What Does this mean? Does he like me or is he looking for some a$s only?

[MizBluEyez]

I've liked this guy for about a month i guess and I confronted his friend and told him. Where his friend told him, that is when I started to talk to on the net. Then one day he was saying how he wanted oral sex and crap. So i was kinda confused and felt kind of nervous and felt like he might like me if i didnt do it so i said yes, but refused to do more. Yet, then 1 day he IMs me saying how i am a "ho" and crap. But, i didnt even perform oral sex or anything with him at the time or at all, so i was completely confused. So we just stopped talkin after that for a week.
Then i ended up being in his softball class on a new term. So, then he starts to IM me again and asks when im going to do oral sex to him. Where i get aggravated at him and start to yell at him saying how i thought he thought i was a "ho" and stuff. After i yelled at him, he kept saying sorry and was begging me, and said he would do anything, which sounds pretty pathetic. Yet, i guess i still had some feelings for him at the time, that just blinded me from any of his flaws, so i started to be nice after he was sayin sorry and pleaded. Then i said maybe, I'll think about it. So then after weeks of talking, and him consistently staring at me in the halls and in class, i actually gave him oral sex, which was my very first time, and was a scary experience for me. Rumors were spread about us 2 and crap, but hey, why would it matter to me what others think, all that matters is what i think of myself. Yet, this guy still keeps looking at me alottt. We continued to talk and stuff. Now he wants to have sex wit me and stuff. Yet, in person he rarely talks to me in person. If hez interested wouldnt he go up to me and say "hi" and stuff? He claims hez shy and stuff. i just wished he would talk to me more in person instead of the computer and on the phone. I mean he stares at me for long periods of time, and his friends look at me too at times when hes staring at me and they talk. Today it was really weird. When iwas in my free period, he decided he would cut..i alwayz see him around when im in the halls at the same time during free periods and stuff, and hez alwayz staring at me and he kept freezing everytime he saw me and stared at me- we have alot of eye contact at times,and one time wen i walked into his class to get headphones i left wit my friend-which was a music class- it turns out he was in there right by the piano and froze to look at me and wasnt playing anything at the time, then wen we were waiting for the teacher he looked at me and started to play " U remind me of a girl" by Usher, and smiled at me- that is when i left, and when he iss with his friends they would talk amongst themselves and all stare at me, to the point one of his friends just walked by me to look at me and gave me eye contact..it was really weird. What does this all mean? How can i make him open up and talk to me more and come up to me.

oyy..im so confused

[insecurity]

I personally think you should kick this fool to the kerb. For starters , he has called you a ho. Secondly he was direct in asking for oral sex. Nah, that aint right. If you like someone you should at least have a shread of manners & at least have the decency of trying to find out who you really are. This guy sounds like a loser.
I am sure that you expect more from a partner (even on a casual basis). One day you will grow into a fine young lady, so expect nothing less than to be treated like one now.
I sincerely believe that you deserve better.

[Daisy814]

Get RID of this guy pronto!!

[Karbonopsinos]

You really are one pathetic little girl, mizblueeyes. How COULD you give oral to that bastard? That's why he called you a ho. You both disgust me...just reform and stay away from that creep!

[AlexAnt]

Here comes the sun, and I say, "It's alright."

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, the smiles returning to their faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear

Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo
Here comes the sun, and I say, "It's alright."

[Daisy814]

Originally posted by Karbonopsinos
You really are one pathetic little girl, mizblueeyes. How COULD you give oral to that bastard? That's why he called you a ho. You both disgust me...just reform and stay away from that creep!
That was out of line.

[hartattack2188]

.

[Gan]

Originally posted by hartattack2188
Karbonopsinos you are a ing loser....dont post here if you know nothing about anything....ive read ur other posts.

I don't know hartattack2188 - he did have a point.

-Gan

[Karbonopsinos]

No hartattack,

I'm right. Mizblueeyes obviously has no morals if she can give oral or any sex just as easy as that. That's why I said she should reform.

