When to ask and what to say.

[themanfromoz]

I have a delema and am looking for opinions on what to do.

I recently went through a very, very ugly breakup.

Now i am single and I have found someone I like and I am very sure she likes me.

We have heaps of similar interests and opinions, but are still different enough to make conversation interesting.

She is an honest and open person and very attractive.

I want to ask her out but i know that a small part of me wants to go out with her so I can stop hurting over the way my Ex treated me.

Is it fair to ask her out, Should I tell her everything and let her decide or should I wait until i can be 100% sure I am hers?

Thanking you in advance.

[Kaisharga]

I'd say at least a month, at the very least, between relationships. Three months if possible.

But, I'd not recommend staying away from her altogether--see if you can be friends with her, that way you can get closer and get to know eachother better without all the dating hassle. :)

--Kaisharga

[emerald00]

if you like her, then go for it, whats one date!? you know? you might go out and havea blast and forget about your pain, or maybe not, you wont know until you give it a shot.

[emerald00]

happy belated b day!

[Cheshire Puss]

Originally posted by themanfromoz
I want to ask her out but i know that a small part of me wants to go out with her so I can stop hurting over the way my Ex treated me.

Is it fair to ask her out, Should I tell her everything and let her decide or should I wait until i can be 100% sure I am hers?

What's the problem with wanting a little tlc to make you feel better about yourself? Every relationship is give and take - we give unstintingly of ourselves, but we expect love, care and attention back as well (selfish species that we are).

The hurt you are feeling from your broken relationship is part of you now. I submit that you will *never* be 100% free of it. Just keep telling yourself "It makes me a more interesting person..."

I understand your worried that your feelings for her are based on being on the rebound. But you seem to know yourself well enough to recognise that fact - and if it is only a small part, I wouldn't worry. If it worries you, yeah, talk to her about it - you'll get massive brownie points for opening up and making yourself vulnerable to her - girls love that stuff.

And she might even help you. Ask for her help.

CP

[jsbyrn]

I think the safest thing would be to just wait until the way your ex treated you doesn't hurt anymore. When you can wake up in the morning and think about it but it doesn't hurt, you know? However long that takes. Then I'd say it's perfectly safe to date someone else without worrying about your reasons for doing so.

[whiskeyhard]

I will agree with Kaisharga on this. Don't bring extra baggage into a new relationship if you don't need to

[Wesley]

NO, do it NOW! The best defence is a good offence!

[BadKitty21]

Sometimes meeting and dating someone new is what you need to get over a past relationship. It's only a rebound relationship if you are going out with someone else to show off to or get back at your ex. Since you've already developed feelings for this girl, then it's just like dating at any other time in your life. Go out a few times, get to know eachother better, see where your feelings go. Keep it out in the open with her that you recently went through a bad breakup, but have moved on. Just try not to compare her to your ex or it won't work out. Being with her will help you to keep your ex off your mind and day by day you'll find that the bad breakup you went through won't effect you anymore. I went through a similar situation - I actually started dating a guy right at the end of a 4 year relationship (that turned bad) with my ex boyfriend. I didn't plan on it happening that way, but it just sort of "happened". I realized that the old relationship was having a negative affect on me and it took meeting my new guy to show me that I needed something different. Had I not met him, I probably wouldn't have been able to deal with breaking up with my ex. He helped show me a better life, and we are currently still happy together after 1 year. Now if I ever think of my ex, it's only to realize how much happier my life is without him.
Good Luck!

[nocturnal]

I'm not sure on this... but I've always heard that its a turn-off for girls to hear about sob stories about a guys ex.... especially if you are just starting a with a new date.