Nice guy vs Mean guy

[MyMatt2003]

Hello, I'm kinda new to this,
but I wanted to ask this.. why does the mean guy always win?
especially in my case.. I know it might be out of arrogance to say that i'm a nice guy... because I believe its the matter of a opinion of someone else to consider someone a nice guy.. but I know I treat a girl a lot better then alot of people I know.. I'm polite, I'm well mannered.. I focus on the girl I talked to her, I show respect I dress very casual and here I see another guy on the other hand who doesn't show any respect.. who disrespects the girl and shows no proper manners, he swears at the girl, drinks does drugs etc and looks like everytime they go out and yet the girl keeps coming back..
I mean can someone explain this to me??
or what am I doing wrong?
I just can't figure it out... :confused:

[hopeless1]

lol

to us the mean guy is going to stand up for us we think that will make us feel safe and never hurt us and the nice guy there afriad to start a fight for us thats why

[Gan]

Who ever said the nice guy wouldn't ever stand up for his girl?!? I'd consider myself a nice guy, but if someone crossed anyone I care about (not just a girlfriend but friends too) I'd give em something to think about. If I was a girl, I'd rather be with a nice guy who treats me right than a pig of a man who does drugs and is completely up himself.

You'll usually find that a lot of mean guys are actually good looking, and they usually get whatever they want. The meanness comes from them being spoilt in this respect. I know it really sucks, but that's the way it works. In the end though, mean guys always end up in broken relationships, whereas nice guys end up being in long, enjoyable relationships.

-Gan

[Karbonopsinos]

I think that, personally, all this nice guy/mean guy talk is a load of bs.

I totally agree with you Gan. I'm really wondering where these women have invented that the "nice guy" or whatever that is, would not be "protective" as they put it.

Personally, I think a lot of these women are actually looking for a belligerent type of guy who PICKS fights, not one who looks to avoid them unless UNAVOIDABLE. I think they have a silly view that avoiding fights for intelligent and civilized reasons is a sign of cowardice.

This is what Mahatma Gandhi had to say about that:

"I do believe that where there is a choice only between cowardice and violence I would advise violence."

By the way, the truly brave are generally silent people, generally "nice people", who show their nobility in times of difficulty. These are not the people who swagger and beat up kids in the school. Such people are primitive punks. Not to be arrogant, but I think my grandparents belong to this class of the "truly brave." These were people who survived expulsion and massacre, people who joined the partisans in WWII to fight against the Nazis, people who set their life, their career, their families on the line to fight for what they believed was right. In this process, they lost brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, and even children. Both my grandpa and grandma. That's bravery. Not those druggie punks parading around and playing tough.

In any case, women are trying to find a reason for their natural attraction to the appealing mean guy. The real reason is that this guy comes across as being more masculine because he's more arrogant and more aggressive. The only thing is, they don't realize that if he's that way to everyone else, he's likely to be like that to her as well.

A gentle reminder to these girls. The mean guy will stand up for you, if he does even that, because:

1.) He's aggressive and likes fighting.

2.) He thinks you belong to him and so he's only defending what's his. Not because he loves YOU but because he just wants to keep his property (often for sexual reasons).

Proof? A guy that "loves" you is not going to run around drunk and do drugs, is not going disrepect you, and won't curse at you. People who love don't do that.

Gan, as to your second point, again, right on. The mean guys are the good-looking ones, have overinflated egos (give me a break, it's just looks; not virtue, intelligence, talent, or accomplishment). These are the players, as are the bitches. They end up in the emotional gutter.