As for this guy, I repeat, he's just as bad as her. If I were in here place, personally, I would honk the sexual harassment horn and get that bastard into some hefty trouble.

Really, the very request for oral is outrageous.

The appeasing is even more degrading.

[AlexAnt]

People don't come here and post because they're looking to be insulted, Karb. If you have a comment to make, it would be nice if you would either keep it civil, or keep it to yourself. Your morals are yours and not necessarily anyone else's. If you disagree with that, feel free to explain why to MizBluEyez calmly and politely. I agree that she has some problems, but that doesn't give you any right to call her a "pathetic little girl," especially since she came here looking for wanting to improve and looking for advice. I don't think an apology would be unwarranted.

Alex

[Karbonopsinos]

Originally posted by MizBluEyez
I've liked this guy for about a month i guess and I confronted his friend and told him. Where his friend told him, that is when I started to talk to on the net. Then one day he was saying how he wanted oral sex and crap. So i was kinda confused and felt kind of nervous and felt like he might like me if i didnt do it so i said yes, but refused to do more. Yet, then 1 day he IMs me saying how i am a "ho" and crap. But, i didnt even perform oral sex or anything with him at the time or at all, so i was completely confused. So we just stopped talkin after that for a week.
Then i ended up being in his softball class on a new term. So, then he starts to IM me again and asks when im going to do oral sex to him. Where i get aggravated at him and start to yell at him saying how i thought he thought i was a "ho" and stuff. After i yelled at him, he kept saying sorry and was begging me, and said he would do anything, which sounds pretty pathetic. Yet, i guess i still had some feelings for him at the time, that just blinded me from any of his flaws, so i started to be nice after he was sayin sorry and pleaded. Then i said maybe, I'll think about it. So then after weeks of talking, and him consistently staring at me in the halls and in class, i actually gave him oral sex, which was my very first time, and was a scary experience for me. Rumors were spread about us 2 and crap, but hey, why would it matter to me what others think, all that matters is what i think of myself. Yet, this guy still keeps looking at me alottt. We continued to talk and stuff. Now he wants to have sex wit me and stuff. Yet, in person he rarely talks to me in person. If hez interested wouldnt he go up to me and say "hi" and stuff? He claims hez shy and stuff. i just wished he would talk to me more in person instead of the computer and on the phone. I mean he stares at me for long periods of time, and his friends look at me too at times when hes staring at me and they talk. Today it was really weird. When iwas in my free period, he decided he would cut..i alwayz see him around when im in the halls at the same time during free periods and stuff, and hez alwayz staring at me and he kept freezing everytime he saw me and stared at me- we have alot of eye contact at times,and one time wen i walked into his class to get headphones i left wit my friend-which was a music class- it turns out he was in there right by the piano and froze to look at me and wasnt playing anything at the time, then wen we were waiting for the teacher he looked at me and started to play " U remind me of a girl" by Usher, and smiled at me- that is when i left, and when he iss with his friends they would talk amongst themselves and all stare at me, to the point one of his friends just walked by me to look at me and gave me eye contact..it was really weird. What does this all mean? How can i make him open up and talk to me more and come up to me.

oyy..im so confused

1.) Mizblueeyes should have said no when this creep first suggested oral. He's practically a stranger.

2.) She yells, the bastard begs, and she agrees to give him oral and gives it.

3.) Now he wants sex and he doesn't even talk to her. Supposedly because of shyness. Yeah right. Too shy to talk, yet not to shy to f*ck.

Give me a break, both of these people are very messed up. But the girl doesn't need comforting (or insults) as she's said she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. She needs honest opinions. And the opinion I am putting forth may be harsh but it is one held by a great many, and I think she knows that.

Perhaps you, AlexAnt, believe in moral relativism, but I don't. And I feel really bad for this girl who is on the verge of having sex (and giving up her virginity, I surmise) to someone who won't even talk or look at her, and thinks she's a "ho" to boot. So I'll tell her what I think she should do and she can listen or she can reject that's her choice.

