Here's a tough one...

[The Dude]

Ok,
I have known this girl for 2 years and we have been going out for about a month now. But it has come to my attention that she has a problem with feeling insecure and wories about loosing me.

In the articles on this website under the "Seduction" category it suggsts that you find the one thing that your mate wants/needs to be happy in a relationship and give it to them. I figure that one of the things that my girlfriend needs is security.

Here's the tough part... how can I provide her with security? What are some creative things I can do? I am just looking for some general sugestions here.

Thanks

[hopeless1]

you cant give her security it takes awhile to get it was she in a relationship before you were she was in love or really liked a guy and then he left her? if so talk to her about it tell her that you will never do that to her and that you have her back 100% in what ever she does.. tell her that you love to make her happy and you would never leave her side ...you cant by security like i said before... security= trust she has to trust you frist before anything....

[JEnSTaYzDaNcInG]

well you see Dude i can say that i relate to your girlfriend..you see i know my boyfriend loves me but for some reason i still feel insecure..i feel as if he's going to turn around and leave with the next girl he sees is better than me..he tells me that he'll never leave me and all but for some reason i still don't feel secure..here's the catch if you want your girl to feel secure tell her how she's so much better than your ex's,tell her nobody compares to her,embrace her often and compliment her often..my boyfriend says things like that and it makes me feel so secure..as a matter of fact makes me think like he's should be the one feeling insecure..give it a try i think it'll help...

[sugarbabe]

You can only do your best to make her feel secure, but the rest is up to her. Insecurity can result from low self-esteem, or past hurts in a relationship. She eventually has to learn to trust and want to change. Do everything possible to reassure her that she is safe with you and that you will not try to hurt her, but she has to make an equal effort to change or your attempts will be futile.

[Pandora1980]

On thing that makes a lot of girls insecure is talking about other girls in front of them. My boyfriend did that, it really bothered me- he didn't want to be with the other girls but would point out that one looked like she had a boob job or something. He'd also talk about his exes sometimes, not in a pining way but stories about them. It really bothered me but I asked him to stop and I feel a lot better about us now.
Showing lots of attention to her helps a lot too, just show her through actions that you want to be with her.
Another problem I had with my boyfriend is that I think he's the hottest guy I ever dated, I felt a lot more secure with the less attractive guys b/c I didn't think other girls were a threat.
Try to control talk about other girls, make her feel special, ask her if she knows why she feels insecure, and try to fix it unless it's an insane request.

[MajorMax]

Dude, this is NOT a problem. Far from it! You WANT her to worry about losing you!
However, you ALSO want to provide her with security. You see, she must always be aware of the fact that she COULD lose you if she messes up (otherwise she may start to give you bull , ie. cancel dates, standing you up etc.) BUT ALSO she must feel secure around you. This is one of the reasons why women like tall guys - they feel more secure around them. So anyway, if this is the problem ask away and I'll tell you how to provide her with security, but if she's just on her tippy-toes, careful not to lose you, that's not something you need to worry about.

[MyMatt2003]

I had a previous g/f that was insecure and did the exact samething your girlfriend is doing.. But the thing with that is that the fact that they are inscecure.. (so hard to explain) What I mean is that a insecure girl can lose feelings for you very fast! Don't ask me why.. It happened to me and 2 of my friends.. though like the previous poster said it, it could be good and in some cases it could be better. But don't get comfortable because, those feelings can be turn the complete opposite at ANYTIME (trust me I would know) :( Well Good Luck and I wish you the best! ;)

[quipnot]

You can't be secure in a relationship unless you feel secure in your own skin.

[BriarRose]

Security in a relationship can't really be created. Your girlfriend will either be secure with you and trust you or she wont. I used to be the insecure type and it never had anything to do with the guy I was seeing. It had to do with an ex who had cheated on me with my best freind. In time I've gotten over that, but it took 7 years and a few more cheaters for me to realize that I have to just close my eyes and trust.

Does your girlfriend have a reason to be insecure? A past bad relationship, divorced or cheating parents, have you done something that might make her insecure? Some people just take a long time trusting, and some will always be suspicious. You just have to do your best to let your girlfreind know that she is the only one for her. So.... please dont mention other girls you hand out with in front of her, or hot women you've met or fantasies about famous women, it will make her feel as if they are your first choice, not her. Spend time with her. Invite her to hang out with your guy freinds, let her be a part of your whole life (if only for a couple of times.... I know you dont want her with you ALL the time) she needs to know that you think of her, talk about her and love her even when she is not there, and that she is always first in your thoughts. (if she isn't you might want to think about whather that is the reason she is insecure) That should help her be a lot more secure.

If this doesn't help, maybe nothing you do will help. It is obviously something to do with her. Get her to talk to someone outside of the relationship.
Best of luck to you

;)

[quipnot]

Nice advise, Briar Rose

[ticklesuzy]

For me, security has alot of meanings. You didn't say how well you knew her before? If you knew her well enough that you feel like this is "new" insecurities, then you need to figure out what the two of you need to be stronger and more clear about. If this is not new then I have to agree with others who said you can work to help her feel more secure at times but she'll have to really do it herself.