Is This a Flirt...UPDATE

[daydreamer]

Last Sunday, as usual, I arrived at church and he was sitting in his car. I waved as did he and kept going. After church, I went up to him and shook his hand and at the same time complimented him on something and he took both his hands and put them on mine and held it for a few seconds. This past Sunday, after church I approached him about helping me do something at my house and while he didn't out right refuse, I could tell that he was not comfortable with the idea so I left it alone. I have decieded that while I've done all I can to talk to this man, he obviously would rather look than talk. So, If it makes him happy staring at me then so be it. I will continue to smile when he does and leave it at that. If anything ever happens fine, if not, oh well. Any suggestions?

[Daisy814]

Hmm... this guy is complicated ;) Let me think about it some more and get back to you...

[AlexAnt]

Do you know whether or not this man is shy? When he speaks to you, does he make eye contact? Do you know if he has a lot of friends? Are you ever able to watch his behavior towards others? It would explain everything if this man were shy. Let me try to analyze some of his behavior:

(1) He has been staring at you frequently for a long period of time. Men don't stare at women they don't like - or want - unless they are insane. They just don't.

(2) He sits in his car and waits for you at church. This is the same as 1 - judging from this behavior, he either likes you or wants you very much, or is insane.

(3) Body language. Shaking your hand and not letting go... holding your hand with both of his hands... ditto re 1 & 2.

Yet...

(4) You offered your phone number to him and he agreed to your get-together idea on the spot but didn't take your number there, and didn't get your number after all. There are two explanations for this that I can see:

a) He didn't want to get together with you in the first place and was only being "nice" in accepting the idea. For a pathologically shy person, I would imagine it would be possible to like someone but still not want to get together with that person, for reasons of fear, low self confidence, or something else.

b) He really did want to get together with you, and really did want to get your number, but he really was in a hurry, and when the time came for him to get your number later, he was not courageous enough to approach you.

5) He was not comfortable with the idea of going over to your house. See 4a.

Once again, from the information you have presented, I am thinking that this man is either insane or very shy. You asked for suggestions - I would suggest continuing to behave exactly as you are now. You've presented this man with every opportunity to get to know you better, on a silver platter no less, and he knows this as well as you do. He either doesn't want to be with you, or he does and is kicking himself for screwing up so badly. In the case of the former, fair enough. In the case of the latter, though, hopefully he will learn through experience that when a woman offers to give you her phone number, and you like this woman, TAKE THE PHONE NUMBER AND CALL HER, just as when she invites you to her house, and you like her, BY ALL MEANS, GO. :) (Granted, that's much easier said than done for an extremely shy person, but that's just the way it is. Escaping from extreme shyness takes time and courage which some simply don't have, and although I do feel sorry for these people, I do not feel that they should be given special treatment or pandered to.)

Or else he is insane, and nothing I've just said applies. On second thought, there may be a fair possibility he really is... be careful. :confused:

Or perhaps he is neither shy nor insane, and this whole post is completely wrong. I suppose it wouldn't be the first time. :)

Alex

[daydreamer]

Thank you for your reply Alex, but to answer your question. no he does not appear to be shy with the other people at church. I've seen how he interacts with the other members and there is no indication of shyness.

Also, when he does talk to me, he looks me in the eye with a sort of dreamy look.

Finally, I've heard that he had two bad marriages because he's so nice and dosen't speak up that the women ran all over him. Now I don't know how true that is and personally, I'm a little leary of two marriages not working out. However, if he is interested, I do attribute his actions to what I've heard about him because it its true then I can understand his fear of getting involved.

[AlexAnt]

Alright, this guy IS complex. I won't make any more presumptions, because 1) I don't have any more, and 2) they'd probably turn out to be wrong anyway. :) I hope someone else can come and offer their perspective. :confused: Good luck,

Alex

[Daisy814]

Well, I said that I'd be back, but after reading the posts from the two of you...I really don't have many ideas. The only thing I can say is that if I were you, I'd back away for awhile and see how that goes. You've given him chances. Once he sees that you're not going to chase after him he'll drop the pity act and pipe up if he wants to catch you before you're gone for good.