AcmeLove > Dating

Secrets Of Dating

By Matt Deutsch

You're at a party and you see a very squishy girl, then what do you do? Well, I have spent countless hours of experimenting and researching to give you some help. As most people call me Doctor Love, I now have an answer for everything. I have packaged my knowledge into ten easy steps which guarantee instant success.

Always Make Eye Contact.

If she's staring at you, either you're a freak or she digs you (or she digs freaks). If she looks at you and you're not a freak, look back. Her holding your gaze is a green light; looking away is a yellow. If you're feeling lucky run the yellow light, but prepare for the consequences. Wait for confirmation, if she looks back, the light is green and proceed without hesitation. She will refuse to send any more vibes for fear of looking silly. Waiting too long reveals to her you are not a man of action. Break the eye contact at this point, leaving her in suspense.

Always hit on the Most Beautiful.

Never look too desperate in these positions. Most guys are too intimidated by stunning, drop dead gorgeous women and shy down to most opportunities of meeting them. Never go on and on about their elegant appearance, but rather tell them how beautiful they are in the inside (Embellishing always helps).

Never Let Rejection Stop You.

The adage, "The worst she can say is no," is a lie. The worst she can say, "Do you know why you're single, it's because you're ugly." If this happens, chant, "It's not me. It's her," five times under your breath, and try again with someone new.

Always Have a Complete Mastery of at Least Two Books.

Women love when a guy is intelligent and shows he cares about other things than beer, sports, and cars. "That's precisely the tragedy of Gatsby's obsession with Daisy." You too can be a man of letters or at least talk like one. Read two books carefully, until you can master all the questions in the Coles Notes version. If perchance magazines come up needless to say, you've never read this particular issue.

Never Talk Scary.

"I think this rash is spreading to other parts of my body." This will get you absolutely nowhere. You might as well carry a bottle of Gold Bond around the room and see how far you get. Never tell a girl, who you are trying to impress, about the stupid things you've done when you and your friends got together, because women have a different sense of humor.

Always Joke.

This is the best way to keep your date smiling through the whole night, no matter how bad the date is. It's good to show her you can be seriuos once in a while but girls love to laugh. So show them how to have a good time.

Always Look Like You're Having the Best Time.

You and your friends should be smiling, teasing each other, laughing and cleary enjoying each other's company. Obviously the scene is the easiest to create when you're actually enjoying yourself, but if for some reason your not with your regular friends, you've got to fake it. Grin like an idiot and do whatever you can to keep the conversation rolling.

Never go on Parade.

Don't be seen wandering around on your own with no clear purpose. Being spotted downgrades you instantly from eligible bachelor to a lurking weirdo. Location is everything. A central location is key in which you can see everything and everything can see you.

Never use a Pick-Up Line.

These are just plain stupid. Rather than using a cheesy pick-up line just walk up to her, smile and introduce yourself.

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