Help, need a social life style

[rjapz]

Hi people , I'm 25/Male, and I'm not really good at these things. Well, let me start out by saying that, the real purpose I'm doing this is my dating/girl problem. I have no confident and self esteem problem. I always Compare myself to other people, like when I meet girls, I always think that the other guys she already know have higher value standards and qualities then I do. Meaning there funnier,have good long interesting conversations, those 2 are big points for girls " don't say is not, cause it, I see every day/every where. I believe that I'm not good enough to keep a girl entertain to get to like me " much less go out with one " . The big factor here is quite/shy, that cause my lack of self esteem and confident.

I'm always worried about what others will think of me, like " geese...this guy is boring...I don't want to talk to him ", I basically worried more what girls think of me. It's very hard to find a date/girlfriend in my condition. See, there goes the lack of confidents again. I always have the fear of not being good enough, it not easy being naturally quit/shy, almost all the time I don't have anything to say to a girl that comes down my path. I always end up loosing there intention towards me. Cause board ness is never in there vocabulary, there intention means so much too me, for a antisocial person like me, it's everything when it comes to girls. And I can't even keep there intentions, much less spontaneously striking intellectual funny conversations. I'm having a very tough time in try to keep the little confident/self esteem In me, or should I say I wish I had at lest little. It effects my whole life style, today and 5 years ago, and will continue if I don't do something about it. Let give 2 examples, 1....I meet a girl, get her phone number, I call once and once again, " the fear of thinking if she would find me boring, what should I say, how can I keeper entertain for her to like me and get her intention every time. I call again, I'm nervous and comparing myself to her other cool hip humores guy friends, that can easily win her love. I call thinking what I'm going to say to her,and people always like hearing something new and exciting. she picks up, I talk for a minute, already I'm out of words. She's getting board, I can here it in her voice. The call ends in 5 to 10 minutes, and then I don't call back again, I loose them everytime. Especially the good ones.

I live day by day like everyone else, and still trying to figure out why people talk to much, the bars I go to, clubs or any social event. And I know people who do just that, school/work and home, same thing day after day for years. For instance, my sister, she's only 16, she goes to school then comes home every day. She talks to her 35 different friends...guys and girls and spends 1 1/2 hour per person, each out of 8 people. She's no lawyer,doctor, special/government secret agent, The ICD group organization nor some big time business owner and etc. It just gets me mad, not the fact that she's talking, the fact that I wish I could find out how to socialize like that about nothing, what do they or people talk about out of an ordinary everyday life. Interesting things don't just happen every day.Being antisocial is a drag. Do you see how lack of confidence and self esteem over powers my life style. How can I build my esteem and confidence. I know for a fact you going to tell seek counseling, yeah true, I am, but first I want your help/opinion and advice of what/can or should . Help , I'm going to be single and antisocial the rest of my life.

Roby

[angelgal]

You seems to express very well on writing rather than on speaking. This may be due to your shyness and lack of confidence. Well, all you need to do now is be confident of whatever you do, no matter how difficult it is. Tell yourself you repeatly that you can do it and you will be able to overcome the fear and worries.Try it out, believe me.
Shyness is the weakness in human being. Try to make more friends by going out regularly with your buddys and mixing around with strangers. :partyguy: If you have difficulties in striking a converation, join a discussion or converation that is going on intensely. Be polite though by asking them whether they do mind giving your comments. Don't worry too much, they will not throw you out of the place. If you can do it, congratulation to you.:tup:
If you wish to strike a converation with a lonely gal, ask her whether you can join her and then introduce yourself to her. Otherwise, leave her alone and there's plenty of others you can make friends with. Talk about a common topic between both of you or about today's common topic. It will be great if she :love:loves something that you can talk about. You can do the same on the phone too. :girl: :flower:
My quote is "Don't worry too much and be confident of yourself," I'm sure you can do it. Remember to smile.:)
Wish you good luck and all the best to you.:D

[Messiah]

I think your answer could be streight under your nose mate.
Take a step back for a sec, you told us what your problem was very thoroughly and clearly and u got a girls attention, plus! u made a conversation.
I think your problem lies within your confidence and self esteem, if you could raise that your naturally abilities would come to life. I think if you where more happy you would actually FEEL like talking instead of it being a drag.
Also i think sometimes the harder you try with girls the harder it get, i think you need to just be social with friends and let the girls come to you a little and that should give you a boost because it's like hey a girl came to me and all i was doing is being me so i can't be that bad?
Why don't you try a different aproach, write to a girl! you can obviusly express yourself well on paper so write back to a personal add in the paper or even just write a letter to a girl u like and communicate that way it's different and she'll love it!.
Just say something like Hi how u doin?
I've seen you around and i just thought i'd write u a note, i'm not very good at talking to girls but i'm not as boring as i seem, I'd like to know what your into, write back
yours sincerly xxxxx
just turn it into something fun n different then u can take as much time as you like to tihnk of something to say and i bet your not as boring as u think u are u just need to open up. I'd say there's a good side to you that compensates, let a girl see that.