[hopeless1]

Ooh gan sorry babe didnt mean to get you mad or anthing ok

[Mouth of God]

Counter the mean guy with the caring and virtuous guy...
Thats pretty much the way i live you make alot of girlFRIENDS. Which to me is the best, nothing i love more then talking to pretty girls. Not sure why i just get hyponotized listening to them plus they trust me and listen to me so when i say "dont go out with that guy hes gonna play you" they listen.
Something about me is just wierd like i have my own uncontrollable agenda i just ride the wind as i call it.
Sometimes you gotta be heroic which is my favorite part cause i love when girls go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw and i really love fighting for a good cause. Like for example i like going up to this place called pennhurst (a place in pottstown which is deemed haunted by the potheads of pottstown)
I sit in this one tree near one of the supposed haunted school houses (like 20 kids were killed by their teacher in it)
And i just talk to the groups of people who come around their in the late hours. This one time like 6 people came and this one pretty hot girl was getting harassed by her wigger boy friend and because i hate phoneys and because im so damn scrappy i was like "Dude if she doesnt wanna suck your dick you outta just drop it" and he told me to stfu and mind my own business meanwhile another group of people who i ALWAYS talk to obviously heard the conflict and was like "yo man white chocolates gonna get his ass kicked" this boosted my morale and i was like "i was just giving advice" he quickly responds with "yo i told you to stfu".
i started to laugh alittle and said "you have a bad attitude man" so he started to come up to me like he was gonna hit me prolly thinking he was gonna intimidate me (no one yet has ever managed to come even close to beating me in a fight) so i said "oh cmon man you gotta relax alittle i wasnt trying to start a fight" moment i said this he got ready to hit me (i could tell) and i laid in a good 4 hits on him (2 with each arm). Besides the fact he fell over in 4 hits he also fell down in the funniest method i have ever witnessed...First he fell on his ass,then he grabbed his face almost as if he was checking if it really happened,then he fell backwards and lied flat on his back. My friends were laughing so hard and this punks girl friend smiled at me then went over to her boyfriend and pretended like she cared...we talked alittle bit and by nights end i made another friend.
The moral to this story is the bad guys only get the girls til they run into someone who isnt afraid of them...

[shuxclams]

"and i laid in a good 4 hits on him (2 with each arm). Besides the fact he fell over in 4 hits he also fell down in the funniest method i have ever witnessed...First he fell on his ass,then he grabbed his face almost as if he was checking if it really happened,then he fell backwards and lied flat on his back. My friends were laughing so hard and this punks girl friend smiled at me then went over to her boyfriend and pretended like she cared...we talked alittle bit and by nights end i made another friend.
The moral to this story is the bad guys only get the girls til they run into someone who isnt afraid of them..."

Then your not a "Nice Guy", you sound by your own description to be an arrogant immature a$$. Phyisical altercations are not a measure of a man, and you sound if you have the wrong measuring implements.
Practice a little humility and watch these supposed "mean guys" disapear into thin air.
I recently was looking at an attractive woman, her "boyfriend" puffed his chest and said "Like what you see" in a threatening tone, I looked him in the eye and said, "your girlfreind is very attractive, of course I do." and smiled. He didnt know what to do and their was no fight, nor would there be. I guess in time you will learn that there is always someone bigger meaner stronger and more willing to go the distance than you are, count your blessings that you havent met that person yet. :)








SHUX

[meg]

Most of the threads involving nice guy/ mean guy/bad boys etc...
The guys are concerned with the women they want to attract...
You have no clue who these women/girls are...Has it ever occured to any of you that it's a personality flaw with her and it has nothing to do with you and your actions? Meg

[Karbonopsinos]

Yes it has! Quite recently!

I too was thinking all about this nice boy/mean guy crap, until I realized that if a woman is willing to date/like a punk/druggie/sex-whore/bully, etc. that woman is NOT FOR ME.

Now the world is broken up into mean guys who date trashy girls, and the decent girl who are looking for something better.

[shuxclams]

You have no clue who these women/girls are...Has it ever occured to any of you that it's a personality flaw with her and it has nothing to do with you and your actions?

Certianly a woman who would be attracted to any of these is not someone who I would be attracted to, beyond the physical, nor them to me, not even a consideration.