Whatever....I don't know what kind of a world I'm living in, in which oral is acceptable with strangers and young girls have sex with boys who won't even talk to them and outright call them whores.....really twisted if you ask me.

[AlexAnt]

I'm not questioning your beliefs, Karb. The fact that your beliefs are unique compared to many others here is a good thing which I believe contributes to the diversity of opinions on the boards.

I'm questioning your tact. There is a difference between calling someone a "pathetic little girl" and, for example, explaining what you think she should be doing differently in a constructive way. I'm not defending MizBluEyez' actions. You, however, were out of line in insulting her. However morally lacking you think she is, I think you owe her an apology - not for voicing your opinion, but for doing so so incredibly callously and rudely.

Alex

[WhaWhaWha]

I see there isn't an age restriction for this board. Perhaps there should be a section for young people who need advice from more experienced adults.

MzBlue - noone can judge you for your actions except you yourself. Please pay no attention to anyone advising you in that regard. In fact you are confused about the outcome of some regrettable actions and still value the opinion of the boy who is the source of your misery. I would say that your morality is in check. It's your esteem that needs a spit-shine.

Don't be too hard on yourself for giving in to a request for physical love. It's in our nature to seek approval - first from our parents and eventually from our peers. A very dangerous instinct for teenagers who lack the tools to deal with situations like being pressured for sex. We sometimes value the opinions of the wrong people and learn the hard way who those people are. The best most common example of bad judgement is giving in to sexual demands from a guy so he will like you. You thought there would be love in the bargain and discovered there isnt. If your partner cannot like you while he is waiting for you to be comfortable with sex, then he is likely not the one for you. I waited two years for my high school girlfriend to be ready. She was eventually ready and caught me off guard. She took control too. We eventually married, and had two daughters... But I digress...

If you learn one thing from this thread I hope it will be that love is unconditional. When you are ready to be intimate with a loving partner you will know it because your comfort and joy will have no opposition. Your eye contact will not have you recoiling in horror over the piano keyboard but rather shifting to a schoolgirl's blush.

Even the guy who was with you has a bit to learn. Understanding him will enable you to deal with him better in pressure situations. You need to learn ways to confidently and diplomatically reassure him that you like him just fine but are not ready for sex. A young boys feelings of adequacy also come from approval. One of those forms of approval is his ability to attract a girl (or in some cases another boy, but again I digress). Even a horny boy is human believe it or not. Feelings of guilt in realizing he is violating a girls principals will eventually lead him to feel some shame - especially if he knows he has manipulated her. He may not be able to face that shame so to avoid facing it he will transfer the blame back to her - thus the name calling (HO and so forth...).

MzBlue - You may not agree with me now, but if you are worried about saving face or doing damage control in this case then for starters you must keep your chin up. Do not express shame over your regrets openly. That will perpetuate his need to transfer the blame back to you. If he does this anyway then tell him two important things. 1. His feelings are his problem. and 2. Your experience is now ancient history and a mistake that will not be repeated.

If necessary you may have to tell him these things more than once and in earshot of his friends. He may resort to blabbing and it may get back to you through people you dont want to hear it from. You may need to resort to repeating these things to them behind his back as well. There is nothing wrong with that as long as you arent saying anything else about him. Two wrongs after all dont make a right. Hold your ground and he will eventually need to resort to alternate means to deal with his feelings but he will learn to leave you out of it.

Good luck.

[Ms Dynamite]

Karbo > Don't you think that's a little harsh?
Mizblueeyes> You need to get rid of him. He's taking advantage of you liking him. I take it you are quite inexperienced in the way of dating? Trust me, you don't need him.:teleport:

[Karbonopsinos]

No, I don't think it was harsh in the least.

The girl GAVE this guy oral. She is partly to blame. If she kept her distance she wouldn't be in the position she is now. You can't just go running around giving oral to whomever you fancy.

