100 years of solitude...

[Karbonopsinos]

I am a Slavic-American just-turned-17-year old and a sophomore at an Ivy-League university. I was born here and have no foreign accent.

I have been told by several people that I am very attractive facially-speaking....dark brown hair, large hazel eyes, long lashes, strong eyebrows and cheekbones, a "nice" nose and what might be called "sexy" lips.

My physique is another thing, however. I am medium-tall and not fat, but I have never exercised before in my life, so my muscle definition is nil. I am still developing though, so I must wait for a few more years. I do not do ANY athletic stuff, so this is a very BIG minus.

I'm a strong Christian and a virgin who will not engage in sex before marriage. Sex is the last thing I am looking for in a relationship. What's the use of having good sex with a girl if she is unkind, supe icial, stupid, etc.

In any case, I am very well read in things like history, literature, politics and the arts. I was quite talented (and hopefully can draw on this reservoir once more in my life) as a young child, my artwork and poetry won competitions and was printed in books. I also play piano, violin, and oboe very well and have worked with members of the Philadelphia Orchestra on this.

I have many ambitions in life, particularly going to medical school and becoming a researcher on AIDS or neurological diseases.

That said, I have been wondering for some time how NOBODY (since the sixth grade) has ever expressed an attraction to me (nor have I felt such a thing from someone). Not one single girl.

At times, I have worried that my solitude has been the cause for this, and the fact that I was never viewed as popular. I was respected, but was still treated as the ultimate nerd (glasses, non-athletic, skipping three grades and being valedictorian and all). Popularity unfortunately remains in real life. Popularity remains in college and the workplace, etc.

So, I have been wondering if this might be the cause why no girl has shown any attraction me. Would my being 17 and a sophomore at college, a double-science major, be a major turn-off or a turn-on? Would you say "wow, that guy is smart" or "what a pathetic nerd"? I am wondering should I reveal to the girls I meet in everyday life what my age is, etc. (maturity is not a problem, I look like a college sophomore in almost all respects and am more emotionally mature than most guys and girls in my class).

Or is the equally supe icial ("he has no muscles" thing) more of a reason. If that's the case I could just say "well I don't need the supe icial", but to be quite honest, I, too, am more attracted to a girl with a beautiful face or an hourglass figure than one who is ugly and fat. Physical attraction is a cornerstone for a sexual relationship.

Btw, I am not an arrogant person. I'm not beaming with confidence either, but I am not down in the mud either. I am very unhappy though. Very few people know my age, ambitions, and talents. I tend to keep them well hidden...they are just who I am....the belong to God and those I love....not tools for bragging. I am just laying out who I am so you guys can understand my problem and my worries.

Thanx

[Cheshire Puss]

I remember going through similar angst (without the talent though).

Whether someone is attracted to you or not does not depend on your muscle definition or how well you play the oboe. It's an undefinable zing and can't be brought on by trying to mould yourself into something you think others might find attractive.

Not that I think you're doing that. You seem to be unusually self-aware for someone your age, if this post is anything to go by.

What I would say is that from memory these teenage years are a hotbed of unexpressed passion. How do you know no one finds you attractive? Maybe there's one or several girls there who are passionately in puppy-love with you but are too shy and unsure of themselves to say anything to you.

I suspect there are several girls that you find attractive, and you're confused as to why these particular girls don't find you attractive back.

There's no explanation. They just don't. But I can almost guarantee that there are girls there who do fancy you. You just have to cast your net a little wider.

CP

[whiskeyhard]

I find a smart guy very attractive.Having a brain is the best thing you could have.Looks only last so long so don't rush it you will find her or she you when you least expect it.You seem to have lots to offer she will be a very lucky girl. Hay, I have a question to ask you later nothing personal but will take some time to type.I look forward to hearing from you in the future..Whiskey

[Karbonopsinos]

Thanks for the help you guys. I don't know why more people haven't replied, though.

[AlexAnt]

I realize that it may sound corny and probably will not very comforting to you at all, but you just have to be yourself.

If you are looking for the type of woman who finds muscles and athleticism attractive, then you could try to improve in this area. However, I think what you would find is that whoever you attracted would quickly see through your ruse and be done with you. Likewise, would you really want to drop the oboe for the electric guitar, get a bunch of body piercings and tattered tight-fitting t-shirts, and start wearing mascara and leather pants just to attract the type of woman who finds rock stars attractive? I hope not.

From the way you described yourself, I would be surprised if a large number of women did not already find you adorable. You're good-looking, highly intelligent, caring, etc. However, to us males' great disdain, it is typically a part of Western culture that the male approaches the female, and not the other way around. So, try finding someone you think could be attracted to someone with your qualities, summon all your strength, and approach that person. Be kind but not needy, and strong yet sensitive, and I think you could very well be surprised at what follows. I hope some of this helps you.

Alex

[Daisy814]

It could be that these girls are intimated by you. Maybe when they find out you've skipped 3 grades or if they are in any of your classes, they probably know what kind of student you are and figure they don't stand a chance with you or that you are out of their league.

Or maybe they don't know that your looking... some may think that you don't want to get wrapped up in a relationship right now because you want to concentrate on school work, so they don't think twice.

I seriously doubt it has anything to do with your body structure and/or attractiveness. Let these girls know your on the market!! :D

[Sophocles]

Originally posted by Karbonopsinos

Or is the equally supe icial ("he has no muscles" thing) more of a reason. If that's the case I could just say "well I don't need the supe icial", but to be quite honest, I, too, am more attracted to a girl with a beautiful face or an hourglass figure than one who is ugly and fat. Physical attraction is a cornerstone for a sexual relationship.


I too considered muscles to be supe ical.

After getting on a strong exercise and weightlifting program, I realized that your physique can reflect your level of personal dedication, self-confidence, and self-respect.

[Karbonopsinos]

How many hours a week did you spend on it?

I guess Alex is right, it all depends on prioritizing...

[angellove]

you're a rare breed, Karb. intelligent, attractive, sexy lips, and a committed Christian and a virgin for gosh sakes! where do they hide guys like you? find out for me and send some my way :teleport: from what you've told us, i would definitely find you attractive if i wasn't caught in my own vicious love triangle :wall: anyhoo. don't worry about getting a girl. the kind of girl that goes for guys like you will stay with you forever. you probably won't need to date around. you're still young. be patient, sweetie. ;)

[AlexAnt]

Originally posted by angellove
don't worry about getting a girl. the kind of girl that goes for guys like you will stay with you forever. you probably won't need to date around.
Angellove, I definitely agree with you, but I was just wondering if you could describe this type of girl, because I am curious as to what she is like. For instance, if one were to try to spot her in a crowd of "other" girls, how would one distinguish her from them?

Alex