SHUX

[meg]

ahhhh....I so love it when people agree with me! -- laughs

Makes me wonder how much respect they have for themselves if their willing to be with such idiots... Meg

[anothersteve]

I've noticed a definite correlation between someone's appearance and their character. Attractive people are generally more confident and don't really have much need to make an effort with their personality to have success with the opposite sex. Really attractive people are often arrogant to the extreme. Plain or unattractive people have to compensate for their shortcomings in appearance by being very pleasant and polite. Yes, there are going to be exceptions to this rule and I'm just stating the general case. So, it really comes down to appearnce and the nice guy/nasty guy things is a red herring.

Agree? Disagree?

Steve

[Karbonopsinos]

The situation is a bit more complex than that. Arrogance doesn't always stem from appearance. It can stem from pedigree, from education, from intellectual accomplishment, from prestige, from fame, from wealth, from talent, from athleticism, etc.

A whole stream of things can promote arrogance. Looks are indeed one of them. If a person is aware of their good looks, s/he often becomes arrogant. If not, then usually not.

In any case, I've realized that it doesn't really matter. Yes, it's true, both nice girls and bitches are often initially attracted to mean guys, but the nice girls realize that it's just appearance and they can cut to the core. Same thing with guys, who, whether they are decent people or b*stards, are drawn to beautiful women, regardless of their character. They too, in time, learn to separate the bitches and the good people when it comes to relationships.

In the end, good people pair up with other good people; and bitches pair up with jerks. Oftentimes, the bitch-jerk marriages end in divorce. Very rarely, a decent person pairs up with a bitch/jerk and this typically leads to abuse. Nice women married to mean guys are often so downtrodden and naive that they do not flee the relationship before it becomes abusive, whereas bitches anticipate it, since they think in he same way, and they will be all too eager to flee before any signs of abuse. But then again, there are the exceptions....

[voland]

I totally disagree that being attractive (and knowing it) will make you arrogant.

I think that woman who say they are attracted to "nice guys" are full of sh*t.

Abusive men are seen (by women) as being very confident and manly... nice guys are seen as wimps.

Wimps make poor "breeding" material any way that you slice it. Believe it or not, people still are instinctual animals; people have been living on this earth for millions of years and only recently (about 10,000 ago) have we become "civilized." Which means that women, whether they want to or not, find arressive men attractive because millions of years of instinct tell them (subconsciencely) that that man's baby will grow up to be strong and thrive in a tough world. Survival of the human species is what it's all about... BABY!

.angelfire. /rebellion/nabis

[Karbonopsinos]

Really?

Yes, of course they're full of sh*t.

But the strangest thing is that it is precisely the nice guys and the nerds who have brought us to where we are. It was the nice guys and the nerds who settled down and decided to domesticate animals, to invent the wheel and writing (the most important inventions of man, both by the Sumerians), not to mention the art, architecture, biology, chemistry, physics, math, invention, literature, philosophy, and music that would follow.

And the leader's of this world also were nerds since long age........even Alexander the Great's teacher was Aristotle.

You would think that women would finally get it into their head that, on a one-to-one fight, guns are much more important than muscles, and that on the global scale, both are irrelevent, and only the machinations of those who hold the economic strings of the world (i.e. nerds) really decide how the middle class will live.

[voland]

You are absolutely right about the "nerds" and "wimps" controlling the world (I'm not sure what your point is). It could be that the men who aren't successful with the ladies compensate by directing their attentions elsewhere, i.e., building grand structures, running the government, etc.. Personally, It think that some men are born with a more serious nature and therefore have little tolerance for the silly games people play when it comes to love/sex.

[Karbonopsinos]

Yes. Which is also the reason why unattractive women are more likely to rise to power or in academia. They don't have to deal with men flocking around them.

On the other hand, that creates other problems, like loads feminist baggage at colleges and a militaristic viciousness and cunning that rivals that of men (Thatcher, Bhutto, Albright, Ciller, Catherine the Great, Maria Theresa).

[garage sale]

Well, I'll tell you what.

I've never had a boyfriend, but I've had a fair share of "crushes" (most whom I never had the guts to even "ask out" or "tell" them that I liked them).