Again, I agree, this guy is a loser because:

1.) He called her a ho after asking for oral.

2.) He accepted the oral.

3.) He won't even talk to her.

4.) He's demanding sex.

And she's wrong becuase:

1.) She did not kick the bastard away when he requested oral.

2.) She gave him oral.

3.) She's even considering having sex with him.

Give me a break, this guy wants nothing but sex and the girl is so blinded up by infatuation that she can't even see it.

One more time, Mizblueyez...stay away from the monster, he will wreck you up....you will be messed up emotionally, physically, mentally.....and once again, reform. You shouldn't be giving oral or any kind of sex to just anyone who asks, it's just not right....

[WhaWhaWha]

Karb -- Save your sanctimony for the religious-zealot chat forums that nurture chowderheads like you. Noone wants to see it here. If you want to quote from the bible, why not start with "Judge not lest ye be judged", or something to that effect.

You lack the remotest understanding of basic human instinct. You have no compassion. Your tact and civility have already been discussed by Alexant. Just go away.

MzBlue - There is no question you need to distance yourself from this boy until you have sorted out your feelings for him. In the mean time if he is manipulating you then dump him. If he is behaving himself and you still want to see him and are confused, then seek the advice you need but do not look to others to decide for you. And while working through this dont let anyone tell you that his and your desires are anything less than normal.

Good Luck
Wha

[Karbonopsinos]

And you have written such a pampery little essay so mzblue can feel great. it's all about feeling great, isn't it? you can live life in the worst possible way, yet still, the most important thing is feeling great and making other people feel great about themselves. water it all down with nice feel-great words.

Whatever.....you have no idea what life is all about. you're sympathising with this girl and even with this guy in an ostentatious show of pseudopsychoanalytic babble, citing such things as "recognition", "physical love", "learning", "social pressures", etc.

You're talking about human instinct on a highly philosophical level, how Mr. Oral is looking for recognition, is shy, searching for ways of expression, blablabla, blablabla...in short, a posh job. Yet it is abundantly obvious that all the swine wants is sex by any means, whether it be force, trickery, seduction, etc.

[WhaWhaWha]

Originally posted by Karbonopsinos
And you have written such a pampery little essay so mzblue can feel great. it's all about feeling great, isn't it? you can live life in the worst possible way, yet still, the most important thing is feeling great and making other people feel great about themselves. water it all down with nice feel-great words.

Whatever.....you have no idea what life is all about. you're sympathising with this girl and even with this guy in an ostentatious show of pseudopsychoanalytic babble, citing such things as "recognition", "physical love", "learning", "social pressures", etc.

You're talking about human instinct on a highly philosophical level, how Mr. Oral is looking for recognition, is shy, searching for ways of expression, blablabla, blablabla...in short, a posh job. Yet it is abundantly obvious that all the swine wants is sex by any means, whether it be force, trickery, seduction, etc.

This is why I raised the age issue first. You do know we are dealing with children here, don't you? Oh and human beings, as well. The only swine here is the judgemental Mr. Karb.

And yes, we do need to talk of human instinct. Especially as continuing generations of teenagers make the same mistakes we did. It just proves that we are either not learning from those mistakes or we dont know how to pass on the benefit of our experience.

We do know that all your expressions of intolerance and beligerance will accomplish is to take the offending issues out of your sight (so it can be done behind your back) -- that is if some poor child is unlucky enough to have been born into the captive audience that unfortunately populates your corner of the world. We -- and particularly Mz. Blue - are not members of that audience, thank goodness.

It is not all about feeling great, that's true. I dont want MzBlue to feel great about her mistake. I want her to learn from it, grow as a person, and avoid repeating it. But she doesnt need your brands of self-loathing or blame-casting to accomplish that goal does she? And she must forgive herself. Feeling great is important to mending her esteem (pseudopsychobabble 101). If Mz. Blue cannot work on her esteem she will not be able to face the Mr. Orals of her world without caving in to their pressure or running away and retreating from everyone in their shared sphere of influence and she will never feel empowered to simply say "no".

