she is, etc.? There are tons and tons of perfectly good people out there who would love to fix their flaws if only others would help them. There are just as many who have unfixable flaws that could be worked around or compensated for in other ways.

It's like buying a stereo - you can buy one shiny and new and get that great experience of taking it out of the box and unwrapping it and smelling that new-electronics smell, or you can buy one refurbished, save money, and still get a stereo that is technically every bit as good as a new one with the exception of perhaps a few scratches/dents/scuffs/etc. (which of course vary in severity depending on the stereo). Most people prefer to buy new, though, because... well, they just do, so there you go.

So, yes, I think too-high, inflexible standards in addition to extreme selectivity in scoping out the ideal mate is what usually leads one to the conclusion that there are no "good" men/women left.

Alex

[Karbonopsinos]

While I agree that accepting a person for who she or he is is theoretically "nice" I don't think it's effective for two reason:

1.) If a person is not attracted to who you ARE, but what you look like, what you have, etc., then there's not going to be any love.

2.) That said, change is not such a bad thing. If a girl could point out to me and tell me to my face and say "I would be very attracted to you were you not _________ (selfish, crude, nasty, etc.) I might reflect and if I see that she has a point, I would change.

I DON'T want to be accepted for who I am by the woman I love. I want her to try to find ways to improve my character and point that out and I will do vice versa. Relationships should develop the character of the individual members in a positive way. Anything static doesn't seem to be a relationship.

[Nice Girl]

If some people get together in order to improve each others character, then I smell trouble.
It's okay and nice if that is what you like or prefer but............... some people do not want to change.... and if they do, some go right back to their "comfort zone" eventually.

Usually when a lady says 'accept me for who I am"........ she is clearly saying, I am trusting, respectful, honest, beautiful, ready for love and its quest and I am not into playing games etc. But some men interpret this as a challenge and move on because it is easier to play (no offense intended).

"I DON'T want to be accepted for who I am by the woman I love. I want her to try to find ways to improve my character and point that out and I will do vice versa."

While I agree with your statement above, men/women do sometimes feel as though that there are certain character/maturity each other should bring to the table when it comes to relationships. Some people actually expect the other to pick up where their parents left off or lacked.

As I said earlier, no offense to your likes etc., but I am looking at the big picture and calling it as I see it.

[Karbonopsinos]

-While I agree with your statement above, men/women do sometimes feel as though that there are certain character/maturity each other should bring to the table when it comes to relationships. Some people actually expect the other to pick up where their parents left off or lacked.

Yes, I agree in this respect. Perhaps I wasn't clear. There are many character traits that are neither "good" nor "bad"; they're just variable. I want someone to accept me for that. I'm a shy guy. If a girl keeps on harping how I must become a leader and a boss, I will probably be turned off. However, if a girl points out something that's clearly wrong, I will be thankful to her.

[Nice Girl]

Nice to know at least you are one of the few who knows exactly what you expect out of a serious relationship.

Personally, my expectations are not too high because I know exactly what I want and that people are humans. What is sometimes sad though, is the unnecessary/painful roads we often trod in order to be happy.

[Thenoisefrom551]

I have a simple and pretty effective way of meeting good people.

1) I like myself – I’m not perfect but am pretty flexible. I’m not looking to be molded into something else. I find good people like people that like themselves and I don’t have time for a women looking to mold me in the image of someone else or some fantasy man.

2) I am friendly and talk to a lot of people. This helps in two ways. First you can’t really tell anything about a person just by looking at them and second, each time you interact with a woman it becomes a little easier. I like to think of it as practicing for the big one – plus its fun.

3) I go to places where I am likely to find a women that I would want to spend time with – church outings, concerts, museums, book stores, coffee shops, classes or whatever. I don’t really get into the bar scene and am not a meat market kind of guy – so I can’t really see looking to meet someone there.

4) I don’t put up with any garbage -- Life is too short to stay in a relationship with someone that is abusive, controlling or that makes you feel bad about yourself. This last point also includes people that don’t like themselves or have other issues.

Extinct…not even close. I think the world is full of good people or at least my small corner of the world is…

TNF551

[AlexAnt]

I think the world is full of good people or at least my small corner of the world is…
Yes, I've also found that most of the good people tend to coalesce in the fifth floors of buildings that overlook parking lots... :)

[meg]

I think there are many wonderful men out there! And of course women ( laughs ) Just because he/she is what we would classify as good, doesn't mean that is the right person for us.

I would like to think we date people that are good and share in the same interest. I have met many wonderful men over the years. I have been unable to give my heart completely to one. This is probably my problem, I seem to have committment phobia.

It could be that I haven't met the right one. It could be that some people are meant to be single in life. ( I hope that isn't my case ) I'm content with my life, I have many goals to reach and two little girls to raise. When that good man comes along and has a desire to share in those dreams and goals and it feels right, in my mind and heart, maybe I will lose my fear. Meg

[Thenoisefrom551]

I've also found that most of the good people tend to coalesce in the fifth floors of buildings that overlook parking lots...

HHMMMmmmm... Maybe you are right... Please disregard my last post... I think it might be a lot easier if everyone just packed up and moved to the 5th floor...

TNF551
;)

[Nice Girl]

I am in the packing lot! lol

[AlexAnt]

Originally posted by Nice Girl
I am in the packing lot! lol
At least you're not in the parking lot... :)

[meg]

In Ohio, it's the 6th floor -- got my bags packed!!! laughing

[meg]

( looks down, and waves to Nice Girl ) Cmon up!! Laughing

[Nice Girl]

(Nice Girl waves back to Meg from the parking lot)

Save me an office on the fifth floor or better yet, the sixth floor!

[meg]

It's complete with padded walls and a throne! LMAO