he has a problem with commitment

[CelesteDeVive]

My boyfriend and I recently broke up because he felt that he was not ready for a relationship. I understand this but we have been talking for a long time and I thought that he had figured this out since he waited so long to actually make it official. He told me that he really likes me and that I am important to him but that he is not ready for a long term relationship, he doesn't know what he is afraid of. Can anyone help me out? I think he is being legit but I am not sure and also, I am willing to wait for him, that is how important he is too me. Is there anything I can do to let him know this without seeming pushy or obsessive? I appreciate anything you can give me.

[Velvet]

hi CelesteDeVive,

How old are you and him? What is he doing now?

[CelesteDeVive]

Velvet,

I am 19 and he is 20. Young I know. But I can't help that. Right now I guess he is trying to figure this all out. I don't know.

[Byron]

Hi CelesteDeVive,

If a guy really love you, he will find a way to be with you, no matter if he is ready or not. I can't help but get the feeling that he is trying to say he likes you and wants you to be around when he needs you but he is not willing to put in the effort and time to build a long term relationship.

Some other thing is more important to him now. Unless he has some really important tasks to do, for example, taking care of a terminally sick family member, not ready for a long term relationship means he only want a short term relationship with you.

If a guy is studying for some important examination or busy building his career, the thought of working hard so he can have the life he wants, with the girl he loves, should motivate him to work even harder. If i madly in love with the girl, I will not tell her that i am not ready. I will work hard and make sure we are together.

Let him go. If he really love you, he will come back to you.

Heard of the song "Butterfly" by Mariah Carey? If you really love someone so deeply, set him free like a butterfly. You must be ready that he may never returns. But if he should return to you, then the two of you are truly meant to be.

But don't just take my advice. Cos you didn't mention his reasons for not wanting a long term relationship. You need to judge for yourself and think if his reason is reasonable to you. He may really has some important obligations to fullfill now. You need to judge that. Think if you are willing to wait for him to make up his mind. A guy is ready when he made up his mind. When he made up his mind, his heart will then be filled with resolve to achieve what his mind has conceived. How can you make him make up his mind? Leave him. Let him go. If he really love you, he will come back to you.

You must ask him for his reasons and judge for yourself.

[CelesteDeVive]

Thank you Byron, that is very good advice. Deep down I knew that but sometimes emotions cloud judgement. I really want this to work out. Yesterday we took the time to go somewhere neutral and talk. He told me that he thinks that we are each meant for someone else but he wants us to stay close and be friends. I am willing to live with that. But as I told him, I refuse to give up hope. I will drop the subject with him and focus on being the best confidant I can be. I figure the best way to show him how much I care is to be there for him no matter what without being in his face with all of this. I have adopted a new philosophy because of this now, "Love like you have never been hurt. Dance like the music will never stop." Thanks again Byron, you're a very wise man.