It seems she was saying that she will never feel right about any decision she makes nor will she get on with her life if the consequence of ridding herself of the hypocrisy is to sacrifice this friendship. In her own words...

...i was kinda confused and felt kind of nervous and felt like he might like me if i didnt do it so i said yes, but refused to do more....
...Yet, i guess i still had some feelings for him at the time, that just blinded me from any of his flaws, so i started to be nice after he was sayin sorry and pleaded...
...but hey, why would it matter to me what others think, all that matters is what i think of myself...
...What does this all mean? How can i make him open up and talk to me more and come up to me.
...oyy..im so confused

Indeed she is confused. I and a lot of other contributers to this thread would like to see her feel right about making the right decision. (show of hands please?)

Walking away is a lot easier than it sounds. But the subjects of this strife are after all still human beings. How do they deal with or even repair the loss of their friendship? Should they let the shame and degradation, that zealots disguised as guardians (like you) pass down to them, guide their behavior? If she does then she will be ashamed and withdraw from him completely or give in a few more times. He will be ashamed and transfer the blame back to her by soiling her reputation. Just one more couple who will learn their social skills way too late through failed relationships and heartbreaks. But whats it to you? Just so long as you dont have to hear about another 'dirty girl' fellating a 'swine'?

So go cleanse the world Karb. Label everything you failed to or didn't care to learn to understand in life. Criticize it because you know nothing about it and thats all you can do. Let the rest of the world make up their own minds.

Cheers
Wha

[Gan]

I really think Karb has a point though WhaWhaWha. Although he might have said it in a different way than you would have, you both are essentially saying the same thing.

I think it all comes down to the fact that teenagers are just not mature enough to understand and respect sex. I'm not specifically saying that people should be married before they have sex but they should at the very least "know" the person (and when I mean know I mean know) before they get involved in anything. Sex should be treated as a sacred bond, not a casual activity.

This guy to me sounds like a total sleaze. He's not respecting his body and he sure is not respective MizBlueEyes' body either. I don't even know why everyone is still talking about this. I'd simply say disassociate yourself with this guy immediately. He has gotten a lot more than he deserves and I'd make it my personal business to make sure he gets nothing else.

-Gan

[WhaWhaWha]

I think we can all agree that this relationship of MzBlue's is destructive. The subject of contention is in assessing the characters that are involved. Young Horny Boys raised without the benefit of a good role model are human beings too. This board is littered with people who are too quick to drop labels like "swine" and sleaze". This kid is doing wrong, and causing pain, but advising her to refuse to understand him in favor of choosing to despise him is not only a copout, but its counter productive to MzBlue's needs if she is going to recover from her confusion and pain.

We can also agree that teenagers are not mature enough to understand or respect sex. Thats why its so much more important to teach them as much as we can, because armed with knowledge or not they are going to pursue it. Ms.Blue talks of her regrets and ambivelence, but has anyone stopped to think that BOTH kids are responsible for their individual curiosities and consequences? Mr. Oral did not attack her. He convinced her. Now they are both reeling in the regret. She wants to stop and can't and is waiting for him to let her off the hook, rather than stand up for herself. He wants to continue, but her reaction has made him ashamed of himself. He doesnt like the guilt complex so he transfers the blame and his responsibility to her.

The confines of marriage, or even of strong familiarity are not issues to teenagers. Thats for the future. They live in the moment. They need tools for dealing with those moments. Both kids in this scenario could end up with crippling relationship issues if this runs the course. Teaching them to understand one another despite their anger and pain wont hurt them. They have nothing to lose but their mistrust and attachment disorders.

Disassociating herself with this guy is not so simple when she is left with reputation issues, and slander that divides the dynamic of their mutual friends. They will only benefit by understanding one another. With the closed minded attitudes that are still prevailing among the adults on this board I can see she may not have access to the kind of support she will need to see it through. I hope she is reading this and gets something from it.