I'll seperate them into two groups:
1. Teenbopper naivity
2. A little less shallow

Group 1 were the class clowns, the popular guys, the ones girls flocked to because they were cute, and they were funny. They barely paid me attention, yet I still was so nice, and would do all this stuff for them, etc. Some of them were complete a$$holes.

Group 2 were my first two guy friends who actually cared about me as a person. We often refered to each other in terms of "best friend." Favors and gifts were not one-sided. They respected me, and gave me the time of day. They were both very nice and sweet, and major geeks/nerds (one is the Valenvictorian for my class). They aren't exactly the hottest things that walked the earth (althought Mr. Valenvictorian is cuter than the other), but to be honest, it doesn't really matter all that much to me. I fell for them 109093284934 times more than Group 1. If one of my previous crushesl, for some odd & strange reason, asked me out, I would turn them down in a heartbeat. I don't care how popular they are-- that doesn't make them a good boyfriend. However, if one of the two guys in group 2 asked me out, I would definitely consider it, because they are the ones that turn me into goo. (and supposividly, I'm "over" all of my crushes, but I definitely prefer the nice guys from group 2 than the a$$holes from group 1. So tell me I'm fake, but it's true.)

Then again, I'm not exactly Miss Hottie myself, so I don't expect the a$$holes to have anything to do with me. I can barely get them to remember my name--I don't need that.

Anyway,this is a very interesting thread and I'd like to say more...........but I gotta go do some junk.

[elgilicious]

You just don't want to be too mean. In junior high school, a girl once said to me "do you know why the girls don't like you? because you're so mean!!!" In other words, as a child, I was mean to everyone. The girls thought I was an asshole, and the guys wouldn't mess with me. One girl was extremely sexually attracted to me, but I ed it up by being too mean.

In other words, a jerk is a jerk to OTHER PEOPLE. The guys who mistreat girls don't get anywhere. TRUST me. I don't put girls on pedestals, however--I still treat some of them a little rough because they like it.

[badboykilla]

I think CONFIDENCE is a trait that women desire in a man. Arrogance will repel women. if youre confident, they will be attracted to you.

(What's so wrong with having a few drinks and lighting up a joint once in a while?????)

[hmmchacha]

If I think that a guy seems more interested in hooking up than friendship, then regardless of whether he is nice/mean or has many desirable traits, I will find it a huge turn-off. I actually find it slightly insulting, to be pursued for looks alone. (But i don't take it personally;) ) Such a guy doesn't stand a chance.

But if a guy offers friendship when he thinks there's no chance of anything else (particularly if he tried and failed)...then he's adorable. I'd want him. It's that simple.

[idunno]

I once had someone tell me in highschool that she couldnt imagine me going out with anyone because i'd "be too nice to them". Highschool came and went and i didnt go out with anyone, i dunno if for that reason but...

[badboykilla]

Women don't want men that are "nice", "sensitive", or more bluntly pushovers....

[Especially4Her]

That's an easy one... any woman that would allow herself to be mistreated has low self esteem. Perhaps she was abused as a child and feels she is not worthy of a good man because she feels as though she is a bad girl?

Just a thought,

Peggy

[dewshine]

This is an interesting thread...

From my experience, which I admit isn't the "norm", but is however relevant to this thread. I was an abused child...ok so many of us were (not looking for sympathy, just a fact). Many of us abused girls (which is one in four by 18 according to statistics) grow up used to abuse, therefore we go with men that are abusive because that's what we know. For me at least, it started young so my whole concept of love vs. sex were seriously impaired as well as appropriate behavior in a relationship. Also, I did date (and even married one) men that were abusive, maybe not physically or sexually....but emotionally and mentally. It's hard, but not impossible to break this cycle, it took me a long time.

Anyhow a few years ago I met a man that was a "nice guy". We got along great, spent time together, but I didn't want to date him (I don't think I was ready to break the chain yet, that's the only reason I can come up with). After I split with my ex-husband I got the chance to date this man and I did. We are still friends, even though we weren't suited for each other anymore.

I only hope that I continue to date "nice guys" and not fall back into the old habit.