Cheers
Wha

[garage sale]

Originally posted by WhaWhaWha
The confines of marriage, or even of strong familiarity are not issues to teenagers. Thats for the future. They live in the moment.

That's not always true.

[Ms Dynamite]

When I was a young girl (between 14 and 16) I made some really silly decisions concerning sex and men. I used to think that the first guy I met would be 'the one' and we'd be together forever, get married, have kids etc etc. Unfortuneately, I don't believe I had friends true enough to me to let me know the errors of my ways without being judgemental. Let me just say that those desicions led to my son being brought into this world way before I was ready. It took having a baby for me to understand things better. To tell the truth, even now I am still learning. I didn't know enough about sex or love or relationships at that point. The father of my son sounds just like mzblue's 'jerk'. Which is why I am a single parent. This guy was the first and last guy I had sex with. (Celibate 5 years and counting). He doesn't know how he affected my life. I got depressed, ate alot (hence the weight problem) and all for what? I realise now he never cared nor loved me. It sounds deep, but it can and does happen. Leave him alone Mz blue. Really.

Karbo> Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect yours. I just feel that the pathetic little girl thing was a little out of line is all.

[hartattack2188]

DY-NO-MITE!!!

[Gan]

I think a lot of trouble and pain would be avoided if people didn't rush into relationships when they are young. I say enjoy being a child while you can, because once you go forwards to adult hood you can't come back.

I honestly believe people should wait until they're in their late teens to early 20s before they begin having intimate relationships with people. By then they're old enough to better understand the complications involved and what they're actually doing to themselves. The worst part is that young kids see their friends doing things and they think they have to do it too. It's just a vicious cycle. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but I just think it really makes sense.

At least MizBlueEyes understands things a lot better now, and hopefully she'll be able to use this experience to her advantage.

-Gan

[garage sale]

I'm sixteen years old (though MANY people mistake me for older), and have never "dated" anybody. That fact used to bother me, but now I'm okay with it, because I see how many of my friends have pointless relationships, and how they jump from person to person... I just don't see myself messing around like that. I honestly dont want to even get invovled with someone if I wasn't at least 95% crazy about them. Which really does narrow your chances down a bit, because you'd only want someone who was just as crazy about you. I'm looking for a deeper relationship, and I know that it's harder when your a young teen.

I'll be graduating high school when I'm only seventeen years old, so I'm a little younger than most people in my grade, but a little more mature than most people my age (and even older, I have found). I don't claim to be the most mature person in the world, but I do know when to stop (most of the time) and that's kind of how I define maturity- have fun, but knowing when to stop. Knowing when to be serious. Knowing when to do "grown-up" things.

Personally, I don't think teenagers should be doing "adult" things (IE sex) because they don't want to take the adult concequences & responsability-- IE pregnancy, emotions, etc.

However, I think teenagers are prejudiced way more than neccesary (which was what I meant by my pervious post). For example, I would consider myself a little more mature than most of my friends that go off kissing boys for fun. However, I do not neccesarly feel that I am MATURE enough to go through an intimate relationship right now. I feel that I could start one, and as I mature and grow older it would naturally progress, etc... but I really don't know much about this whole love thing.

I'd just like to say, Mizblueeyes-- don't let yourself get down because of this guy. People make mistakes. Reckonize you have made a mistake, and don't do it again. :)

[HOT FAERIE]

I TOTALLY AGREE 100% with EVERYTHING ...WHA WHA WHA has said .I was a teenage mother at 15 and I COULD ONLY WISH for good sound advise as his .
Age and experience should be considered the most valuable counsel MizBlueEyes :agree:
As for the "tact" debate I will just say ...some are TOO quick to judge others ..the same as some are TOO quick are to make rash decisions.On that note..........
YOU ARE BOTH IN THE SAME BOAT !!!!! :eek2: